The Mistake We Make
by iuset
Summary: What if Peeta makes one of the biggest mistakes of his life? A mistake that could test the relationship of Katniss and Peeta, a broken road ahead of them. Set 5 years after the Rebellion when Katniss and Peeta come back to District 12, they are already married, hint of hurt, future lemon, pregnancy and drama! first fan fic
1. Chapter 1

The Mistakes We Make

Summary: What if Peeta makes the biggest mistake and betrays Katniss? A mistake that will test both Katniss and Peeta relationship and a test to see if they can ever be together again, really bad at summaries, this is my first fan fic ever so please be patient and kind with your constructive criticism, again first time I have ever written!

All rights to the Hunger Games belong to Suzanne Collins, who created this brilliant series.

Chapter 1:

"You do this everytime, EVERYTIME!" Peeta shouted as he crossed the room, pacing up and down the lounge room running his hand through his hair getting frustrated even more.

"I have said it before, I'm not ready Peeta, I'm not ready right now, yet you keep on pushing and pushing and pushing, how do you expect me to react to you? Huh? Of course I'm going to ignore you, what do you want me to say?" I sounded angry and yet so exhausted, mentally emotionally and physically. Time and time again we had gotten into this fight, it had started from time to time but lately Peeta had been pushing the subject of having children and I had explained myself so many times. I knew I shouldn't be scared anymore, Peeta had calmed me down in the past before, we were now both 25 and the Hunger Games had been over for over 5 years however there was always that fear that creeped into the back of mind that with just our luck, the Hunger Games would be re-established after I have my child and of course they would want the child of the two star crossed lovers in it, what better punishment would suit the two Victors.

"Kat I've told you before, there are no games, the games are over" he sighs as he gets up from his seat, he walks over to me and places his arms around to hold me and kisses my eyes, cheeks and then lips before cupping my face with his hands, his voice now calm, his blue eyes glistening, I can see this is taking a toll on him as much as me "I would never allow anyone, ANYONE to hurt you or our family if we had kids, the games have been over for years, we now live in a democratic society, there is peace Kat, why won't you believe me?"

It's hard for me to look at his pleading eyes, his hands still cupping my face, I feel half guilty as he is still in his baking clothes, half an hr from work and we are already fighting like this, this was not what I envisioned on my wedding day 5 years ago, I accepted for sickness and in health, till death do us part , for better and for worse but lately it had all been for worse. "Peeta, you don't understand, I just can't, I can't!" His hands leave my face and I've lost his warm touch. He walks across the lounge room and he is breathing in heavy again before turning around to me

"Is it so much to ask Kat? Really is it? I lost all my family in the bombings, all of them, is it really that selfish to ask for us to start having children? To leave behind a legacy, to teach them, to raise them, to love them?" I can hear the pleading in his voice as it strains, I can't and don't want to hear anymore, I'm so tired and exhausted I just want to stop the fighting "Peeta, can we just stop, please let's just stop, I'm so tired of fighting this issue with you, please" Finally he begins to hear my pleading and my straining, he looks at me for a long time before getting up and grabbing his jacket "WHERE ARE YOU GOING PEETA?!" I scream and plead, it's winter and snowing and dark outside, the last thing I want is to have him leave me and freeze in the cold.

"I'm going to the bakery tonight, I need some time to think ok, can you just let me have that at least?!" he leaves slamming the door as I hear his heavy feet leave our front porch. I stand there and quietly sob before sitting down on the couch. What was happening to us? I still didn't feel ready for kids and Peeta knew that, I knew I did want them but one day, however that one day was still far.

It's 10:13pm at night as I lie in bed and Peeta is still not home, we've had some bad fights in the past however this one was the fight of all fights in our marriage. It was so hard to sleep without my Peeta as I laid there twirling the pearl he gave me all those years ago, for our first anniversary he got it made into a necklace that I wore around my neck everyday to remind me of the hope I had, the hope Peeta gave me. It was at night when Peeta was with me that I felt safe and sound, his arms would snake around me and he would keep me close, my nightmares would stop, on a night like this I was scared. I had tried ringing his work phone but there was no answer, which worried me even more. Lying in bed I could see the frost on the windows, the thought worried me as I was warm in bed and yet he was out there because of a fight we had.

2:48am and still no Peeta, I was getting so worried now, I wasn't even in bed now instead pacing my kitchen with my hot chocolate waiting for me, I was listening with my hunting hears trying to hear his heavy footsteps but nothing. 4:19am and I had resided to sitting down on the lounge not moving, I had 4 cups of coffee not knowing what else to do, I had tried to call the bakery, I even went over and looked into Haymitch's windows but all I saw was him passed out on the floor, Peeta would not be able to handle the smell of Haymitch's place, maybe he went to his old house. I still kept a spare key as Peeta lived at mine but all rooms were bare, he only went there to store his paintings and use it as second bakery. It was 7:50 when I woke up sprawled on the lounge, I quickly got up not looking that great with my hair everywhere and my dress robe and slippers on, I ran through all the rooms and then upstairs looking into our room and then the bathroom before I heard the door downstairs opening, I ran downstairs to see Peeta coming through the front door taking his jacket off. His clothes remained the same as last night and when I looked into eyes I could feel he was thinking and feeling the same as I had. I ran into his arms just holding him and not letting go, he was doing the same except his hold was tighter, I looked into his eyes and could see something more though, remorse, guilt, anger, I was probably reading into things that weren't there due to the lack of sleep last night, I just knew I didn't want to let go of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm not letting go of you, I'm sorry, I know I've been harsh and I do want kids I'm just scared" I say between each sob as I cry into his chest, Peeta just cupped my face kissing each tear away "I will be there, I'm not going anywhere, I'm sorry" we didn't need any other words between us before I looked up at him "Peeta where were you last night?" I asked as I looked up at him? Without even looking at me, his eyes rimmed red so I know he has been crying, all he said was "like I said, I was at the bakery" but with that I knew something was wrong.

So what did you guys think? For a first story? The question I want people asking is where was Peeta if not at the bakery? We know he wasn't there as Katniss rang so many times, so where was he? Not at Haymitch's and not at his old home. Please leave your reviews and any constructive feedback, again constructive is always great as this is my first fic


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys, thanks for the reviews, it means a lot that already there is interest in it, the more interest in it the more chapters I will add. Again all rights reserved to the talented Suzanne Collins

Chapter 2:

It's been 3 weeks since our massive fight and yet I still feel as if there is this awkward feeling between me and Peeta, as if there is something that we are not addressing. We have those quiet moments but even in those quiet moments, there is so much to be said. Over the past three weeks Peeta has become extra attentive, I don't mind though, from cooking dinner, to bubble baths, to breakfast in bed and I'm definitely not complaining from the extra sex in the bedroom, and the kitchen and the lounge room and even the bakery after work, in fact Peeta has never been so attentive lately, again I don't mind but it's still got me curious. It's not until one night after a really good dinner that our night turns awkward, myself and Peeta are cleaning up after dinner, me clearing the table and he doing the dishes, we are both laughing and talking it feels nice just to relax with him.

"you know who I haven't seen in a while that I thought would be nice to invite over sometime? Delly, in fact we can invite over Rory too, share our stories about when we were getting married and our plans, I'm sure she would like a helping hand it's been a month since I saw her?"

Peeta has gone all quiet and is just staring down at the dishes, he's dazed off into the distance, it takes a few minutes to register before he answers.

"yeah um I think she's busy you know and I know Rory has been too with his new job so I think maybe we should just leave them be".

He starts to put dishes away but is starting to slam them as he puts them away, his demeanour changing to quiet and he's way too focused on washing dishes.

"well, I'm sure she would have time, it has been ages and I could lend her some of our stuff that we still have from our wedding, like maybe table cloths and"

I don't even get to finish my sentence before Peeta is already cutting me off, this doesn't seem like him "you know Kat, it's getting real busy at the bakery and you know sometimes after a long day I just want to come home and be with you, I really don't have the energy to be entertaining people"

He's starting to rush his words and his body is becoming tense, his jaw is tight as he throws the towel over his shoulder, I go over to him to try and ease him and stand behind him and rub his arms, his back on my chest.

"Peeta why are you working yourself up so much? It's just dinner, last week you pulled 6 days straight at the bakery from 5 in the morning till 6 at night and yet you still came home last week and had dinner with me, Haymitch and Greasy Sae?" I ask, a hint of questioning in my voice

"DAMMIT KATNISS I SAID NO!" Peeta turns around dropping a plate a smashing it on the floor, he sees me flinch back I think he is going into an episode but I still see his beautiful blue eyes looking down, his face red and flustered, he knows this is not himself as he looks at the shattered plate on the floor.

"Im…I'm sorry Katniss I didn't mean that, I'm sorry, I've just been so stressed lately, the bakery is getting busier and I really want to just focus on you and me ok, you know I wouldn't hurt you, never" his arms circle me as I feel his head go in the crook of my neck, inhaling my hair and then exhaling . "you know how much I love you, I love you so much it hurts"

I don't know how to feel at this point, Peeta has never lost his temper like that unless he's having an episode, Peeta is known for his calm and collective behaviour, it's me who is known as the one with the hot temper, the quick change in mood, not my Peeta, not my sweet Peeta. I don't know how to act right now so I just stand there holding him, I think Peeta can still feel the apprehension in me as he looks into my eyes "I love you Katniss Mellark, you need to believe that, you're the one thing in my life that has saved me" It's then when I look into his eyes that all feelings of apprehension and doubt melts away and I'm reminded of why I love Peeta, my sweet Peeta.

"It's ok Peeta, let's just go to bed ok and you can show me how much you really love me' I smirk at him with a wink as his smile returns. "You go up stairs and I will follow very very soon" he replies kissing my collarbone, his soft kisses making me weak at the knees, it's this side of him that I'm glad I'm the only person who gets to see it, everyone gets to see the calm, sweet Peeta but it's me who gets to see the animal he becomes when we're in the bedroom, normally I'm the aggressive person in the relationship but in that department it's Peeta who takes control, I like it and he knows it.

Years of experience and growing up in the forest has taught me how quiet I can be. Peeta doesn't even hear me walking up the stairs, but I hear him as he quietly returns to finishing the dishes and quietly sobs away, I leave to walk upstairs before I hear him say "I'm sorry Kat, I'm so sorry"

What do you think? I would love to hear some constructive criticism, again very new at this so please be kind, will be looking for a beta, I'm planning on doing a Katniss and Peeta POV in this so I would like your thoughts, all I will say is that there is a betrayal, one in which you will find out next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Hi guys this is it! Again I want to say thank you for the lovely reviews. I would like to thank AnimeBuddy98 and bellanotor116 for giving me help on how to update new chapters, it means a lot. I will warn as a heads up there is frequent coarse language in this chapter, so for those who might be offended I do suggest caution prior to reading, that is why I have rated it M. Again all rights reserved to Suzanne Collins who created this brilliant series.

Katniss POV:

A month and a half later and still there is an awkward presence between me and Peeta, Peeta is still clingy to me, even going hunting Peeta has started to get antsy towards me, some days he will remain quiet and close himself in his study, painting the day away, I walked to the newly built hub one day to trade with Greasy Sae, though I have more than enough money, I feel if I can remind people that I'm still apart of them and just a normal person, then I won't be reminded as the mockingjay. It's that day I notice something odd when in the distance I notice Peeta and Delly looking deep in conversation, Peeta was tense and looking around to see if anyone would notice, I stood behind one of the stalls and watched the duo to see what I could make of it.

His jaw was locked and I could tell he wanted to get away as far as he could, his eyes locked on the ground, Delly looked frazzled, her hair a mess and baggy clothing, she looked panicked and her eyes were red, perhaps it was regarding her and Rory's upcoming wedding? But that wouldn't make sense why would Peeta be tense? He is one of the calmest people I have met and his nature to everyone is the same. I watch on before I see Peeta put his hand to face and collecting his bags of flour and then turning to leave. Delly looks a mess, she walks off in the opposite direction, both of them miss me, not noticing me at all, too focused on their recent argument.

I arrive at home to find Peeta in the kitchen cooking for me, I don't know whether to broach what I saw with him today or leave it in peace, he's been in moods lately and I don't want to be in the firing line. I softly take my shoes off walking into the kitchen; the smell of plum stew and vegetables fills the air, appropriate for cold weather outside. He's deep in concentration, brows furrowed as he works the kitchen, he's changed from his baking outfit and into a pair of cotton tracksuit pants and a white v-neck t-shirt, the house is warm enough with the fire from the lounge room, I walk with trepidation wondering what I am in for.

"Hey beautiful" he walks over to me and kisses me on the mouth, so far he is in high spirits

"Hey, what's the occasion?" I ask hugging him from behind

"Is it a crime to cook for my beautiful wife that I love?" he asks, setting the dinner on the table with the pot. He holds the chair out for me and I wonder what's in store for me.

"No of course not, I'm never going to complain when my husband wines and dines me" I smile and kiss him on the mouth; he cups my face and looks at me, a hint of a sad expression in his eyes.

We sit down and enjoy a couple of minutes of silence as we eat, Peeta topping my glass with wine, we don't drink often but sometimes we treat ourselves to a nice bottle that we have. Peeta's hand rests on mine throughout the dinner, never leaving mine however his eyes seem distant, I bite the bullet and ask.

"Everything ok, you seem pretty distant"

He looks up startled and chokes on his food a bit, his train of thought interrupted.

"No, no, I um, just a busy day a work that's all" he says, spooning his food in his mouth, he looks back at me for a while "have I told you how much I loved you today?" Peeta tells me all the time, but I find this a bit random, he demeanour has been erratic lately "Peeta are you ok? It's just lately since we have that fight some while ago you seem, I've noticed you are a bit distracted and distant, when you're not at work, you come home and go straight to your study, or you will be clingy with me and I'm not complaining from all the sex I have been getting lately but I just need to know what's going on inside your head, I mean have I done something wrong?"

He looks up at me with pained eyes, his eyes already rimming red with tears that are about to fall "no, I don't want you to ever think that" he cups my face in his hands kissing my eyes, my nose and mouth "you're perfect, in every sense, you know I love you right, I love you of every minute, every day and nothing is ever going to change that ok? His eyes pleading with me as if I don't know it already.

"Of course I know that Peeta but when you speak like that I get scared "

He looks at me again, his hands getting tighter as he holds my face "Just promise me you'll remember how much I love you ok! No matter what happens in life, no matter what life throws at us, just promise you'll love me back ok" his tears fall down his cheeks "Peeta, I will love you always, you know that, I loved you first from that time on the beach, to the time they brought you back from the capital in 13, to when you planted the rose bushes in my or should I say our front yard, to even now, otherwise I wouldn't have ever said I do to you"

Peeta smiles at me but I could tell he wasn't fully convinced "I got an idea, how about you clear the dinner table, put the dishes in the washer, and bring the bottle of wine with you upstairs and meet me in bed in 10 minutes and I can remind you how much I love you" I wink at him hoping to ease some of the tension, his smile returns and I see that hope in his eyes, he kisses me on the nose and starts clearing the table as I walk upstairs and quickly get changed for bed, where I remind Peeta all night long, how much I love him

2 days later, I'm still on a high from the great sex 2 nights previous, I was still sore from it all but it was worth it, it's still cold outside, I'm glad I rugged up this morning in my father's hunting jacket, with a scarf wrapped around my neck a couple of times and tight leggings and boots. I enter the warm house, taking off my hunting jacket and scarf, the house is lit so I know Peeta is home.

"Peeta, I hope you're hungry coz I got us rabbit and this was a good one, nice and meaty too" I walk into the lounge room to meet a crestfallen Peeta, tears streaming down his face, he's sitting down on our lounge, his wearing a pair of chinos and a thick black zip up jumper, he looks up from his face in his hands

"Peeta what's wrong" my first thought is he's had an episode, he hasn't had one for a long time, it's the only thing that would distress him so "Peeta"

"Kat, can you sit down for a second, I need to talk to you please" he's trying to talk but I can tell from his cracked voice that he has been crying for hours. I sit down next to him, where he takes my hands into his and looks into my eyes "Kat, do you remember what I told 2 nights ago when I said you have to remember how much I love you, that no matter what life throws at us you HAVE to remember I love you more than my own life"

His hands get tighter on mine as I look into his eyes, my heart is starting to feel like a jackhammer as I'm scared of the unknown, what has got even the most calm and collected person scared out of his mind.

"Peeta, please tell me what's wrong and I can help you" upon these words he automatically shuts his eyes and I see the tears falls down his face. "Peeta please just tell me" my voice hoarse with pleading.

"Do you remember, some time ago, not too long it would have been a month and a half ago or something, when we had that really big fight about when the fact that I wanted children and you didn't right now" I nodded wondering where this was going.

"Do you remember how that night I said that I was going to sleep the night at the bakery?" He asked me, tears still coming as he pained and heartbroken eyes looked at me. I nodded at him.

"Well I didn't stay there all night, after an hour I left and was on my way home" he went on to explain before I interrupted "I called you all night but there was no answer, I thought maybe you were ignoring me" He looks down from me, not wanting to meet my eyes "I was on my way home, I was still feeling angry and then I bumped into Delly, she walking back from the Hawthorne's as you know Delly and Rory are getting married. Delly was a bit upset as Rory was leaving for 2 weeks to visit Gale in district 2" I was trying to see where this would lead to, but I couldn't grasp it right now, all I knew was a sinking feeling in my stomach and my heart going so fast I thought it would explode out of my chest.

Peeta inhaled a deep breath before continuing "I was walking her back to her house, she asked why I was out at that time of night and I just wanted to talk, just for someone to listen to, and I was talking to her about our fight and how upset I was, I told her I was intending on staying overnight at the bakery but she said no, It was snowing and I should stay somewhere warm so she offered me her spare room, when we got to her place she began telling me her problems with Rory, how she was stressing about the wedding and how there was no communication going on at the time and how his new job meant he had to take a trip to District 2, he was just so focused on his job, like us they had a big fight and she just wanted someone to talk to, we just wanted for one moment for, some to listen that's" he looked back up at me his face in anguish as I continued to feel the bottom of my stomach fall to the floor and my own tears fall with it.

"We were having a drink to, I don't know, to calm down as we were both stressed, we were sitting on her lounge when, I don't know how, I don't know if it was the alcohol that we had, but…." Peeta stopped, his face low as he continued to hold my hands, his sobs the only sound in the room.

"But what Peeta, I want to hear, but what?" I whispered, in my subconscious I think I knew what he was about to say but my heart was begging him not to.

"But before I knew it, we were kissing and then and then, we were taking it up to her bedroom" he winces,

"Where what Peeta, what did you do!" my voice no longer a whisper "Katniss please, please don't make me say" he's crying , still not looking at me.

"No Peeta, I want to hear it, I want to hear you say it!" I screamed, feeling my whole world starting to crumble like one of the buildings that was bombed during the rebellion.

"Kat, I wanted to stop, believe me, I was in pain and so was she and we weren't stopping, we weren't thinking and then we were continuing on her bed, and one thing led to another, she was taking off her clothes and I was taking off mine and then before you know it, we slept together" his voice a mere whisper, his face looking into mine, but not just my face but more soul. His face strewn with tears and red, I ripped my hands out of his and got off the lounge, my hand went up to my chest as I could feel it breaking, a pain in my chest as I could feel it ripping in half. I suddenly heard a heaving sound, like a dog in pain when I realised it was coming from me, the tears falling down my face were from my eyes as the room was filled with my chocked sobs.

"Katniss please, please remember what I said 2 nights ago, that I love you, I have never felt so bad and I have never hated myself more than I do now, whatever hate you have for me, times it by a million and that is the hate I have for myself, when I woke up the next day, I vomited but not from the alcohol but from the guilt because I couldn't believe what I had done, I got my clothes and got out of there, please Kat I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, the last person I would ever want to hurt is you, I would rather die than ever let someone hurt you" He's voice pleading with me as well as his eyes, his hands are running through his hair as he looks stressed.

"But you did, Peeta, !" I pronounce every word to full affect. "So when I was up all night, worrying my brains out, crying my eyes out and worried because I had been ringing the bakery and you weren't answering the phone, you were safe and sound at Delly Cartwrights house fucking her brains out!" I scream as I feel my throat raw from not only crying but screaming. Peeta winces at my words whispering "please don't Kat, please don't" he cries.

"So what, was this my punishment? Because I don't want kids right now, you have to go and fuck the nearest whore in District 12? Is that it? Is that why you have been so distant for so long and clingy is that it? Is that the reason for all the sex lately, you have been trying to fuck me to forget!"

He doesn't explain but only nods, still looking at the floor and crying. "So all those times" I'm sobbing by this point "all those times, when I asked you if something was wrong, when I asked you that morning where you were, those times you were distant and I asked you, if something was wrong and you said nothing, you lied to me".

"Kat please, I hate myself more than you know, please remember I love you, you only, I never wanted to hurt you, I would rather take my own life than hurt you, from the first moment I saw you singing when I was 5 years old I. HAVE. LOVED. YOU and you can hate me as much as you want for what I have done and you have every right to but, please, please I'm begging you don't stop loving me, please, please I couldn't take it" his kneeling on the floor now, holding my hands as I cry "well congratulations Peeta, because you've achieved something that President Snow and Coin failed at, they tried to think of all these ways to kill me, but this what you did, you managed to find a way to rip out my heart!" I whisper with maliciousness in my tone as he holds my hands. I get up to walk away, to leave the house before he stands stopping me.

"Katniss, please there's more, please I'm sorry" He looks at me cupping my face before I smack them away from me, he looks hurt at this but I know the hurt he's feeling is nothing compared to what he's put me through, the thought of those hands touching me when I know where they have been sickens me. "Oh, it gets worse?" I ask incredulously.

"Delly visited me the other day, I wanted to stay as far away from her as I could, I just wanted to focus on you and me, she told me she just wanted to talk that was all, but I wanted to leave, she told me with Rory coming back she's been sick lately, she thought she had the flu, but she noticed something was amiss when she hadn't received her period." He gulped before continuing "Katniss, she took a test and it came back positive, she said she believes that it's Rory's but there's a chance that it could be mine too" He looks at me, his face and eyes red with tears, he holds me as his voice drops to a whispering "I'm sorry, God Katniss I'm sorry, please I'm sorry" whispering like a chant. Its then when I feel my heart crumble into parts, like someone punched me into my chest and gripped my heart and turned it into dust in their palm, before I know it I'm pushing Peeta off me and running out the door in the bitter winter cold, I know with his artificial leg he can't keep up with me, the last things I hear is the whipping of the cold winter air and Peeta as he screams my name.

So what do you think? There is definitely more to come, more confrontations Inc. between Kat and Delly, more drama and excitement etc. Let me know what you think and what you would like to see and I can try and include it in my story. Hope you guys likes, please let me know in your reviews, reviews make me SOOOO HAPPY!:-)


	4. Chapter 4

Hello my lovely readers! It has made me smile soo much to see the reviews and my followers, it gives me the motivation to write more chapters!:-) The song I thought that best explains this scene, especially the ending of this chapter is No Doubts "Don't Speak"

Again all rights reserved to the brilliant Suzanne Collins

I run to the cabin in the forest by the lake, my lungs about to burst from the cold air, my fingers numb and small shooting pains run up them but I don't care, nothing compares to the pain my hearts going through. The cabin is where I feel safe, after the rebellion when the nation was returning back to normal and trying to rebuild itself, I was too scared that things would return, that somehow, someway the Hunger Games would be reinstated and that me and Peeta would need a place to run to. I would come here twice a week sometimes during my hunting trips to think, to think of the Games, the rebellion, me and Peeta, of Prim, of sweet, innocent Prim, how this world had lost the brightest little light, how that light was extinguished. In my fear, I stocked this place up with the bare necessities; blankets, clothes, canned goods, wood for fire and repaired the roof for winter to prevent the cold coming through. The bed had been set up with a simple table and small lounge room with a fire. It was small and cosy and right now, the only place in the world I felt safe. I didn't know what I felt right now, numb, confused, angry, heartbroken, sick, what made it harder was I felt all these feelings at the same time, I didn't even have stages. Peeta knew of the cabin in the woods however he did not know of the exact co-ordinates, he needed me to get there.

I analysed everything in my head of the past 2 months, the moments when Peeta looked distant, the times he looked stressed, the clinginess, the increase in sex, the way he would hold me when we went to bed, he would hold me so tight as if afraid that if he let me go, I would float away. I didn't know who I was angrier at, Peeta or myself, for being so blind, was it so obvious in front of me and yet I couldn't see it. I stare at the fire all night, watching the flames dance, wondering how much fire the Girl on Fire really had.

I woke up the next morning in bed, feeling so alone, my head hurt from all the crying I had done the night before and the side next was me cold and bare, even after everything he had done to me, I still missed Peeta so much. I missed how when we woke up in the morning I would wake up snuggled in his arms or spooned against him, his light snore filling the air and the look of peace on his face, how he would wake up sometimes and see me awake first, hold me closer, kiss me on the nose and to tell me to go back to sleep. I rise out of bed and head straight to the kitchen, the coffee I drink warms my body up as I see the snow outside falling. I wonder where do I go now, Delly's pregnant and there is a chance that it is Peeta's, I think of what will happen if Peeta is the father, for some reason I can imagine a little boy, with Peeta's blonde curls, his little chubby face and smile, Peeta's eyes and nature and already I feel the tears rising up in my eyes. Though I knew there was a chance it could be Rory's too, there was a chance it could be Peeta's. I don't know what I would do right now if it was Peeta's but the first thought is to go, to leave; I know I couldn't handle it. Peeta's too much of a gentleman, I know he would be supportive, who knows perhaps they might get together so that the child could have a constant father and mother in their life, I know I couldn't handle that.

Seeing Peeta get what he always wanted, a family? No I would leave, I wouldn't go to Gale in District 2 to, after everything that has happened in the past it would be too awkward, the last time I saw him was briefly on Christmas day when he visited his family, he waved at me from across the hub last year but over the years I have just received the yearly Christmas card, I know he would like to re-establish a friendship, that he has that hope, but too much has happened. Then there's my mother in district 4, I would never go to her, Peeta has known how I felt about her since she decided to stay in 4 all those years ago, I have never accepted her apology all those years ago, when I first returned to District 12 I was a shell of a person, I needed someone here, I needed my mother, but no, she couldn't handle coming back and seeing the constant reminder, no she decided to be selfish and abandon me, I shouldn't have been surprised, look at how she was after my father's death. No, the people who were there for me were Haymitch, Greasy Sae and Peeta, my Peeta. I even thought of Delly as my friend, hell I was the one who introduced her to Rory, it sickens me now when I think of all the times I thought of her as my friend, the laughs we shared, the moments we had, we were like a family, we shared Christmas's, Easters and birthdays together, now all I feel is the knife stabbed in my back. I sit in front of the fire, I have collected a couple of books here and decide to read one, but my mind is too distracted and I find it hard to concentrate so I toss it aside. All in want to do is sleep; it seems in my sleep I can escape my reality.

Since the games my nightmare were about Peeta leaving me, or being taken away, and now it seems one has turned into reality. When I sleep I can't feel the pain, I can't feel what he's done to me. The cheating, I think I could have gotten over; we could have gotten through it together but a child? A child changes everything, if she is pregnant with Peeta's child I become nothing. What makes it worse is that District 12's hospital doesn't have the fancy equipment that the Capital has, we don't have the technology to see who is the father prior to the child's birth, the only way to find out is a standard DNA test once the child is born, which mean 9 months of agonizing thoughts and second guessing, which leaves me no-where.

It's 6 days later when I decide to go home, I don't know what I'm walking into. I decide to take my time, and keep to my thoughts. I walk through the meadow when I see a person I recognize sitting in the old place Gale and I used to hang out at. His stance is exactly like Gale's and his features too, you could easily mistake him for Gale but there was just a slight difference in his demeanour to Gale that made him stand out.

"Rory" my voice cracked, the cold winter air and the fact that I hadn't spoken to anyone in 6 days made my voice cracked and hoarse. He looks up at me, kindness in his eyes, no malice or anger towards me, he gives a small smile, and I can see the red in his eyes as much as he can probably see in mine.

"hey Kitty at" It's funny how many nicknames I had to people, Catnip was only used by Gale, Kat was always used by Peeta, kitty Kat was Rory's favourite for me and for the rest I will always be known as the Girl on Fire or Mocking jay.

He's dressed in a long overcoat and thick woollen scarf, he sits on a log with thick boots "I'll spare asking you how you are when you're probably feeling the same as me" His face looks up at me as I sit beside him, he nods in agreement.

"So you've been M.I.A for the past 6 days, have you been safe?" after all the hurt he is in, Rory still thinks of others by asking how I am, it's that moment when I can feel the tears rising in my eyes. Though things are strained between me and Gale, I never took it out on Hazelle or the family, they were like mine and I still loved them, Rory was even Peeta's best man at our wedding when Haymitch walked me down the aisle, that memory makes this situation worse. I nod to let him know I have been safe "yeah I have been at the cabin in the forest, you remember that one" I sit down next to him; I huddle to him to get some warmth.

"Yeah yeah, I kind of wish you took me there too, I've uh been trying to deal with all of this" He motions with his hands, pointing in the direction of district 12. He smiles in good humour but I know for real he is in as much pain as I am.

"I'm so sorry Rory, you don't deserve this" He looks up at me, his hair cut short for his job, his hand rubs my back but I know his meaning is for comfort as we're both in the same boat "Don't say you're sorry Katniss, you didn't do anything"

I ask him when he was told, he breathes in deep before exhaling "same night you were told, Delly told me, she's still distraught, keeps crying and apologizing, keeps telling me how much she loves me, the night she told me I was disgusted, I'm sure you were too when Peeta told you" I nod in agreement "I knew for the past couple of weeks something had changed in her, the sweetness had gone and she was acting erratic, paranoid and jumpy, when she told me, she was scared, she cried, but I couldn't take it so I stormed out, I had some alone time before I went looking for your boy Peeta, I went to the bakery first then victors village, I went to your house but you guys weren't there, I then went to his but again no one was there, after that I even tried that drunk Haymitch's, it was there that I found him, crying and running around coz he couldn't find you, I punched him square in the face hence the bandage on my knuckles" he chuckles "but good old Abernathy split us up throwing me out and threatening me if I ever came back. Since then I've been at my mum's house, my mother rang Gale up, he's pretty furious, he's never been a fan of Peeta's anyway since you chose Peeta over him so this just adds to his 'reasons to hate Peeta list' " he quotes using bunny fingers emphasizing Gale's distain of Peeta. "Delly's been calling me again and again, there is a chance it's mine and if that is the case I will stay with her, she's asked me to come back but I think for the next couple of weeks I'll stay at mums".

I nod with him "and what about Peeta?" I ask,

"He's staying at home now, it got through the village pretty quickly what's happened, so much to say that he's not going into work, too many people talking, but I don't think he cares about that, he's been looking for you every day in the woods, when he can't find you he stays at the house waiting with Haymitch, from what mum told me he's devastated, he's scared he's lost you for good, it seems the only person who can talk to him is Abernathy". A part of this breaks my heart, whilst another part tells me he deserves to feel like this. We sit together talking for another hour before getting up to leave as the snows falls heavier. We go through the backstreets to avoid the people and their stares, Rory and I walk back together. He walks me home to Victors Village, I'm scared of the initial reaction to Peeta, and what am I going to say? How will I act? It's been 6 days since the revelation and I'm still raw from the pain.

"Don't worry, he's at Haymitch's" I look up to Rory's face, his grey seam eyes meeting mine "I watched him walk over there this morning on my way to the woods, he seems to go there every morning for at least 2 hours sobbing onto Haymitch's shoulder, he's not at home, you think I haven't got you back?" He faintly smiles at me before it goes, again, after all the pain that's happened to Rory he still thinks of others. I reach my front door and open it, the quietness of the house indicating Peeta's not there, thankfully all my years of hunting have given me a keen sense at hearing. I'm about to invite Rory in for a coffee when I hear my name called out, and not by Rory.

"Katniss" I don't waste time even turning to look at him; I just push myself into the front door hearing Rory command me to close the door. I lock the front door then the back, knowing I'm not ready to face him yet, not ready for him to be in my face, I just need him away. I slump down on the ground, my back against the front door as I hear the two men arguing outside.

"Fuck off Mellark, you've caused her enough pain for one lifetime" the sweetness of Rory disappears as I see the man come through, the same fire that Gale had. I feel my heart beating a million times a minute as the tears stream down my face.

"Rory, I know I've wronged you but that's my wife in there, my wife who I have not seen in 6 days, now you can willingly move yourself or ill remove you if I have to but either way I'm going to see my wife!" I hear Peeta scream.

"She stopped being your wife the second you cheated on her, you didn't seem to care or think of her when you were busy fucking my fiancée so fuck off Peeta or so help me..."

"Rory I just need to talk to her, I just need to make sure she's ok, I just need to see her!" Peeta's screaming now and I'm afraid where this is leading to.

"Over my dead body baker boy, you want to see you her you gotta get through me" A part of me want to scream for them to stop, to stop the madness, this isn't them before I hear Haymitch interrupting.

"No one is killing themselves today" I stand up to look through the keyhole and see both men standing opposite each other gearing up for a fight, Haymitch is now in between them a bottle in his hand, 8:00 in the morning and his already starting with bourbon. Peeta looks dishevelled, his blonde hair messy, his face is drawn and bags shadow his once carefree eyes. He hasn't shaved and he looks 10 years older.

"Now, I've already had to split you two up this week and me and my hangover are in no mood today for more fighting so what I suggest is Peeta, go back to my house, sit down and breath and you Hawthorne, don't make me have to repeat my threat of you coming back here, I'm pretty sure I made myself clear the other day now you look like a smart lad, I'm pretty sure you're smarter than your brother Gale and I dealt with him to so I know you'll take my advice and leave" Haymitch looks serious now and he stares at Rory, Rory not even moving a muscle, he stares at Haymitch longer before smirking and walking off, not before coming back to the front door "kitty Kat, I'm coming back in an hour ok, just lock yourself in the house and don't open till I come back", I watch as he walks off, giving an evil look Peeta's way, Haymitch then turns to Peeta and mutters something to him, I watch as I see tears In Peeta's eyes streaming down his face and he walks back to Haymitch's house.

I look at the state at the house, it hasn't been changed since I left, the cup that I smashed when Peeta first told me still lies on the floor, my boots and bow still remain at the front door, it's like everything has remained in a time capsule. I'm about to walk upstairs to the bedroom when my thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door "you gotta open up sometime sweetheart" I open up the door to see a very bleary eyed Haymitch, he looks me up and down and walks past me right into the house, I shut the door not wanting the cold air to come, as I close I can see Peeta on the front porch at Haymitch's trying to make what's going over here.

"So I see you're back, you ok?" for the first time, I can see a genuine care in Haymitch's eye that I haven't seen since the games. For what Haymitch is, he may be a drunken, vile, crude sod sometimes but underneath it is a smart man with a heart.

"Sure Haymitch, I've had my heart ripped out by the man I loved and betrayed by my best friend but other than that I'm just super" I answer with no subtle hint of sarcasm, he collapses on the lounge taking a swig out of his bottle.

"Well you still have that spark in you so I know you're not completely damaged" Haymitch continues to look at me, an awkward silence fills the air.

"He's falling apart over there girl, this has damaged him as much as you" he states sombrely. At first I can't believe this, trust Haymitch to pick Peeta's side, he always did, he always reminded me that I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve him "Oh, so this is my fault is that it? I brought this on myself" I start to feel the anger rise from the pit of my stomach to my throat, I'm already getting defensive.

"I never said it was your fault darling, believe me I've been reminding him the past couple of days how big he fucked up, of all the stupidest mistake to make, fucking little Delly Cartwright tops the list, but after everything you two have been through, you're gonna throw it away over this" He motions with his fingers in a circular fashion "She's not worth it, he's been stressing enough for the both of us this past week, everyday he's been going out to the woods to look for you and at night he returns a broken man but believe me girl, you two have been through enough in this lifetime and the next, something like this is not worth throwing your marriage away" he finishes staring at me in the face, his voice completely calm all the way through, Haymitch when he spoke like this was a concern, whenever he spoke like this you listened as you knew he was being serious. I choke through my sobs as I feel hot tears descend my face.

"I wasn't the one who threw this marriage away Haymitch, he did, he did! And all because he couldn't wait! I never said I didn't want children, I just said I couldn't have them now!" by this time I'm screaming, not caring if Peeta can hear me across from where he is.

Haymitch gets up from his seat taking another swig from the bottle before looking me in the eye "darling everything you're saying to me has already been mentioned to me this week by Peeta, it sounds like a stuck record that has gone around and around and around and frankly that is not good for my head especially when I'm suffering from a hangover, I'm just saying please, don't throw away something that is rare, your relationship weathered a war, a rebellion, his episodes, if you guys survived that, you can survive this" with that he goes leaving me in the coldness and quietness of my house, the only sounds are the sobs coming from my throat as I try to stifle them before I collapse on the ground and cry.

I wake up a couple of hours later, it's now later in the afternoon, dark outside, I feel guilty at first as the day is gone but I know my body and mind have been exhausted and I needed the rest. I get up from the cold hard floor, my body sore as I stretch it out, I'm about to make myself a cup of coffee before I hear small knock on my front door. I'm about to open it when I stop, I recognize the knock as Peeta's, I take my hand back from the door knob and remain quiet hoping he would go away.

"Kat, Kat it's me" I hear his voice, so quiet and hoarse. It sounds so small like a mouse.

"Kat I'm not coming in, I know you don't want to see me right now, Haymitch said it would be best to give you some time and leave you be" as he speaks I hold my hand to the door, despite the hurt I still love him, a part of me just wants to run into his arms, another is saying no, it was strange, the only thing between us was a door however there was so much more, now it could be a future child.

"Kat, I'm uh staying at mine tonight, but I wanted to leave you some bread that I made, they're an assortment of your favourites that I know you like, I just want to make sure you're eating, Haymitch said he noticed you were thin so I got worried" I can hear him starting to sniffle and his throat catching, I slump to the ground with my back up against the door holding my knees on my chest hoping that would stifle the sound of my tears as I tried to choke them back.

"So um I'm gonna stay at mine till uh you want to talk, I don't want you to rush just take the time you need, I'm just gonna leave it here for you, just uh please remember Kat that I love you, I'm never gonna stop, I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I don't really care about anything else I just, I just want you back in my life ok so you take the time you need and I'll be waiting for you"

I can hear him crying by this point and his heavy footprints leaving the porch, I stand to look up through the keyhole making sure he is back in his house, for all I k now he's probably doing the same to me to, looking through the keyhole to ensure I pick up the bread. I wait a couple of minutes before quickly opening the door and slamming it not wanting the harsh winter cold coming through. I start the fire up quickly warming the house up and place the bag on the dinner table, I start the kettle up deciding on hot chocolate instead. I open up the bag to see all my favourite breads that Peeta would make for me. Twisted onion and chive log that he would heat up and butter for me in the past, cinnamon rolls, sundried tomato and herb bread fashioned in a love knot, a pumpkin and seed log that he created last year Christmas that I devoured in 5 minutes of him placing on the table which made him laugh and of course my favourite cheese buns, Peeta would make sure that the house was always fully stacked with cheese buns as he knew I would get cranky if I didn't have them in the morning, or afternoon or night. These memories start flooding back to me as I look at the buns.

5 years ago after our wedding

"_Peeta come back to bed" I say smiling, I stretch my body out like a cat, the thin sheet over me as we revel in the aftermath of last night, I'm now known as Mrs Mellark which Peeta reminded me 4 times last night._

_Peeta, gets up out of bed putting his boxers back on and smiling back at me. "I can't" he leans down to kiss my nose. "someone had a bit too much to drink last and got sick at the reception, though I have to admit, you vomiting all over Haymitch's shoes was probably the highlight of the event, that and you saying I do" he smiles "I'm going downstairs to make my wife breakfast in bed so I can put something back into her stomach" he kisses me one more time, it's deep and full of love before he comes back up for air "don't be too long" I smile at him. He walks out before coming back in with a tray of juice and cheese buns, he's heated them up and slathered it with butter, just how I like them. He puts it on my lap before returning to bed, removing his boxes and holding me around my waist. He slowly kisses my neck and collarbone as I eat the bun, I'm not sure which is more delicious, the cheese bun or Peeta right now, I just know I'm in heaven. _

"_I wish I could freeze this moment with you, just lay in bed all day, eating my favourite food, worshipping each other, do you think anyone would notice?" I look at him as I smile. _

_He looks back up at me, stopping his exploration of my neck with his tongue "I don't know, but I do know that I can arrange it that no-one disturbs us for the rest of the day" before I know it his taking the food out of my hands and placing the tray on the floor. _

"_Peeta, I was eating that, it was really delicious and I only had a mouthful in my mouth" I start complaining sounding like a sook before he gets back on top of me and smiling. _

"_how about if I told you I have something more delicious that I can put in your mouth" winking at me, before I know it his hungry mouth is on mine and we reside in bed for the rest of the day, him reminding me my new name._

It's then that I snap out of my day dreaming, and I look around at reality, me left alone with nothing but old memories of a happy time and a dark and empty house.

So where will they go from here? I was thinking of doing a POV of Peeta too. I have a lot of areas that I want to explore so if any of you have any ideas or suggestions on what you would like to see let me know, as always reviews are important to me, it' s always great to hear from people who I hope are enjoying this and it makes me smile!:-). I'm hearing from people that they would like to see more drama and I can promise that there will DEFINITELY be more drama


	5. Chapter 5

Hello my lovely readers! Wow you guys are amazing; truly you make my day and me smile! I have such a crappy job and when I see that you guys have taken the time out of your busy schedule to give me the most loveliest reviews, it just makes my day worthwhile!:-) I've had a lot of great suggestions and from what I'm reading people want to see more drama and this chapter definitely shows that! I want to say a great thanks to my followers, you guys are so cool each and every one of you! The song I decide to set in this chapter is "Apologize" by One Republic

Chapter 5: 

It's been 4 days, Peeta keeps bringing me bread. He tried to talk to me through the door but I can't even listen anymore, I just feel so numb and empty, I don't think I could take the pain anymore, no matter how many showers I take or how hot it is, I can't seem to wash the pain away, I scrub my skin till its red and painful, but I prefer that hurt than the hurt in my soul. I step out of the shower and put some fresh, clean clothes on. It's been a week since I took better care of myself, my hair is in a knotted mess, my skin is rough, and I look like the monster from the black swamp. It's 10:00 in the day, and I know Peeta has gone to the bakery, I watched him go when he dropped off the bag of assorted bread for me on my doorstep, he waited for a couple of moments, to see if I would open the door, but after 15 minutes he got the message and left.

I open the front door, it's been about a week since I came back and I have been cooped up in this house, the smell of the woods lingers in the air as I inhale it, how I've missed it. I start to walk down Victors Lane, I look over towards Haymitch's house and see him sitting on his porch, a bottle already in his hand, he nods to me and continues to watch me walk. The air is cold and my boots falls heavily through the snow, I rug up with my hunting jacket and thick scarf. I walk through the town and make my way towards the hub, I can feel the stares from some of the townspeople, none of them with hate, just curiosity and pity, I can hear their whispers behind my back as I walk through but I keep my head up high, I refuse to be scorned at when I've done nothing. I walk through the hub, looking for Greasy Sae; I spot her warm smile and walk over to her sitting on one of the stools.

She places a warm bowl of stew in front, I go to get some coins from my pocket but she puts her hand over mine "you keep it, if you want to return the favour, get me some nice venison next time you're out in the woods" she warmly smiles at me. I think I need this right now, just being in the company of her eases some of the tension I have. I spend an hour there before I make my way, leaving the hustle and bustle of the space. I exit through the door and turn towards my way to Victors Lane before I bump into a presence I wish would vanish. I stare into the eyes of Delly Cartwright, her eyes are tired and heavy with shadows, her hair a mess in a bun, she wears tight leggings with a long jacket and scarf, her face is pale, I don't know whether from the cold or from the devastation she helped create. Her eyes look hurt as she looks into mine but all I feel is the anger and pain she has caused, not just to me but Rory as well, how many people's lives had to be ruined because of their mistake?

I see the tears starting to well in her eyes and feel the eyes of those from around us, seeing what is about to transpire. "Katniss" she whispers looking at me as if I would have any remorse for her. I walk away from her, disgusted that she could even approach me; I'm already walking ahead of her when she catches up.

"Katniss, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME TALK" I hear the pleading in her voice but I ignore her voice as I continue walking, I feel the stares and whispers from those around, a part of me just wants to run but another revels in the humiliation of Delly.

"Katniss, PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO TALK YOU!" She grabs my other arm to listen before I throw it off and face her.

"and say WHAT DELLY?! WHAT?!" I scream, now attracting the stares of everyone around the hub, I see Greasy Sae approaching with worry written all over her face. I can't even control my anger anymore before I feel it explode, "SAY HOW YOU FUCKED MY HUSBAND? HOW YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK? YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND DELLY MY BEST FRIEND! WE WENT THROUGH DISTRICT 13 TOGETHER, YOU WERE BRIDESMAID AT MY WEDDING, MY WEDDING! I INTRODUCED YOU TO RORY, I DID THAT AND HOW DO YOU REPAY ME? BY SCREWING MY HUSBAND" I'm not stopping now, like a volcano I'm just letting it all spew, I'm waving my hands around and screaming in her face as I see the tears in her eyes start to fall as she winces at my harsh words, I can see her shaking now and now her simple tears turn to sobs.

"I'm so sorry Katniss, I'm sorry, the last people I would ever want to hurt is you and Peeta, you know how much I love you two, you are my family!" she's now shrieking now, trying to hold my hand as I rip it from her.

"No, you lost that right after what you did, AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE EVEN USED A FUCKING CONDOM!" I'm thinking of every harsh, painful thing say, to embarrass her, humiliate her, to cause the pain as slowly as I could in front of everyone so they would know her as the home wrecker she'd become.

"Kat, if I could take it back I would, I swear, the hurt I've caused you and Rory I know will take a lifetime to repair and I'm hoping, praying that this child is Rory's, do you think I would want to separate the two star crossed lovers? The two winning Victors? Katniss no, despite what I've done, please I love YOU as my sister and I will work every day to earn your trust back please!" I see and hear the pleading in her eyes and voice, I just stare at her for a long period of time, I start to feel like everything has gone in slow motion before again I feel the anger rise up from my core to my heart, to my throat and before I realise it I slap her as hard as I can across her face using every ounce of force I can muster, I hear the gasps from the townspeople and see their shocked faces. I don't think even Delly expected it before I see her hold her face, I'm not sure what is harsher, the cold winter air which bites or the cold and forceful slap.

"YOU. LOST. THAT. RIGHT. I will NEVER forgive, you could live a thousand lifetimes and my hate for you will last longer than eternity. I don't want you pity, I want your absence" I walk away and see the hurt in her eyes while she still clutches her faces. I walk through the crowd as they part to let me through, heads bowed down not looking at me in the eye it's not until I get further away that I hear Greasy Sae shout out "what are you looking at huh, get back to work, leave the girl be!" in some ways sometimes I think Greasy Sae has been more of a mother to me than my own, out of the corner of my eye I no longer feel the eyes of the crowd but the crystal blue eyes of my husband as he looks down from his bakery window.'

So what do you think guys? I thought there had to be a chapter dedicated to a confrontation between Delly and Katniss, there's a girls code and what Delly did to Katniss wasn't right so I thought we really needed to see how Katniss reacted, what would she do, let Delly know how she feels, I wanted the feelings to be raw. I really hope you guys liked it and enjoyed it, I know it's a short chapter and I've already written up a longer chapter that will be updated soon but I wanted to give you something in the meantime Again guys please review, it makes me smile soooo much!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello my lovely readers! Wow can I just say I have such a lovely bunch of readers, you guys make my day! Here is the newest chapter, I hope you like it, it is emotional however I wanted to convey the raw emotions, the feelings that anybody would feel in this situation. I hope you guys like it , the song I set to this chapter is David Guetta's "She Wolf".

As always, all rights reserved to Suzanne Collins who created this amazing series. CAUTION: presence of coarse language, just a heads up

One month later.

My visits into town are scarce, Peeta tries to contact me, when he's not talking to me through the door, he's passing messages to Haymitch to give to me or calling me on the phone, it's gotten to the point where I've ripped the cord from the wall. The only times I leave are to go into the woods where I stay at the cabin for days sometimes, to avoid the constant reminder of what lies before me. Rory is the only one who knows the exact co-ordinates of where this place is, he brings me fresh fruit and bread as well as other things. He talks to me of his situation with Delly, he's sticking by in case the kid is his, he's trying to be supportive as much as he can however he admits it's hard to control his temper when he sees Peeta around, Peeta being the gentleman has offered to be as supportive as he can till he can find out whether or not the child is his. Rory tells me he keeps asking questions of me to which Rory gives no answer. My dreams are played with the worst scenarios as I dream of the child that is the result of their union, I feel torn apart.

Without Rory's support I know I would be dead. Hazelle and the rest are doing their best and from what I've heard from Rory the town is on my side, they shun Delly and Peeta has resided to staying in his office at work, they can't shun his business as his is the only business that does bread and the Mellarks bakery has been around for decades in District 12, everyone trusts them for their baked goods. Rory tells me that he stays in his office doing paperwork whilst the employees do the work at the front, sometimes he doesn't go to the bakery but stays out the front of my house waiting till late before Haymitch collects him and takes him back to his place.

Rory leaves me in the afternoon making sure I am safe and full stocked with food and warm. I leave 2 days later, late in the evening around 5:38pm I start to head home and think of where I go from here. I don't want to think of this but I suppose I was going to have to at some time. I walk through the meadow inhaling the fresh snow and scent of pine, this always eases a bit of the pain as I breathe in deep and out. I walk through the town, no-one really noticing me, everyone too focused on the cold, I make my way to the hub to visit Greasy Sae just to let her know that I'm ok and alive and maybe stay for her stew. I'm about to enter the warmth when something catches my eye and takes my breath away and not in a good way. I see Delly across the hub by herself, browsing around, she doesn't see me as I hide behind a stall but I see the small bump in her lower abdomen, a small bump that is growing inside of her that will come into this world soon. I feel the hot tears in my eyes and the anxiety in my heart as it beats like a drum, the pit in my stomach falling lower and lower and the room spins around, I need air as I run outside and run for my life towards Victors Lane as if mutts were chasing me. I run inside my house slamming the door behind me before collapsing on the ground passing out. I wake up and it's 1:48 in the morning, wow how long was I passed out for?! I get up and brush my hair from my face and straighten myself, my body sore from being on the hard floorboard floor, I got to stop sleeping on the ground. I'm reminded of the thoughts from today and immediately I'm running towards the kitchen sink and vomiting, the acid burning the back of my throat. I rinse my mouth out and drink some water realising what brought me to this, that bump, that small bump that Delly had, he would grow day by day as much as my fear would.

I stop for a few minutes in the cold, dark empty house to my thoughts. I don't think I can handle it, it's too much. Before I know it I'm running upstairs to our bedroom, I grab 2 suitcases from under the bed and open them, turning to my dresser and frantically shoving my belongings in it. I'm opening my wardrobe doors and throwing my clothes in, still on their coat hangers, I don't even know what I'm packing and I don't even really care, I just know I can't be here, I can't watch Delly's pregnancy before my eyes and have people wonder how I am! I'm throwing things into my bags, I open my bedside table and remove some of my personal belonging, I come across the pearl Peeta gave me years ago, the pearl that symbolised hope, our love, how far we had come across and what we had gone through, I sit on the bed as I feel it between my fingers, it's the only thing I take that is a reminder of Peeta. I run down stairs with my bags, I know there is a 6:00 train that goes from here all the way to the Capital. I'm throwing my stuff downstairs when I look up to see the eyes of a bleary eyed and vile smelling Haymitch.

I walk down the remaining stairs, not even bothering to talk, I can see he knows what I'm doing. I avoid his gaze as I continue to collect some belongings making sure that everything is turned off and locking the back door.

"So, this is you way of solving your problems sweetheart?" he asks me as he leans against the archway, I'm turning the lights off and picking my remaining items "I can't do it Haymitch, I just can't please I'm not in the mood" I say scrambling to get my things, it is now 3:02 am "Well darling, I'm in no mood too, I'm in no mood to be woken from my lovely slumber to hear you slamming items here and seeing you run off at the oh lovely time of 3 in the morning" He continues following me into the kitchen

"What are you talking about lovely slumber? You were passed out drunk" I reply, I go to walk past him before he grabs my arm before I face him "don't do this sweetheart, it will break him" he pronounces each word slowly aiming for full affect.

"He broke me, he broke my heart in half when he slept with her!" I state aiming to leave

"Shit happens Katniss, where are you gonna go? He made one lousy mistake, one! yet he stayed around for all the times you ignored him during the games, the times you played him around after the games, your cosy little trips into the woods with Gale, he was there, don't forget he came back to you, to this dump after his rehabilitation, he didn't have to, he could have gone anywhere I know I would have, yet he came here for you, and after all this you're gonna leave him over one lousy screw?!"He's tone more urgent and his grip much tighter. I pull my arm from his hand

"Yeah well that one little screw has now led to a child!" I say turning to grab my coat. He follows me from the room to the door trying to pursued me.

"A child that may not even be his, you need to talk to him, running is gonna solve shit darling, look I know what he did was fucked but if you do this, it will kill him, not to mention you" he looks at me deep into my eyes, I have no words for him other than the truth.

"I'm sorry Haymitch, but I can't stay and see that child grow everyday as a constant reminder of what they did" I can feel the tears welling now, he lets go of my arm and accepts that I'm leaving "fine, I'll tell the boy, it will be easier to hear from me and call me ok, you can at least let me know that you safe, where are you gonna go?"

I shake my head at him, I haven't even thought of where I'm going, I go into the study and remove my address book placing it in my jacket pocket "I don't know, I'll sort it out when I'm on the train, I just need to get out of here fast, I'll call you though when I get there and let you know"

He nods once and follows me out, it's 4:00 and I need to get to the station fast to buy my ticket, I lock up my house with Haymitch behind me, he's walking down Victors Lane when I stop to look around, I look him in his eyes knowing soon that Peeta will be up to go to the bakery so I need to make this fast "Haymitch, can you just uh" I can start to feel the tears welling up and right now I don't even care that Haymitch can see "For all that's happened and even though I hate him right now, can you know, watch him please? Just don't let him do anything dangerous or stupid ok, just watch him please?" I ask him and for once we actually agree on something. He holds me tight in his embrace, just like the ones my fathers used to do, a hug that actually says more than words, that he loves me, I wipe my eyes and leave Victors Village, picking the pace towards the train station. I 'm walking fast towards the station before I hear a whistle behind me, I turn around to see Rory. He's wearing Gale's old hunting jacket and his thick hunting boots, despite the cold outside his smile warms me up and eases my pain "going somewhere?" he asks me looking at my suitcases. I look from the suitcase up to him "was I that obvious?" I joke.

"Oh give me some credit Kittykat, Gale taught me a thing or two about hunting, and I was out clearing my thoughts, it's hard to sleep at night when you know your fiancée could be knocked up by another man!" he smiles, he still manages to makes things lighter than they appear "so you gonna tell me where you're going?" in some way Rory reminds me of Gale, or what Gale once was, softer, kind of my best friend. In the years since the rebellion I've been closer to Rory.

I look away towards the train station, it's now 4:46, and I need to get there before the train comes at 6:00.

"I'm sorry Rory, I can't stay and I know that it sounds awful, especially when you're in the same situation I'm in, we've both been betrayed, but I can't stay and watch it, I can't for the next 9 months wonder and second guess whether or not that child is his" I sigh, feeling defeated and empty. He nods and walks over to and picks my bags up, for a minute I'm left wondering if he's taking me back to my place but he heads for the station with ahead of me.

"Well are you coming? Trains not gonna wait for you" he says with a small smile. I start to follow him as we head to the station up the stairs. He walks with me to purchase my ticket and sits with me as we wait, there's only 2 other people waiting on the station, and they are doctors going back to the Capital as they helped with the running of the hospital.

"So you don't judge me? You're not gonna hate me for leaving for a while?" I ask, too afraid to look at him in case he does.

He exhales loudly before looking up from his feet to me "Katniss, out of all of us here, you are the last person I'm gonna judge. I know why you're leaving, it's hard for me as it is for you, I'm staying coz despite everything I still love her, and there is a chance that that baby is mine. But I know it's gonna be hard for you to watch as that baby grows, you're gonna have me and Peeta constantly around Delly to see if that baby is ours till it's born and I can't see you get hurt any more than you are now. I love you too much, you're my sister" he ribs me with my shoulder which brings the tiniest hint of a smile.

"Can you do me a favour, I haven't left Buttercup with anyone, can you take her for me till I come back?" he nods for me "sure". We continue to sit in silence for some while before he breaks it.

"So you gonna tell me where you're going? You may not be in my district but I'm still gonna worry about you" he looks up at me.

"I don't even know, Johanna's in 7 so I might go there, then there's my mum but I think I'll have a better idea once I'm on the train" my sentence is cut short when we hear the train coming, the engine getting louder as it slowly pulls in, by now the sun is slowly starting to come over and daylight is breaking. Rory helps me with my luggage on board giving it to one of the employees, he turns to me for a goodbye, he holds me tight in a warm embrace and kisses me on the forehead before holding my shoulders and looking at me.

"You stay strong ok? I'm not asking I'm telling you and don't worry about Peeta I'll watch him ok, I may hate the bastard but I know anything tragic that does happen to him will affect you more, I'll sort the mess here, just don't be away too long kat, don't be away too long, we need you here too, let me know when you get there, where ever you are to let me know you're safe" he finishes, giving me one last hug, his hugs like Haymitche's says more than words. It's killing me to say goodbye for the time being but I know it's for the best, I try to choke back the sobs but their breaking through and falling, the air is so cold their probably turning to ice before they even hit the ground.

"I will, I'll ring you" I smile weakly before him, I get on the train, the last time I was on one of these it was coming back from the Capital, trains have always been a representation of the Capital, another symbol of extravagance. I look back at him and he waves to me, I turn to find my compartment and close the door. I sit on the seat and rest my eyes for a second before removing my address book front my front pocket, I start to scroll through the list of names of people I know, my mother? NO, Johanna? Possibly but that's too risky, Peeta knows I still remain close to her, he would track me down, it's the first person he would choose. Gale? Awkward, I don't need a reminder, I'm racking my brain trying to figure out who I turn to when I come across a page in my book, it's so simple, so easy, so obvious, BINGO! I try to get settled into my seat for the long journey when I hear my name from outside.

"KATNISS! KATNISS!"

I turn to look outside the window to see a frantic Peeta looking through the windows of the train, he's looking for me, I watch as Rory steps in his way trying to hold him back, they seem to be arguing before Peeta pushes him aside, the train jolts and I feel it start to move, I feel the anxiety rising from my stomach to my heart as I hear him call my name outside, my sobs come through and I can't hold them back, I hope that this compartment is soundproof as I can't bear anyone hearing this. My mind and heart are going a million miles per minute as I cradle my head in my hands, not daring to look up, I quickly look up to see if he's still there and just as I do I see him spot me from the station, our eyes lock and I see the red in his eyes knowing he's been crying, he's dressed in his baker outfit, Haymitch must have gone to the bakery to tell him hoping I had already left by the time he told. Our eyes meet and he's running towards my window, his fists banging on the window, I thank God the train doors are locked as I know he would jump on to be with me.

"KATNISS, KATNISS! Please don't do this, please don't leave me, I love you, you have to remember that, Katniss, KATNISS!" I hear him scream from outside, the train is starting to pick up its speed now as we depart, as the train starts to leave I cover my mouth with my hand trying desperately to stifle the sobs coming from my mouth. I see him from the corner of my eye running on the platform to try and keep up with the train, his eyes never leaving me.

"KATNISS! KATNISS, I LOVE YOU, REMEMBER THAT, I LOVE YOU! By this time the train passes the platform as it starts to get quicker, I look back to see a crestfallen Peeta collapse on his knees on the platform, out of breath and crying holding his head towards the ground. I sit back in my seat, my heart breaking in pieces, the tears that fall burning down my cheeks as I don't hold them back anymore, the pounding in my head as a result of what has happened, the last words that escape that escape my mouth before I close my eyes holding my heart is "I love you too Peeta"

So what do we think? Who is the mystery person that Katniss is going to stay with? What district will she go to? What's going to happen to Peeta while she is gone? All questions will be answered, please review, I love to hear what you think and your suggestions, again you guys are the best and make me smile, it's been so lovely to hear from you, this fic is a journey, about Peeta and Katniss finding themselves again and their love, I want to make this relationship as real as I can, the raw emotions and all, again I hope you guys enjoy


	7. Chapter 7

Hi Guys Sorry for the late update!:-) It means so much to me that you guys have been reviewing, it makes my day so much and brings a smile to my face! Well this chapter is dedicated to Peeta in his view, I wanted people to get a sense of where his head is at and his feelings. The song I have set to this chapter is Seether's "Broken". I hope you like this chapter and enjoy it, there will be more to come!

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins who create this series.

Peeta POV:

I wake from my slumber on the lounge downstairs. I daren't go to the bedroom as it just seems to empty, without Kat I can't sleep, in fact sleeping is the worst part of my day, when I wake she is not there, I awake to coldness and at night I feel her side, cold and empty. My nightmares seem to come back, Kat was the only one to make them go away, I hop off the lounge, it's 5:15am, I dress in my bakers outfit today except wear a long sleeve v-neck for the oncoming cold outside, once I leave her breads on her doorstep with a note I'll make my way to the bakery. I know my assistant manager will be opening, thankfully my team has not made me feel any worse than I already do. I know they have been talking about it, hell the entire town has been talking about it, but I don't care, I just miss her. I walk to the kitchen and start on making her more bread, I'm thinking of adding a croissant today too, when I hear a knock at the door. I quickly run to the door to see if it's her, maybe she will take me back, when I realise the knock is too heavy for hers. I open to find a bleary eyed Haymitch, he drags himself and walks past me not saying a word, he rests his bottle on the fireplace mantle, thankfully its out.

"Hey Haymitch" he looks at me, his hand resting on the mantel piece as he stares at me with no emotion. "Listen kid why don't you have a seat ok" I'm worried all of a sudden but think nothing of it, Haymitch has been the only shoulder to lean on, though he did hit me in the face the first time I told him what I did to Kat. Haymitch will never admit it, pride I believe but he loves Katniss as the daughter he never had, he acted so cool when Katniss asked him to walk her down the aisle, but I swear I saw him wipe his eyes a couple of times. I rush off to make bread for Katniss, since Haymitch told me Katniss looked thinner, I've been wanting to make sure Katniss eats, she doesn't know it but when I drop off the bread I watch the house through my blinds till she opens the door to pick it up, just to get a glimpse of her.

"I'm sorry Haymitch, but I really do need to make Katniss some more bread ok I wanna make sure she's eating over there" I start to walk over to the kitchen "Peeta's just take a sec and listen to me" Haymitch follows me while I get the ingredients running around the kitchen.

"I can't Haymitch ok I really need to get this done" my God I feel like a wreck without enough sleep, I'm about to make the croissants when Haymitch makes me stop "she's gone Peeta" I look up at him "what to the woods again? Ok well I'll have a look in the woods again with some bread for her, hopefully I can find the cabin this time" I say throwing the towel over my shoulder. Haymitch takes a sigh "No Peeta I mean she's gone" I look at him, not understanding what he meant "what are you saying Haymitch?"

He stands in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning on the archway. "I mean boy, she's gone, she packed her bags and left for the train station, she's leaving District 12 to breathe" Haymitch says, I don't what was harder to hear, Katniss saying she hated me and how I ripped out her heart or Haymitch telling me she's leaving me. I look at him stone faced, shocked, sick, I feel the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter rising up to my chest and my heart beating harder and harder and faster and faster. "No, she's" I take a hard gulp "she goes to the cabin, to" I feel the hard sobs coming through, I try to choke them back along with my tears but it works to no avail

"Boy I tried to talk to her, but she made her decision, she had it set, she packed her bags and wanted to go, you know what's she like , Peeta, she's as stubborn as a mule, she's gone Peeta, let her go, she will come back but she needs to be away from this" He says

"No, no, I can't I just can't, I've lost everything in life Haymitch, I'm not gonna lose her too!" I quickly grab my jacket an shoes and run out into the freezing cold, I run as fast as I can with my artificial leg, I look at my watch 5:48, dammit! I run as fast as my artificial leg will take me as I get to the train station to stop her, I know if she leaves, I'm dead, I don't want to live. Shooting pains extend all the way up my calves and the air hurts my lungs with each breath, I look on the station to see Rory watching and waiting. I start to call out her name when Rory see's me, his tall stature overshadows me but I don't care, I've lost so much I have nothing else to lose. He tries to hold me back as I try to push him aside "dammit it Mellark haven't you caused her enough pain! Let her go, you want to save what's ever left of your crumbling marriage then let her go!" Rory shouts in my face, I push past as him as I see the train start to move, I look through the windows to get one glimpse of her, to have her hear me say what I need to say, how I love her, please don't leave me! I race on the station to see her when finally my fleeting glance quickly catches her, what have I done to her? I see that little sparkle has left her, her face is pale and gaunt, the only colour present is the red in her eyes from all the crying, I scream to her through the window racing the train to keep up with it, I try in vain to stay ahead of the train before it passes me as well as my future and wife. I collapse to the ground, I cry out, the sound of a wounded animal, the tears burn my eyes and I feel my heart explode, the woman I love is gone, and there's no one else to blame but myself.

I sit on my knees on the train station, I let time pass, I stare at the cold ground not caring who saw, the tears fall freely as I sit in silence listening to the cold air, my knees ache on the cold ground but I don't care, it's nothing compared to the ache in my heart. After what seems like an eternity, I finally remove myself from the ground and begin the slow agonizing walk back to my house, I walk staring at the ground feeling numb, lost and as if someone just removed my heart.

I slowly make my way back to Victors Village and open the door to my home letting myself in, I stand there in silence with my back to the door in the foyer, I slowly go into the lounge room. I have a headache from the crying and my eyes are puffy and sore, I look around the house and see the room, pictures of Katniss everywhere, even though this was my second home used for baking and storing my paintings, I still like to be reminded of Katniss. The walls are adorned with Katniss, pictures of our wedding day, we were so happy, carefree and smiling, it was the beginning of our lives, our happy lives, free from the chaos that had been embedded in our past lives. I stare at the walls, silence all around, I pick up a picture of me kissing Katniss on the cheek as she stares at the camera smiling, before I know it my tears of sadness are replaced by tears of anger, I did this, I destroyed this happiness, after everything we had overcome, the suffering and pain, the rebellion, we finally achieved our happy ending before I destroyed it by one stupid mistake. Before I know it I'm throwing the picture frame across the room and up turning the chair, I smash the ornaments and picture frames of us on the mantel piece and smash a chair against the living room table, I'm screaming in anger and punching the walls in anger repeatedly not caring who can hear.

Before I know it my knuckles are cut and bleeding and I'm exhausted and crying in pain, I collapse on the ground, my sobs breaking through as I look on at the destruction, my lounge room resembles my life at this point; broken into pieces, smashed beyond repair and distant memories of a happier time. I look around my room in silence before noticing the smashed picture frame of Katniss and me, I remove the shards of glass and take the picture out of its smashed frame, I stare at her smiling face and the sparkle in her eyes and remember the look of her on the train, pale and gaunt. I am no longer known as Peeta Mellark, loving husband of Katniss Mellark, one of the star crossed lovers, but Peeta Mellark, the man who successfully extinguished the Girl on Fire.

I hope you guys like it, I have had a couple of people ask for a Peeta POV and I wanted to give you guys what you been wanting as it means a lot to me that you guys take the time to read my fic. I wanted people to see how this is affecting Peeta and how he realises that yes he made a massive mistake and he acknowledges it, he knows he betrayed Katniss and this is torturing him. I like to set the mood to my chapters with songs, so please let me know if you want me to start writing out the lyrics in the chapters so you can have a feel of the mood. The next chapters will start to see the journey, they are now separated but they will come back, it's just a journey, I know some of you were worried but don't fret my lovelies, there is a point of the return and a method to my madness as they say, this is the journey that they both will take so we will start to see that journey now which I am excited for! Reviews always make me happy guys so please review, again thanks to my followers and reviewers, you guys are just awesome


	8. Chapter 8

Hello my lovely readers! :-) Well here is the new updated chapter, I hope you guys like it. Thank you again for taking the time to read and review, it makes my day We're going to start to see the journey from here so I hope you will enjoy it as it's going to start to go up now which is exciting! I do apologize if there are any typos or spelling errors, I haven't got a beta yet, I proof read but there's always that one word that escapes! Haha you enjoy.

All rights reserved to the brilliant creator of this series, Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 10:

I arrive at my destination, the sun is shining here, the air is crisp and cold and people bustle off the train and onto the platform with more people coming on. I collect my bags with my head low; the last thing I want is anybody recognizing me as the Mockingjay. I make my way through the bustling streets, I hear the sound of the waves crash against the rocks and the strong smell of salt fills my lungs, it takes a while getting used to as I'm more used to the scent of pine and woods. I finally arrive at the complex and ring the buzzer; her whispery voice enters me in over the intercom as I push the door. I exit the elevator, the complex is very bright with greens and sea themes adorning the walls, obviously taking pride in their district and wanting everyone to know. I knock on her door and hear footsteps behind the door approaching, the door opens to reveal a calm and relaxed Annie, her hair is swept off her shoulders and she wears a maxi dress with colours of blue and aqua swirls with a light silk scarf around her neck, her smile lights up, she is the opposite of what she was after they rescued her and brought her to District 13.

"Katniss" she says in her whispery voice, and greets me by a warm embrace, I already feel all the fear I had melt away as she holds me long and tight, the tears in my eyes well up again but I wipe them away and smile.

"Come inside" she brings my bags in the door as I look at her home, it's cosy and inviting, her walls embody bright colours of blue and yellow and her balcony overlooks the ocean, the sound of the waves can be heard in here. On her walls hang pictures of her and Finnick, for the short period together they had, their love for each other comes alive through these images. She sits me down and I think to myself what she must think of me, the mess and state I am in. I look down at myself and compare myself to her; right now I am the Annie that was 5 years ago.

"Katniss, what's wrong you look so upset?" she asks holding my hands in hers. Before I know it I'm crying in her arms as I explain everything that has been happening, she holds me and wipes my tears away.

"I'm sorry Annie, I just didn't have anywhere to go, I couldn't think of another place, I'm definitely NOT going to my mother's place, I'm sorry Annie I don't mean to intrude" she strokes my arm as I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running into the lounge room.

"Moooooommy! I'm awake from my nap!" I turn to see the little version of Finnick Odair, his blonde hair swept off his face in the classic style of Finnick, his piercing green eyes catching mine as I hear the soft little gasp escape from his mouth. He stands frozen looking from Annie to me, I must be scaring the poor child with my state of appearance, Annie goes to pick him up where he hides his face in her neck, "Flynn, this is a very special friend of mommy's but not just mommy's, your daddy's too! Can you say hi to Katniss?" she tickles under his arm and without looking at me shakes his head.

"Awww I think you're just being shy for our new visitor, well you have to talk to her sometime, because Aunty Katniss will be staying here with us for some time" I immediately feel somewhat relieved as I look up at Annie. She sits next to me with Flynn in her lap, he must be 5 years old now, he still avoids my face by hiding, I wipe away my tears not wanting to scare the child.

"Hey Flynn, I'm Katniss, you know I knew your daddy! I know if he was here he would love you so much, you look so much like him, you know your daddy showed me how to tie knots, I learnt from him, did you know that?" He suddenly looks up at me, his little face less apprehensive.

"I know how to do that too! Except mommy showed me, did you know my daddy well?" he's so innocent, so sweet, he definitely got his daddy's charm.

"Yeah I did, you know later on I could tell you some stories about him if you like?" he smiles and nods excitedly. Annie smiles at me, he gets off of her lap and takes my hands pulling me off the lounge "Come on Aunty Katniss, I'll show you to your room" I'm taken aback by his nature, for such a little boy he's so mature.

It takes a couple of hours to get myself settled in Annie's guestroom. It's taking some time to get adjusted, my old room in District 12 smells of oak wood and you can smell the pine from the forest, the smell of primroses fills the air when you go outside our front door and the earthy tones fill my home. Here, the walls are Aegean blue and sea shell ornaments adorn the table and walls. The quilt on the bed is a sand colour and my bedroom has a little balcony overlooking the ocean and the markets below. My bathroom is already filled with the necessary toiletries as I soak myself in the bath, again many sea shells and faux coral adorn the little bathroom. I finish cleaning myself up and get changed in a cotton tee and tracksuit pants with fleecy slippers. I go into the lounge room where Annie is setting the dinner table for dinner, we eat a meal called smoked salmon in cream sauce with avocados, I've never tried this type of meat before, how do you smoke a salmon? Annie teaches me all about salmon being a fish and one that little Flynn loves, it's an acquired taste at first but I like it more with each bite. We both have a glass of white wine while little Flynn licks the plate clean. Annie serves me a desert of various fruit of watermelon, strawberries and kiwi fruit. All of my senses come alive as I eat these foods that I've never tried before, I take a second to look around and realise where I am and how grateful I am to Annie. She has welcomed me into her home and kept me under her wing shielding me from the pain outside.

My mind drifts off to Peeta; it's normally at this time that I'd have dinner with Peeta, we'd sit eating our plum stew with an assortment of breads holding each other's hand. Sometimes we'd sit outside in our backyard if the weather was nice enough, I think back to his smile, his crystal blue azure eyes, he's smooth skin and his messy hair, he would always hold me tight as I would inhale the scent of bread and sweet scent of cinnamon on him as we would enjoy the peace and quiet of our own company, we were so happy. My mind drifts back and I realise where I am, Annie is looking at me with a warm smile, this is what she used to do back in the day, how quickly times change. My mind is brought to more pleasant memories as little Flynn's small voice pipes up.

"Aunty Katniss, will you read me a story tonight please?" he ask me with such loving eyes, I look at Annie unsure, my face asking for permission.

"I think Aunty Katniss would love to Flynn, you've been such a good boy" Annie smiles while she clears the plates, I get up to help her but she places her hand on mine "Katniss, your my guest please you sit down with Flynn". What did I do right in life do deserve a friend like Annie.

"Annie, after everything you've done? I show up at your door looking like a mess, you didn't have to invite me in yet you have invited me to stay, you invited me into your home and your son's life so please, I don't care if you want me to do dishes or clean, just let me be of some use to you, to thank you" I ask her with pleading eyes, she looks down at the table and back at me smiling "well I always need an extra set of hands to put little Flynn to bed" she smiled and with that I hurried to Flynn's bedroom and was hit visually in the face with an unexpected surprise, all on the walls and table were pictures of the Finnick O'Dair, his smile, his warmth, his humour coming through in his expression and eyes, like little Prim, the world lost a beacon of hope and light when it lost Finnick, tears brim my eyes as I look around little Flynn's bedroom to see his hero is his father.

"Will you read me my story now please Aunty Katniss? Flynn jumps into his little bed as I walk over to him tucking him making sure he's warm, I'm reminded of how I used to do this with little Prim, I read him a story and he falls asleep fast, his innocent little face so sweet, his eyelids flutter and his chest rises with each deep breath, I make my way out quietly leaving his night light on as it shines little seahorses and starfishes on the walls. I walk out to the lounge room to meet Annie serving some chamomile tea, I sit down with her blowing on the steaming cup to cool it, Annie sits and stares at me smiling, there's a period of silence as we sip our tea "Peeta called before" she states so nonchalantly, I look up at her with shock and fear "he asked if I had heard anything from you, I thought best to say no, not that I want to lie to Peeta, you know how much I love him but, I thought it was best, to protect you and him" she states still smiling.

I simply nod grateful that she didn't divulge my whereabouts. I sip my tea before I excuse myself saying I feel sleepy, Annie stands to hug me in a warm embrace "tomorrow we'll go to the markets and I will show you around, we'll go to the beach and try some local food, you'll like it" she smiles, I nod and hug her again. I make my way to my new room and climb into bed, I open the veranda doors to the sound of the ocean, listening to the waves crash onto the rocks and the shore with the smell of salt in the air, it's a surreal sound as its all too new for me, but it's pleasant.

As I lay alone in the large bed in the dark, I toss and turn before turning to my bedside table to get a picture from the drawer, just one picture of Peeta I brought with me and the pearl he gave me, I roll it between my index finger and thumb as I look at Peeta in the picture. It was of him while we were on our honeymoon, he was asleep in bed and looked so calm and serene I just had to capture it, the sweet look of peace that had been robbed from us for so long, Peeta finally looked at ease and this picture captured it, not only that but the sculptured chest with feathered blonde hair and chiselled face unshaven, how heavenly he looked and I'm the only one who has seen this. A pang of hurt hits me as I think of Delly; did she get to see this? Did she wake up to see my Peeta like this? I think of Peeta and what he was doing right now in 12, what was he thinking? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? I place my pearl away safe from losing it but keep the picture close to my heart before I whisper to the empty air "goodnight Peeta"

There it is I wanted to make it Annie that she stays with as I just feel that Annie would be a calming influence on Katniss, I will be introducing someone as well in the next chapter so I'm interested to see how you like it, again do not fret! This is a Katniss and Peeta story here so there is a point of the return as it is a journey keep reviewing and reading, it's all because of you guys, my followers and reviewers are just AMAZING, the more reviews I get the faster I upload which is always a bonus!:-)

Again thanks


	9. Chapter 9

` Hello my readers! :-) WOW! I have had such lovely reviews and more followers, you guys are soooo cool Here is the latest chapter here in our story, I hope you guys like it, we're going to see the journey now which is exciting so I hope you enjoy I want to say thank you to all my followers and for those who reviewed thank you SOOOO much, I'm so happy that you are enjoying this, it means so much especially since this is my first fix

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

It's been 2 month since I settled into District 4, I take daily walks on the beach to clear my thoughts and my mind and have gotten into the routine of swimming now that I don't hunt, the sea air calms me down and soothes my mind as well as anxiety, my sleep is still restless at night, without Peeta there, the dreams hunt me down at night with no one to protect me, I wake up in chills or sweats and shivering, crying Peeta's name. Annie has been so tolerant and good to me, nights like that she comes in and holds me till I get back to sleep, but it's never the same, I swear she has seen me clutch the picture I have of Peeta, she doesn't question it, she knows. I wonder at these times how Peeta is, what is he doing? What is he thinking? Does he miss me? How does he sleep? And then I think of Delly, is he being attentive to her? Does he hold her expanding belly as that child grows? Is he happy? These doubts that I have run through my mind. Since my arrival I'm surprised at myself at how quickly and easily I have adapted to life in 4, my mother still doesn't know I'm here thank God and nobody has recognised me which I like. Life here is so different to 12, the sun shines and bounces off the crystal blue sea showcasing the beautiful fish and sea life under it, the seagulls are masters of the sky and the sound of the roaring waves crashing onto the rocks and shore fills the environment, it's like paradise, a dream before your sucked back into the harsh reality that is your life.

I remove myself from the sandy shore walking back to the complex to meet little Flynn and Annie to go to the markets. Since being here, my senses and self-have been introduced to new experiences and sights, I have tried new things I could never have imagined, my favourite so far is a fish called salmon which they smoke and calamari which Annie and myself eat for dinner most nights. I haven't gotten used to mussels but I avoid oysters as much as I can, I had them with Annie once however when she opened hers she opened it to find a pearl hiding in there, she was so happy, so excited, but I just thought of Peeta, I couldn't help but compare it to my pearl, the symbol of hope and love. We make our way through the markets, I have even gotten used to wearing maxi dresses being so hot here and walk next to Annie, Flynn holds his mother's hand and jumps excitedly up and down with his ice cream, for the first time in a long while I am smiling and feel relaxed and calm, we make our way to the stands before we stop outside the fish markets.

"Hi Annie and hello there little Flynn, what do you have there huh?" the young man behind the stall speaks to Annie and Flynn, Annie smiles recognizing the man as well as Flynn. He's young, Peeta's age except he has dark black wavy hair, he's piercing green eyes go right into your soul, his skin is olive naturally from being out in the sun all day next to the beach and he has stubble on his face. When he smiles, it's genuine as if he's already your friend.

"Hello Bannock" Annie addresses him holding little Flynn up "Look Bannock, look what mummy got me" He waves his ice cream proudly.

"Wow Flynn, you must have been such a good boy to get that" little Flynn nods, "Yep I was, I showed mummy that I can make a net just like my daddy did" he says it so casually like everyone should know how to make one while he licks his cone, I giggle at him, he's so innocent and charming like his father.

"And who's this?" He looks my way, I'm suddenly speechless and don't add much before Annie pipes up. "Oh this is my friend Katniss, she's visiting from 12" she says smiling.

"Well hello Katniss, I'm Bannock" he holds out his hand to shake mine which I politely do, he seems honest and genuine, if Annie can trust him then I think I can too.

"What brings you to 4?" he asks me, his smile never faltering. What do I say? Well my husband and love of my life cheated on me with my best friend whom may be carrying his child and I had a complete mental and emotional breakdown and decided to come to the sunny shores of 4? No I don't think that would be a great opener. I respond with the appropriate.

"Just visiting Annie" He nods before continuing putting the daily catch out, Annie and Flynn continue down the line looking at the fresh catch, I examine all the fresh, bountiful produce for today, I remember back when I was in 12 before the Games when I had to hunt for food, how in the winter the animals were scarce and the food was little and we would starve. Here, there is so much fresh produce readily available that you would never starve. I'm observing all the fresh fish when I spot him in front of me "you see something you like?" I look up and realise it's not a corny pick up line but a genuine question; it reminds me though of how Peeta used to use that line on me though when it was just him and me at the bakery alone.

"Oh um, I don't know I'm still getting used to all the names, It's still a bit new to me" I reply

"Well, if that's the case, we have the mackerel, blue fish, bass, shrimp, prawns, cod, squid, tuna, swordfish, salmon" I pick up on the salmon, the one I like "well um I like the salmon" he looks up at me smiling and wraps up a piece of salmon for me.

"Here you go one salmon" I go to fetch some change from my coin purse before he stops me with his hand.

"On the house, consider it a welcoming present to 4, besides I know who you are now as Annie is always here" I thank him and go to walk back to Annie, as I pass I spot a whole display of oysters and automatically think of Peeta.

"Would you like one? You never know, you might find a surprise in one. You see, with oysters some carry pearls, and not many people know this but no pearl is ever the same, I mean yeah they might be similar but there will always be that one little part of it that makes it different, different from the rest, a unique one".

I immediately think of Peeta and when he first gave me my pearl on the beach, how unique it was, my mind flashes back to Peeta and his perfect smile and crystal blue eyes and how they match the ocean. I draw myself out of my day dreaming.

"No thank you, it was nice meeting you Bannock" I smile at him, it actually feels like a genuine smile not forced, Bannock has been nice to me and I shake his hand to say goodbye "I'm sure I'll see you around".

"Yes I hope so" he waves goodbye to me, I start to walk back to Annie and Flynn who have now gone on to another stall, Annie is looking at scarves and buying herself and me one, I decide to look back at Bannock one more time, he reminds me so much of Peeta, a merchant, a friend, a genuinely nice person, as I turn to see him I catch him smiling looking at me as well.

I know what you're thinking guys but do not worry or fret! This is part of the story, this is part of the healing between Katniss and Peeta as this story is purely a Katniss and Peeta story. I've been asked to do another Peeta POV which I will definitely be doing and I will also be doing a Haymitch POV as he definitely has a role here in these two lives. I do apologize if there are any typos or grammatical errors, I haven't found a beta yet but I do my best in prood r4eading, there's always one word that escapes! Here is when it's going to get juicy and I want to build that anticipation up as Katniss is in pain here, she has always had major trust issues and after so much hurt, the love of her life Peeta has broken her and that's how Katniss feels, a broken doll. In 4 she's trying to find her inner peace and calm while I want Peeta to do some soul searching as well, as I want him to realise that he knows what he did is wrong and he is going to have to fight for Katniss. Please review, it honestly makes my day and puts a smile on my face Again thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys! I wanted to update quickly as the reviews I got and more followers, I cannot express how much its means to me and how good it has made me feel, I wanted to dedicate this to my loyal reviewers and followers who have favourite this story, this is my first fic and you guys have ALL been so AMAZING so thank you, each and every one of you. This is a new chapter and the song to set the mood is "Whataya You Want From Me" by Pink, I've had a couple of people ask for lyrics so I am including lyrics in this one. I hope you like it and enjoy. Again you guys are the best

Again, all rights reserved to Suzanne Collins who started this series.

_**"Whataya Want From Me"**_

_Hey, slow it down  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me  
Yeah, I'm afraid  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me_

There might have been a time  
When I would give myself away  
(Ooh) Once upon a time  
I didn't give a damn  
But now here we are  
So whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey, whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me  
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see  
That baby you're beautiful  
And there's nothing wrong with you  
It's me, I'm a freak  
But thanks for lovin' me  
Cause you're doing it perfectly

Another month later and I'm still here in 4, I'm surprised my mother hasn't found out that I'm here which is a blessing. I decide to give Haymitch a call. When I first arrived in 4 I gave him a courtesy call to let him know I was safe, only him and Rory know my true whereabouts, I made Haymitch swear to me that if he truly cared for either myself or Peeta he would keep it secret where I was and not divulge it, he wasn't happy about it, he called me a coward for running but I didn't care, he seemed to understand later. I give him my fortnightly calls to let him know I'm ok, I haven't done anything stupid and how Annie and Flynn are to, curiosity always gets the better of me when I ask how Peeta is going.

"So um how's Peeta?" Who am I to lie? I'm dying to know, I need to know what he's doing, how he is, deep down I miss him so much, I've already forgotten how he used to smell, I know he used to smell of fresh bread and different herbs, I swear Annie must have thought I was so strange the other day when she spotted me inhaling the fresh bread we bought at the bakery but I think she knew why I was doing it.

"Well I can say one thing darling, you leaving has been a plus on one side, it's given me a drinking partner" he adds dryly, its 8:00pm at night and the cool sea air comes into my bedroom through my balcony doors.

"What do you mean Haymitch" I ask concerned.

"Well now your husband can add another hobby to his list of achievements; baking, painting, drinking" he adds.

"Why are you letting him drink Haymitch you know Peeta could never handle his alcohol" I start to get angry at this news, I thought Haymitch would look after Peeta not get him sozzled and turn him into a miniature version of himself.

"What do you think he's gonna do sweetheart, he's in pain here, the day you left I went to his house to see it wrecked and him holding a picture of you in one hand and a bottle in his other. He goes to work bleary eyed and comes home to an empty house with the only company he has is a bottle of alcohol and a cat and when he runs out there he comes over to my house and swipes some of mine so what would you rather sweetheart?, at least I can watch him when he gets drunk with me" he finishes talking and I can't help but agree that Haymitch is right, at least Haymitch can watch him and makes sure he doesn't pass out in the cold street of Victors Village.

"What else can you tell me" I ask

"He asks about you every day, he knows I talk to you the kids not dumb, the amount of times where he has gotten pissed drunk and comes over here to swear abuse at me is countless, I must say I'm impressed he's really starting to resemble me, so much so even the townspeople are starting to call him Haymitch 2.0. When he's not abusing me, he's crying about how he misses you, how he loves you, it's harder as he's trying to be supportive of Delly as she's 6 months now and fully showing, Rory hardly acknowledges Peeta and doesn't even want him near Delly but you know old Peeta, ever the gentleman. He looks like shit, he still goes to your house to look at old pictures of you two, apparently he still has a spare key to the house, sometimes I find him just sitting alone in your old bedroom staring at the ground" he talks as if this is all just casually.

"Jesus Christ Haymitch you promised me you would take care of him!" I'm screaming down the line, not so much though that Annie and Flynn can hear.

"Listen sweetheart, it hasn't just been hard on you ok, it's been hard on us all, I have Peeta here in pain and drinking himself into the ground on a daily basis and passing out, I have you leaving us coz of the pain you're in too, I've had a couple of times where I've had to still separate Rory and Peeta from fighting as Rory still provokes Peeta with how you left him so cut me some freaking slack girlie I'm doing my best here!" he yells down the phone, I have no answer and remain silent, it's true, I haven't thought of him.

"I'm sorry Haymitch just, please look after him ok?" I start to feel the tears brimming my eyes as I sit on the cold tile bathroom floor, I've taken the phone in here so no one can hear.

"I've promised you the day you left and I've kept it still," he sighs into the phone "so you know when you're gonna return?" I shut my eyes for a second, not even knowing myself.

"I um haven't figured that out yet" I tell him, I'm about to ask more questions when Haymitch cuts in.

"I better go dearie, it's raining here in 12 and I can see your boy Peeta making his way to my front door"

"Ok talk soon" I quickly hang up, heart beating fast as I realise how close Peeta was there, did he see Haymitch on the phone? Is he gonna ask questions?

I go outside, frazzled at my near close encounter with Peeta even through a phone line; I make my way to the lounge room before I see a surprise visitor.

"Bannock" I smile at him. Bannock has been a visitor of late recently, he drops by sometimes to deliver the fresh catch that he thinks me and Annie might like, they must be doing delivery now as Annie has commented they haven't done that in the past. It feels good to make a new friend as well, Bannock sometimes catches me on the beach when I have my walks and walks up and down the beach with me. Being a new friend sometimes it's easier to talk to him, he doesn't know Peeta and me that personally, it feels good to get things off my chest and out in the open, he actually makes me laugh, which is something I haven't done in a long time. Tonight he wears a pair of cut off denim shorts and a white dress shirt with sandals matching the hot weather outside and his hair is combed back. He looks fresher and cleaner from his normal everyday work clothes, he reminds me though a bit of Peeta, the gentleman, the merchant, the sweet nature which further makes me miss Peeta even more. He holds out a chair for me as we all sit for dinner, Flynn already in his pyjamas, we eat a scrumptious meal of shrimp and prawns and mango salad that Bannock has made us, he talks to us about his daily trade and I can't help but get lost in the green irises of his eyes, they hypnotize me as he speaks. It dawns on me that he's asked me a question and I am taking out of my admiring.

"I'm sorry what?" He stares at me and smiles

"I said I had a present for you and would you like it now or after dinner?" He asks me again and I'm taken aback and surprised pleasantly.

"Now please" I smile. He removes a tiny package from his pocket with paper wrapped around it.

"I'm sorry about the wrapping, It's been in my pocket all day to keep it safe" He smiles, I unravel the packaging to reveal a necklace, but not just any necklace, a pearl necklace, so small, so perfect how it dangled there. My mind immediately goes to Peeta, the Pearl he gave me, how it's tucked away safely in my belongings, how I hold it close to my heart every night when I go to sleep. It's a black pearl, so now I have both; a white pearl and a black pearl in my possession. I stare at it and wonder what this one will represent, friendship? Or will it be a constant reminder of District 4 and WHY I was driven here, because my love, my life destroyed my heart.

"Do you not like?" He questions, apprehension crossing his face. I look back at him and give him a reassuring smile. "It's beautiful thank you". He sighs in relief before getting up behind my seat.

"I was going through the oysters the other day, and I saw this one lone oyster and I prized it open, and just waiting there in the middle was the most perfect thing I had ever seen, a pearl, just this perfect, unique little pearl just sitting there amongst the ordinary and the first thing I thought was how it was so much like you; so unique but just sitting there amongst the ordinary, I thought I just had to give it to you" He smiles, I feel the tears brimming in my eyes as he places the necklace upon my neck and clasps it, it sits on a gold chain so delicate. My mind is scrambled here as I try to remain calm for Bannock, but his gift is a reminder of Peeta and the hope and love we shared that is now lost. I smile back up at him.

Bannock is important to me, since my arrival along with Annie he has helped me in my recovering, he has been an impartial party amongst this mess, he's the only other person I know that has managed to calm the anxiety in me, a power only Peeta had. I find myself feeling lost in conversation and at ease with him, something I haven't felt for a long time. Is that normal? Bannock has been with me every day from either swimming and getting stronger, but also just listening to me and my fears while we walk on the beach, I feel like sometimes my fears are unjustified and silly but he never makes me feel like that. Subconsciously I start to turn the peal between my fingers, a habit I do with the one Peeta gave me. He sits next to me and smiles back at me.

"Well even though it is a beautiful necklace, I'm afraid when you wear it; it gets lost on you as I find I'm not staring at it but you?" He smiles easily and I feel my heart flutter like a butterfly in my chest, not a bad flutter but an excited one, I'm nervous and don't know what this means for me. I stare at him longer trying to get a response on my tongue when little Flynn pipes up.

"Did you get me a present too?" He smiles cheekily, gosh if this is what Flynn is like now trying to charm and have his way with people, I fear what he is going to be like at 14 when he is at school, mothers will be locking their daughters up if he is anything like his father which is his. I laugh out loud as Annie turns around from the kitchen.

"Well young master Flynn yes I did" as Bannock rises he lifts little Flynn in the air as he giggles with Bannock tickling him.

"I got you this toy trident, and an eye patch so you can sail the seven seas and I was wondering if you would like to go sailing with me? I know I won't be as good as your daddy was but I heard from a little birdy" he winks at me "that you happen to have inherited your father's skill on the boat is that true? Maybe you can teach me a couple of things?" Flynn giggles and nods proudly sticking his little chest out.

"But Bannock, if I'm a pirate where's my parrot?" He asks looking up with sad little puppy eyes at Bannock, Bannock smiles and laughs. It's times like this that my mind goes back to Peeta and how he used to interact with the children too. I used to watch as he playfully would carry them around and give them cookies for free, the smile on his face as he would carry them through his bakery and the twinge in my heart as I knew he was born to be a father, I had deprived him of that. The giggles from the bakery as the kids would enter all lining up and circling around Peeta, Bannock interacting with little Flynn had brought me back to reality. I stand up and pick up Flynn, he kisses Annie and Bannock and waves goodbye, I go to tuck him in his bed and read him his nightly story before I see the flutter of his eyes and his chest rise knowing he is asleep and in a world far away now, a dream world full of imagination, carefree and wonder. How I wished my life was that simple. I rise off his bed and close his bedroom door, I walk into my bedroom opening my bedside table and hold in my hand Peeta's pearl. I grasp it in my hand close to my chest and feel the new one dangling around my neck from Bannock, one from my past and now my present, now I ask which one could be my future? The one with Peeta or Bannock?

There it is guys, I really hope you liked it. What I'm trying to convey is this internal struggle that Katniss is having here. She has always had major trust issues and feels hurt from the betrayal of what Peeta did and Delly, she's trying to ignore the pain but it's hard when you still love the one who caused you so much pain and heartbreak, she's torn and here's this fresh faced character Bannock who creates something she once had; hope. Hope for a new future, a happier life, she's happy in District 4 and this is where she begins to questions herself, this is an internal struggle here where she will question do I want to go back? What will I be going back to? I have been asked to do a Peeta POV and that is something you will see in the next chapter as well as by someone else, so you can get an idea of what everyone is feeling and thinking and how this impacts everyone involved, it's a messy situation. I know some people were worried about this relationship but do not fret, this is strictly a Kat and Peeta story. Again please review, it makes me update quicker and again thank you so much for taking the time to read and review


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys! First of all let me say thank you to all my reviewers and followers, even my guest reviewers, you guys are always important to me and let me just say it makes my day and me sooo happy! I hope you are still enjoying this story, I'm intending on updating as frequently as I can and as much as you guys like it. This chapter is a little bit different in the POV of Haymitch, I hope you like it, the song that inspired me was a bit of an oldie, by the Sugababes "Run for Cover". Again thanks to all my reviewers, followers and people who take the time to read my work

Rated M for language, all rights belong to Suzanne Collins

_"Run For Cover"_

_When you, get me down_

_Then I, get turned around_

_I tend to, cut myself off_

_From things, I shouldn't run from_

_It doesn't really matter_

_Sometimes we run for cover_

_I'm always on the outside_

_Stabbed me in the back_

_Wanting things that i lack_

_Sticking to your ploy_

_Is this something you enjoy?_

_Publicity and insecurity _

_Just wanna be me_

_It's my need to be free_

_[Chorus]_

_It doesn't really matter_

_Sometimes we run for cover_

_I'm always on the outside_

_You never seem to wonder_

_How much you make me suffer_

_I speak it from the inside_

_Looking right at me (at me)_

_Won't receive my plea (my plea)_

_Tell me what you mean (you mean)_

_I'm not what's on the screen_

_Thinking what will be (will be)_

_Fighting the fatigue (fatigue)_

_That's quite enough for me_

_Makes me wanna scream_

_Keep it to myself_

[Chorus]

It doesn't really matter

Sometimes we run for cover

I'm always on the outside (keep it to myself)

You never seem to wonder

How much you make me suffer

I speak it from the inside

(Keep it to myself)

[Chorus]

It doesn't really matter

Sometimes we run for cover

I'm always on the outside (keep it to myself)

You never seem to wonder

How much you make me suffer

I speak it from the inside

Haymitch POV:

I drop the line to Katniss, I have to say I actually do miss that girl, stubborn as a mule and a lot like me, she can be a pain in my ass but at least she was here with Peeta. The boy comes stumbling through my front door shaking the rain off him, though I seemed relaxed on the phone to Kat it does concern me that at his age the level he can drink, Peeta has always been known as the Victor, the sensible one, the kind one, but when the townspeople start knowing him as the new drunk it gets me worried. I stoke the fire in the fireplace while the boy takes his shoes off, his face is unshaven and if he keeps it up he will be growing a beard, his eyes are bloodshot and he's already staggering, that boy always said to me that Katniss had no idea the effect she could have and for once I agree. I look at the man he has become, Peeta's lost a lot and it seemed his only reason for living was that girl, I didn't want to sound like an asshole but I hoped for his sake that baby wasn't his so Kat would come home.

He reaches a bottle of white liquor from the cupboard and reaches a glass before sitting down.

"How is she?" he asks, damn this boy was smart.

"You mean Effie? Doing great though we didn't talk for that long" I thought best to change the subject.

"You're so full of shit Haymitch, I know you were talking to her, such a shitty liar" he says sculling his glass. I got hand it to him, Peeta was always known for his brains.

"Not so shitty that I managed to get you two through the games and Rebellion huh?" I begin to pour my own glass. I sit across him, the flames from the fireplace casting dark shadows over his face revealing the dark shadows under his eyes. He's silent for a moment before quietly asking.

"How is she?" he doesn't even bother to look at me just staring in his empty glass. I sigh, there's no point lying to him.

"She's fine as anyone in this position can be, we didn't talk long"

"Did she ask about me, did she say where she is?" He asks looking up from the glass to me.

"No" I tell him to spare some feelings, trying to protect him. I don't know what the girl's gonna do, I don't want to give him false hope in case that kid Delly's carrying is his.

"You're such a goddam liar! You know where she is!" He throws his glass at the wall, it's not going to do much damage, my house already looks like a shithole. As much as I love the kid my temper and patience breaks.

"And even if I did do you think I would tell you? What would you do if I did tell you? Huh? Run to her, look at yourself you're in worst shape than me, you look like shit, you smell like a bar, I could get drunk just off the fumes, hell I'm scared to have you around my fireplace in case you go up in smoke! Most days you can't even get a sentence together let alone walk out of your house to get to work, you really think that's the man she fell in love with huh? You really think she would want to come back to this?" It's at this point that I realise that I'm shouting at him, I'm surprised that the rest of District 12 can't hear me.

"You're one to talk, look at yourself!" He gets up out of his seat and is in my face, I gotta say the balls on this boy are staggering.

"You're just known as the drunk, the drunk of District 12, you have no-one, no family, no wife, no children, what do you have huh? I see you" he doesn't bother with a glass anymore but now just takes swigs from the bottle "you're just jealous, that's it I know you are, I have the life you have always wanted, the happy home, the loving wife, people look up to me, unlike you I'm no joke!" For the sake of our future friendship after everything we have been through, the Games, his hijackings, the Rebellion, I decide to take matters into my own hands and literally slam some sense into him. I throw him up against the wall, the picture frames on the wall smashing to the ground as his back hits the wall with a loud thud.

"Now listen to me, you snot nosed little shit, I may be a drunk but I was throwing knives when you were still in diapers and though I am drunk I still am pretty fucking lethal" I mutter through gritted teeth, the nerve of this boy after everything I have done for him, I know he's drunk and this is not normally him however this is the last straw.

"I'm not the one who cheated on my wife by sleeping with her best friend and lied to her face for weeks, I'm not the one who has potentially gotten said friend pregnant because he was too stupid to put a wrapper on his dick, I'm not the one who drove his wife away to another district because of his mistake and now is becoming a joke for the local district because he can't even walk to work sober, he has to be sent home by his employees who once respected him so yeah I may be a drunk, I may have no wife, no children but at the end of the day, I'm not the one who fucked up your life, you have some balls, TAKE. SOME FUCKING. RESPONSIBILITY!" I let him go before he falls to the floor.

He slumps to the floor, his bottle smashed next to him. I turn my back on him too angry too speak. Though there is a silence in the room, there is so much being said, it's a while before he speaks up.

"I'm sorry Haymitch" he whispers "I just miss her so goddam much you know?" he sniffles, I can see the tears cascading down his cheeks, "Even the little things, like her snores when she was asleep, she swore that she never snored but I used to watch her sleep and think it was the cutest thing ever" He smiles "I miss her smile, her laugh, I miss the sound of her hunting boots hitting the floor when she came back from hunting all day" he finishes speaking

"You think I don't hate myself for what I did to her? You think I can't remember the day she left the look on her face? I know I'm the one at fault here, I pray every night that that child is not mine! Is that wrong! My biggest fear in life was that I would lose Katniss, when I came back after the Rebellion I though the depression at first would take her away from me or maybe if someone came back from the Capital to get back at her, I feared every day that someone would take her away from me and that I would lose her and look, 5 years later and the person who lost her was the person who loved her the most. I know what I did, .HER! So don't stand there and tell me to take some fucking responsibility because I know what I did! I lost the only thing that mattered to me, the only thing that kept me sane and kept me alive, so whatever hate you have for me or whatever hate District 12 has for me, multiply that by a thousand and that is the hate I have for myself." He yells back at me, not bothering to get up from the floor.

I grunt and take a scull of my liquor and light up a cigarette; I inhale and feel the warmth spread through my lungs and the relaxing relief as I exhale.

"I may be old and I might be drunk but heed some word of advice kid, the way you're going, if you continue this there will be no coming back you will be so far gone. Even if that baby is not yours and she comes back, the sight of you will only wanna make her get on the nearest train back to wherever she is." I bite my tongue nearly slipping as to where she is.

"Well with your words of encouragement and wisdom what do you suggest Haymitch huh?" he states snidely.

I calmly inhale my cigarette and lick my lips "I suggest you get your balls back and start fighting for her, get your act together, start your painting, start going back to work and your fucking baking because it's been some while since you baked and I'm running out of food here and start getting sober" I squat in front of him, I look at my bottle and the remaining alcohol that is left in it, they say that most men become illogical when they're drunk however I feel the more I drink the more logical I become. I start to grow weary of this conversation and feel that this saga has aged me another 10 years.

"Now listen boy, go home, sleep and take a shower please. I know this is hard but you have to accept for the time BEING, she is gone and only time will tell if that girl will come back" I state.

He looks up with pleading eyes "will she come back?" His eyes red with the alcohol and tears, I don't have the heart to tell him.

"I don't know kid, that question is for her not me" I look at the ground and get up, I take a swig out of my bottle. The kid gets off the ground and walks out of my house into the cold, rain outside, I hear him vomit into my garden before I watch him stagger back to his house. I think back on 5 years and how times change. 5 years ago it was Katniss who was falling apart with Peeta holding her together, reassuring her, keeping the nightmares at bay, now fast forward 5 years later and it's me trying to keep this two crazy lunatics together for God knows why, separated they are a walking mess but together they keep not only themselves sane but those around too.

I sit down and take another swig from the bottle, the warm liquor filling me and giving me a false sense of security right now, a comforting lie before I'm thinking back to Katniss. That girl, pain in my ass, ungrateful, stubborn as a mule, unapologetic but right now, the only thing that could bring peace into this crazy world right now. Katniss didn't realize it, but she truly did live up to her name, the Girl on Fire, and how everything that seemed to touch her got burnt.

There it is! Another chapter, I wanted to dedicate a chapter to Haymitch because I wanted people to see how Peeta and Katniss's relationship and situation are affecting those around. Some people may be wondering the song choice and what I was trying to convey is that Haymitch may like to pretend that he doesn't care but deep down he cares for those two and how this is affecting him, he is tired, he feels weak and cannot believe how these two are acting, he's got all this pressure on him and he is struggling, he will always be their mentor and will always be looking out for them. I do apologise for any typos or grammatical errors, I still don't have a beta yet but I do try very hard with proof reading The next chapter will be a Peeta POV so please review, I will update sooner and again I hope you liked it


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys! Thank you sooo much for the reviews and people who have put me under their favourite and followed, it means a lot! Especially during Christmas time things get soo chaotic and this is my outlet so the fact that you take the time to read my story is great, I'm humbled I'm switching it up, where going to see a transition in Peeta which is good. The song that I set this chapter to is Pink's "Try". I hope you enjoy

_Where there is desire  
There is gonna be a flame  
Where there is a flame  
Someone's bound to get burned  
But just because it burns  
Doesn't mean you're gonna die  
You've gotta get up and try, try, try  
Gotta get up and try, try, try  
You gotta get up and try, try, try_

Peeta POV

I wake up on the porch, my head pounding and the sun blinding me, my eyes ache and my stomach turns. I quickly remove my jumper from the previous cold night before, sweat takes over me as I feel myself burning up as well as the nausea, I take a deep breath in wondering who or what to blame my illness on before I realise that it was self-induced and again I am the one responsible for another problem, it seems of late the only good I can do is to cause myself and others misery. I get up and grip onto the porch seat, trying to gain some balance, I shut my eyes as the dizziness takes over and before long I am emptying the contents of last night in my rose bush. The acid burns my throat and my stomach feels bare and empty, much like my life right now. I quickly scramble inside my home and shut myself in the darkness. I go to the sink for a glass of water and take two tablets to ease the headache, my clothes reek of alcohol and last night's rain, I set the glass in the sink and go upstairs to my bedroom, undressing for a shower, I take a look at my kept bed which has not been slept in since for nearly weeks and look at the lazy cat sleeping upon my bed. How easy life is for Buttercup, sleep all day, eat and then go back to sleep. No worries, no cares, has my life become that bad that I envy a cat's life? After Katniss left I stayed at her house in some vain attempt that perhaps she would comeback, Kat always hated the cat however it was the only link to Prim, now it's the only link to Kat that I have left, that and our photo album, distant memories of a better life, a happier life that emerged from the ashes of a Rebellion and months of rehabilitation from the hijackings, of scars and bloodshed. We finally found our peace only to be again disturbed by not a threat from the Capital or any military, but a threat from the result of a stupid mistake, MY mistake.

I take my hot shower feeling the clean hot water wash away the dirt and smell of last night's vain and pathetic attempt to forget, it numbs the pain temporarily but only to come back more the next day, a vicious cycle that I can never get myself out of. I wonder how Haymitch has been able to do this for soo long. I stand in the shower wishing that as the water washed away my dirt down the drain it could wash away my problems, thus leaving me clean with a cleaner conscious. I finish my shower and step out, I wipe the steam off the mirror and take a hard look at myself, my beard has grown more, my eyes are tired and red with both tears and alcohol, my hair is messy and the brightness that was once present in my face is gone like a light that has been switched off. I look at my beard, there was a time where I took pride in my appearance, not to be in vain but at least presentable but now with her gone what's the point? It doesn't matter anymore. Its 2:13 pm, normally before any of this happened I'd be enjoying my day at work and baking my pastries, showing my new apprentices how to ice the cakes but now what's the point? All I can think is her, I get dressed and in my own time make my way to the bakery, the day's already over but I could catch up on some paperwork.

I make my way through town, I feel the stares of some of the towns people but to be honest I don't care, I don't need their justification, I don't need to prove myself to them, I just need to prove myself to Kat, I just need to prove to her that I love her, I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve her. God I miss her, I sometimes feel like I'm in one of my hijacked episodes wishing that this wasn't real, in those times I in my drunken stupor go to Haymitch and ask him if it's real, did she really leave? Haymitch then confirms my worst fears by telling me that it's true.

I walk into the bakery, the bell on the top of the door ringing and splitting my head in my hangover. I look up at my staff as they stop doing their tasks to look at me before quickly lowering their heads, they mutter to me "Hey boss" and quickly get on top of their tasks. That's another thing I feel bad about. I have left a lot of the workload on top of these guys in my misery and drunkenness; I walk quietly outside into my office passing the baking station and feel the eyes on me. I walk into my office to find Trinity, one of my hardworking employees going through paperwork. Trinity lost her husband in the District 12 bombings, a mother of 3 children and in her late 20's she was one of the first to return to 12, with no experience in baking, her eagerness and hard work ethic made up for it, I couldn't say no to a single mother with kids and besides, she was a good worker and at times along with Haymitch the only one I felt who did hate or judge me.

"Oh hello boss, sorry I wasn't snooping I just didn't know if you were coming in today, there was a build-up of paperwork and I thought I would get on top of it for you" she kindly smiles at me, a smile I return. I sit in my office chair after I close the curtains, again keeping the light out and the dark in, I feel Trinity can already sense my reason, another night of self-pitying and drinking.

"Is there anything else you need boss?" she asks, I look up at her, her seam grey eyes boring into me, I quickly look down before I feel the twinge of pain in my heart, it seemed everything was a reminder of Katniss, the woods outside, grey seam eyes, I suppose this was my torment, a reminder every day of the thing I loved most I lost. I look up at shake my head indicating no. She goes to leave, her dark brown hair that is cropped in a bob smooth and flat, neat for work.

"Trinity" I ask before she leaves my office

"Yes boss" She asks turning around

"Can I ask you a question" I ask her

"Of course you can boss" she asks me quizzically

I smile at her "How can you be so nice to me?" I ask, I truly wondered

"Boss, do you remember when we came back to 12; there were no businesses, no work, no nothing? I was scared boss, 3 kids and no husband and I didn't know how to feed them. No baking experience, no education and the only one who gave me a shot around here was you, I know the first few months were trying and I made a lot of mistakes but you were so patient, so kind. How can I hate the man who gave me a job to support my family?" She replies, there's no hate, no anger, only kindness.

"Thank you" I say feeling the tears brim in my eyes, she turns to leave my office.

"Trinity one more thing" She turns to look at me.

"Don't call me boss, call me Peeta" she smiles at me and then leaves. I find some hope in those little minutes.

I finish at 6 and close the door with one of my colleagues. I make my way to Delly's, though I pray to God every night that child is not mine, I do the honourable thing and try to be as supportive as I can, as difficult as it can be with Rory. I make my way to the door and knock, I hear the heavy footsteps behind the door and know who it is already. Rory answers, he opens the door wearing combat boots and his cargo pants and black zip up jumper, he is a reminder of two things I hate, himself and his brother Gale, he looks me up and down, deadpan expression on his face before slamming the door in my face. I wince at the sound, heavy on my ears and hangover. It's a routine he likes to do to show how my presence is felt. I knock again and this time Delly answers, she weakly smiles, I think she is not only tired from the baby but the stress of it all, like me I think she wishes that this baby is not mine but Rory's, so we can move on with our lives and loves. She lets me enter and motions me to sit, I sit in her lounge room in front of the warm fire place, her belly is larger and she now waddles instead of walks. She sits in front of me and we idly chat about the baby, how she is feeling, if there is anything I could do to help, Rory watches me from across the room, staring and unblinking, I see the fire in him that his brother had, I feel my body start to tense and my jaw clench. Delly tries to ease the tension.

"Those mustard scrolls you make would be nice, I've had a craving for them" she replies meekly. "The baby kicked today would you like to feel?" I know Delly is trying her hardest to ease any tension, but I can't touch it. When I imagined rubbing a pregnant belly it was always Katniss's I imagined rubbing, her pregnant with my little boy or girl. I shake my head.

"Best not too, I mean no disrespect but that baby could be Rory's and I don't know how he would feel about another man rubbing his fiancées pregnant stomach" I smile as she nods understanding.

"Oh, so you need permission to rub some other man's pregnant fiancés baby but you don't need it when it comes to fucking said fiancé!" Rory shouts from across the room, barking like a dog frothing at the mouth. Again another routine of Rory's, how long can his temper wait before he's spewing his rage at me, it reminds me of the same temper that Katniss had, quick and fiery but with passion, that's what I loved about her.

"Rory please! This isn't good for the baby I can't be stressed like this!"Delly screams sitting back on the lounge pleading with Rory, He shakes his head and gets up from the lounge

"Fine, if you want me I'm in my study, I think I might write a letter to Katniss, see how she's going!" he turns to make his way to the study before we hear the slamming of the office door. Again, another routine of Rory's, he likes to remind me of how he knows where Katniss is and her whereabouts but I don't, the torment of how the information is so close yet so far, he knows that I know he'll never tell, and that's what kills me. I look up at Delly whose looking at me. The silence is awkward, there's nothing much to say.

"Have you heard from her?" She asks meekly, looking up at me

I shake my head

"Rory doesn't tell me anything either if that's any consolidation, I know he's stressed to, I sometimes catch him watching me and I know what he's thinking, that this baby could be yours. I sometimes try and talk about Katniss, so I can get some information out of him to let you know but he's smart, my Rory always was, he won't say anything, he's protecting her. I sometimes walk past his office and I can hear them talking on the phone. I know he won't tell me anything. It just makes it harder for me" she starts to tear up and cry.

"It's just I know it's so unfair, he's still staying with me and yet you lost Kat, you think I don't see Peeta? You think I don't hate myself every day? I see how lost you've become and how you are, I hear what the people say in town when I do go out and even when I do they talk about me as well" the tears cascade down her face as I just sit in silence looking at the floor, the tears falling down onto her jumper that covers her expanding belly.

"They say how you've become so lost, how you punish yourself with drink, how you deserve it and then they look at me and I feel like telling them don't blame him blame me, I was the one who made the mistake, I was the one who made her leave because she couldn't watch what's inside of me grow. I caused the mockingjay to fly away! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR THAT I STILL HAVE HIM AND YOU HAVE NO ONE" she bursts out into tears, sobbing, all I can do is pat her hands and hold them, I don't think it would be a wise idea to hold her in case Rory catches us and misinterprets it, the last thing I need is another confrontation with Rory.

I calm her down and give her a glass of water. I bid my goodbye and start to make my home. I enter my house with Buttercup greeting me. I look at my home and stare at the darkness before my distant memories take me back.

_1 year ago _

_I enter my home, the rich aroma of stew entering my nose and filling my lungs. My senses tell me that Katniss caught venison today. I enter the kitchen where I see Katniss trying to bake for my birthday, there's flour all over her face and the icing is a goop, I can't help but smile, though it's pouring outside it's bright in here, and it's not because of all the lights she has on, it's because she makes the place brighter. _

"_Awww sweetie you didn't have to bake me a cake!" I cup her face and kiss each eye, cheek and then mouth. _

_She looks at me with exasperated eyes, flour all over dress. _

"_Peeta this was supposed to be a surprise and look at it! It's just one big mess! I can cook the meat and everything but I can't even bake a cake like you" she looks like she's on the verge of tears which I kiss away. _

"_I will have you know that I have been looking forward to this all day and yes while the icing is a bit sketchy I know I'm gonna enjoy every bite?" before I give her a chaste kiss. Dinner is beautiful, scrumptious potatoes, rich gravy and tender meat, minted peas and sweet potato that's crunchy on the outside. I savour every bite. When it comes to dessert I see the look of apprehension on Katniss face, I can tell she's put a lot of effort and work into it. I take a bite of my chocolate cake, the icing is gluggy, there are still chunks in the cake, I can say with guarantee that baking is definitely not Katniss's strong suit but I savour every bite knowing it was made with love and care. I finish my plate and it was worth it, to see the look on her face of pride and accomplishment on her face is the best present of them all. _

"_Now I'm going to ask you a question and you have to answer it" She asks, I do my best imitation of looking serious._

"_That cake was ok, Real or Not Real?" she asks timidly _

"_No it wasn't ok" her face look crestfallen "It was more than ok, it was the best cake in the whole world, it even surpassed my own cakes at the bakery" I say smiling watching the smile grow on her face, I know Kat has gotten me a present but honestly I don't want it, seeing the smile on her face is the best present in the world_

"_You're just saying that" she says looking bash full, tucking a stray hair behind her ear looking at the ground. _

_I take her chin with my finger to look up at me "I'll have you know Mrs Mellark that I'm being true, honestly if you keep baking like that you might run me out of business!" and she laughs, the sound is so beautiful, I don't need present's this year from her, she is a gift herself. _

"_I think that was the best present of all" She looks at me quizzically before getting up to get my present, it's a box containing new paints and paper, charcoal pencils and erasers, paintbrushes and crayons. I look amazed before thanking her._

"_You also have another present but I can't give it to you here" A frown comes on my face as I wait for the unexpected. I'm unsure what she means _

"_You see if I was to give it to you here it would be very unsanitary for our dinner table especially when we and our guests eat here so the only place I can give it to you is in our bedroom" she smiles and my face lights up. I don't know what she sees in me, a scarred man, a broken man twisted and tormented from the Capital, she shouldn't love me, I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not deserve her but God only knows she loves me_

I withdraw myself from my day dreaming, the memories of another time, a happier time, a time filled with joy and brightness and most importantly love. Now I live in a time of uncertainty, darkness and shame as I stare at the empty house knowing my isolation has been brought upon by my own mistake and regret. I look at my reflection, I'm a shell of a man, the opposite of what I was a year ago, I take a long hard look at myself and take Haymitch's advice.

Too change my life.

There's another chapter guys! I hope you liked it and enjoyed it, I'm going to convey Peeta fighting back now and fighting for Katniss. Please review, it always makes my day brighter and happier Peeta is conflicted, hurting, has shame and regret however he is now going to come back harder and stronger and fight for the future. I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors. Again I hope you enjoyed and I will try to update sooner


	13. Chapter 13

Hi guys! Well this is it! The chapter we have all been waiting for! I REALLY hope you guys like it as this chapter was difficult to write as I really wanted it to live up to your expectations so please be kind!:-) I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all my followers and the people who took the time to review; you guys are AMAZING, BRILLIANT, SPECTATCULAR, are there any other great words to describe you? Lol, I want to shout out to my reviewers and followers such as stephcouture, kaitlyn, King Kubar and forever everlark to name a few as well as every other person who has reviewed, you guys make my day brighter ! Again I hope you like this chapter, I'm actually nervous! Enjoy

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Katniss POV

My eyes awake to the sun shining through my blinds, I'm tempted back into my sleep with the calming sounds of waves crashing onto the shore in the distance before I'm awoken by a little voice two doors away from my bedroom.

"Katniss…..KAATTTNISS!" I smile at the voice of little Flynn bringing me out of my sleep, every day I help Flynn get ready for school as Annie gets dressed for work working at a small bookstore. I hear the tiny pitter patter of little feet running to my bedroom door opening it as I pretend to sleep in my bed under the covers. Flynn jumps onto my bed peering into my face; I can feel his small little breaths tickling my face.

"Wake up Aunty Katniss" he pokes my chest and it's not long before I'm losing control and smiling, jumping to grab him under my covers before I tickle him, the sound of his laughs bouncing off the walls of my bedroom and drowning out the sounds of the ocean, there was a time where the concept of me and children felt like foreign ground, ground that would crack underneath me and swallow me whole. Now since being in 4, my relationship with Flynn has grown every day, he makes me smile with his silly little antics, his laugh, I actually look forward to at a night when I tuck him into bed and give him his nightly story, how he hugs me when he comes home from school. The feeling of that warmth from a child is not scary anymore, instead of fear invoking inside of my heart, grasping it like an iron fist, its warmth, love and affection, a new feeling I enjoy. I get up out of bed stretching my body like a cat on a lazy day feeling the muscles awake for a new day, I walk into the kitchen to the smell of pancakes with blueberry syrup filling the air and my nostrils, it's a great way to wake up in the morning, though Annie's pancakes are amazing I can't helpj but compare to Peeta's, he would make me an assortment of berry, choc chip and serve with bananas on the side with whipped cream and maple syrup. Flynn brings me out of my reminiscing as I laugh at how he has maple syrup all over his face.

"Flynn, you got it all over your face" Annie says wiping Flynn's mouth, I know Annie has to get to work so I take over getting Flynn cleaned up for school. I walk Flynn to school as we idly chat, his little hand holding my all the way, we pass the markets that are gathering and preparing in the local square for the festival tonight, tables are being set and boat loads of fresh catchment are being pulled in from the nets, the sun shines brightly cascading a warmth down onto District 4's inhabitant and onto the sea as well highlighting the life under it, the water glistens like a blanket of diamonds whilst the seagulls squawk high in the clouds reminding those below they are masters of the skies. After dropping Flynn off I spend the remainder of my day swimming and relaxing on the beach, lost in my thoughts. I wonder what Peeta's doing, looking at my new environment I know Peeta would have loved it, I would have wanted to take him swimming into the ocean to feel free, to feel the same calm that I feel, he would have been self-conscious because of his leg but I know I could have persuaded him. I look at my skin observing how my skin has gone a more olive complexion, sun kissed from the rays of the sun. I collect myself and walk home preparing myself for the festival tonight. The festival is annual and celebrates the bounty of the sea which gives life to them and remembering it's fallen heroes during the Rebellion. I take a shower washing away the salt and sand from my body, the feel of my maxi dress falls loosely over my body and I tie my hair into a side braid leaving a few loose strands to my face, just the way Peeta liked it. I walk into the kitchen, it's now the afternoon and the festival will be starting soon and I look up to see Annie cuddled up with a sick little Flynn on the lounge before walking up to Flynn

"What's wrong?"

"Someone decided to start the celebrations a bit too early and with his friends ate too many lollies and got sick!" Annie looks down at Flynn who holds a bucket near him, cuddling to his mother.

"Oh bubby" I scratch his tummy, I'm a bit disappointed as we can't go now, I was looking forward to it but if Flynn is sick then I'm not leaving. I get up to my bedroom to get unchanged before Annie stops me.

"Oh Katniss don't worry, you go, I've already rung up Bannock and he's going to take you instead" she smiles at me, my heart suddenly quickens, it feels like it's fluttering like a hummingbird, my palms get sweaty and my stomach drops, why am I this nervous? It's not like I have feelings for him, he just makes me feel nervous and awkward, kind of like Peeta did. I smile a small smile and walk back to my bedroom collecting my thoughts and heartbeat. 15 minutes later Bannock arrives, he wears a crisp blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, jeans that are stone washed and however I can't help but look at his eyes, his green eyes boring into mine, his smile lights up and suddenly makes me feel at ease as I relax. Even when I stare at a different place or keep my eyes to the ground I feel his on mine. Annie rises from the lounge hugging Bannock.

"Thank you so much Bannock for taking Katniss, we have these on every year and I don't mind missing one but I want to make sure Katniss sees one, I don't want her to miss the fireworks and the fresh food and all" she smiles.

"It will be my pleasure Annie, definitely" He looks at me and I can't help but feel my heart quicken again. He walks to Flynn to give him a present he bought from the festival, a colouring in book with sea themes and pencils. We leave and walk together, we take out time in the festival enjoying the highlights, Bannock gets me to try things I haven't before, we feast on shrimp, lobster, oysters and battered fish with fresh vegetables and salad, we take turns at the games and watch the late night fireworks, he laughs as I look in wonder and smiles. The square is crowded with people and the sound of people laughing and singing combines with the sounds of the night ocean, the array of colour is overwhelming as blues, yellows, reds and oranges dominate the environment from not only the rich food but peoples clothing, people coming to celebrate not only the rich life from the bountiful ocean, but their rich life after the rebellion. I'm surprised at first that I have not been noticed as the Mocking jay but happy in the same sense. It's a relaxing feeling, free from anxiety and stress. As the night ends Bannock walks me home, we hear the cries of joy from the people of District 4 still continuing their celebrations and the laughter of children playing with sparklers, we idly chat about the festivities and he tells me all about it, he tells me about stories of District 4 and I laugh feeling content and safe, safe and sound.

We stop outside my complex before I turn to face him. I look into his eyes and he looks into mine. "Well thank you Bannock, I'm sorry to be a burden as you probably had plans to take some beautiful girl out tonight but instead got lumped babysitting me" I smile weakly.

"Well in fact I was planning on asking this beautiful girl out tonight, I was actually really nervous about it too since I hadn't asked her yet" he sighs looking serious "but then Annie called and asked me if I could take this said beautiful girl to the festival tonight because she couldn't take her herself which just made it all easier for me, not that I'm happy at Flynn getting sick but it meant I got the chance to spend the evening with you" he smiles leaning in closer. I take a hard gulp, the nervous feeling rushing back to my stomach like waves rolling back and again.

"Bannock, look I think you should know about me…" My sentence is cut short as I feel Bannock's soft lips on mine, his hand cups my face, it's not aggressive or invasive, it's soft and gentle as if he wants me to know that it's ok, I can feel safe. I feel confronted at first, not knowing what to do, mentally my mind is saying "Oh my God, Oh my God!" but my mouth is going with the feeling, I lose myself in the moment, but that's all it takes. I feel myself let go for a moment before I feel something in my heart pulling me and my senses. My mind flashes to memories of Peeta and how he was the only man that I would ever allow to kiss me, with one kiss he could tell me that I was loved, that I was safe, it could be passionate, it could be strong, it could be gentle, it would be filled with all of those elements but most importantly it was filled with love, my memory flashes to my wedding day to when we both said I do and he kissed me, when he came up for air he muttered one word to me that secured me for life "Always". I'm rushed back from my memory and my senses kick in before I'm ripping my mouth off Bannock and wiping my mouth. The thought of Peeta entering my mind, his crystal blue eyes, his smile, his blonde messy hair and the way he would hold me.

"Katniss what's wrong?" Bannock asks looking confused.

"I', sorry Bannock but I can't, I just can't" I say to him, tears in my eyes. He looks at me deeply; the air between us silent yet so much is being said.

"It's him isn't it?" he asks, quietly, not forcefully.

I nod meekly, feeling like a coward I look to the ground.

"Katniss, he cheated on you, he lied to you, he said he would love you and never hurt you and he did" He looks at me pleading.

"I know, and for some reason I can't help but still love him, and no matter what has happened between us, the mistakes we have made I will always love him still." I say to him.

He shakes his head and turns to walk before coming back to me.

"In the past, all I ever heard was how great a man this Peeta Mellark was, the great Victor, the great hero, even the great husband!" the intensity starts to rise in Bannock, like a volcano that spews the lava, his feelings come pouring out to me "if he was so great, how could he do this to you, what kind of great man does that? If you were mine Katniss, I would never leave you, I would never leave you side, you took my breath away the moment I laid eyes on you and you still do, even now" he looks at me deeply as the tears fall freely down my face.

"I'm sorry Bannock, but yes after everything that happened between us and Peeta, I love him, I love him as much as I hate him, I hate him for the pain he caused me, I hate him for breaking my heart, I hate him because he made me fall so madly in love with him to the point that I can't live without him and the hardest part is the fact that I know I will never stop loving him, everything I do is about Peeta, every breath that I take, every dream that I dream, every tear that I have shed has all been about and for Peeta" I cry to him. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes before closing the gap between us, he cups my face just like Peeta used to.

"You are so much stronger than him, you're not weak like him and his weakness led him to lose the most perfect thing"

I shake my head at him before looking up at him. "That's the thing Bannock, that's what makes Peeta and me so perfect for each other, the fact that we're imperfect" He looks at me nodding his head before his kisses my hand and walks away down the street. I stand there and cry isolated and alone, heaving and sobbing into the street, the faint cries of people celebrating echo in the background, a stark contrast to myself right now. I inhale the salt air to calm me down and feel the breeze take away my tears, I go into the complex and walk slowly, my thoughts are all erratic, scrambled, they're like a jigsaw puzzle with none of the pieces fitting into each other, I hate myself, hate myself for hurting Bannock, sweet Bannock who has been an innocent party caught in the crossfire, the pain I've caused him and the pain I've caused Peeta, my precious Peeta, I hate myself as the feeling of shame, regret and sickness fill me, is this how Peeta felt the day after sleeping with Delly? God I miss him, I wish he would hold me, take me in his arms and make the pain and fears go away. I enter the apartment, its dark inside; I see a note left by Annie and look at it

_Katniss, _

_Flynn was desperate to see the fireworks, I couldn't say no, I'm just taking him on the beach and then we will come home. We won't be too long_

_A & F_

I place the note on the table before seeing the answering machine. 16 missed calls all gone to voicemail. 16? Who wanted us this badly? Only in an emergency would someone leave 16 messages. I press play on the machine.

"Katniss, I need you to answer the phone, it's urgent" Haymitch, it was Haymitch's voice, I listened to every message from "Katniss answer the fucking phone", "Katniss, get your lazy ass off the beach and pick up", "Katniss when you get this message you need to ring me immediately!" his tone is urgent, frantic, did something bad happen to Peeta, I frantically call Haymitch, my heart beating faster and faster like a jackhammer about to burst through my chest. After what seems like an eternity Haymitch finally answers, I can tell he's already drunk when he answers.

"Yes dearie, I wondered how long it was going to take for you to answer" he dryly says, for someone who is drunk he has a keen sense knowing it was me who has called. "Haymitch you left 16 urgent messages on my phone what is it? Is Peeta ok? It's not his nightmares or episodes is it?" I frantically ask not sparing him a second to even answer.

"Just calm down ok and listen, are you alone I think this would be better to hear if you were alone" he states in the phone, his voice firm.

"I'm by myself"

"Good. I thought you should know, Delly went into labour today, the baby is premature, healthy but I thought you should know" My voice and breath catches in my throat. The next few sentences that leave Haymitch's mouth could determine my future and impact not only my life but everyone involved. I listen carefully, sweating with nerves.

"Delly gave birth to a girl. When Peeta found out he was working at the bakery, he rushed to the hospital to be there, more to find out if the baby was his or not. It was awkward as all fuck let me tell you, to have the Hawthorne family there INCLUDING Gale who came by, he was in District 11 at the time so it didn't take too much for him to there and me and Peeta in one corner, the tension was so thick I thought I was going to have to AGAIN separate them if a fight came out or else fail take on Gale whilst Peeta took on Rory, but I think we were all just wondering the same thing, who was the father"

"Can you just tell me Haymitch whose it is?!" I scream, anticipation killing me like a knife in my heart twisting slowly. He pauses, I hear him taking a swig from his bottle.

"It's Hawthorne's" I'm frozen to the ground, shocked to the core, I feel so many feelings right now, relief, shock, happy, sadness.

"You there?"

"Yeah I'm here" I quietly say.

"When that baby came out, you didn't really need a DNA test to determine who was the father, that baby is all Hawthorne, a simple elementary test would show that but Peeta was persistent, he wanted that test so badly and to get it into documented form just so he could show you, to prove it to you. As soon as we left the hospital he was begging me to ring you I couldn't get rid of him, hell he wanted to stay here and tell you himself over the phone but I know if he knew that you were with Annie he would forget the call and take a train just to tell you himself" I sink to the floor grasping my knees, the baby isn't his, it's not Peeta's, relief fills me and I cry with happiness, joy, I don't care who hears me, the baby isn't Peeta's.

"Now you have your information sweetheart now I need yours, what are you gonna do now huh? The baby isn't his, you can come back now and sort this shit out with him, don't be a stubborn brat and let his one stupid mistake ruin a good future, if the child was his I could understand but you have nothing in the way now" I sit in silence, not knowing how to respond, I'm still trying to comprehend the baby not being his.

"I need to think Haymitch; I just need time to think"

"You've had time sweetheart, you got your answer now Peeta needs his, is there hope? Is there a chance? Coz that's what he's holding out for, don't be cruel and give him false hope because if you do you're not really the hero at all, you're the executioner, because that's what you'll be doing, you'll be killing him" there's silence on the other end

"Let me call you tomorrow Haymitch, I just need tonight to think" I sniffle

"Don't take too long girlie"

I hang up the phone, sitting in the darkness, letting it envelope me like a safety blanket, I don't know what to feel, I feel empty for a while as I start to feel the hope rise in me, it's not Peeta's child, it's not Peeta's child, but then my conscious takes over and reminds me what he did to me, but then Haymitch's words resonate reminding me it was one mistake, don't let one mistake ruin a future of hope and fullness. I feel sick to my stomach as I realise my own mistake tonight, I kissed Bannock and though I explained my love for Peeta I still kissed him, who am I to judge and criticise Peeta after what I did? Though I didn't go as far as to sleep with him, I still breached my vows to Peeta. I cry harder as I sit in the dark. I get up and have another walk on the promenade, this night has been a disaster filled with so much hurt and pain, it started out so well now I fill the searing pain inflicting inside my heat like red hot pokers, hours pass and I think, and think and think, I think until my brain hurts and I have a headache and my eyes are sore and red. I spot ahead of me little Flynn and Annie walking my way and I smile, Annie beams at me.

"Hello there, are you all right?" she asks concern spreading over her face. I nod not verbally responding, I look down at little Flynn who beams up at me, I sit in front of him.

"Did you have a good time tonight seeing the fireworks?"

He nods enthusiastically "Yeah, they were sooo big and bright and LOUD!" He exclaims with his hands exaggerating as I laugh, Annie looks at me wondering what's wrong.

"Are you ok?" She asks rubbing my shoulder; I never could hide anything from her. I pause for a second before replying, feeling the cold sea air come over my face and remove my tears, the sound of the shore echoing like thunder and the boats in the dock are honking their horns. I'll really miss this place.

"I think it's time I go home" I look at her. She nods to me and takes my hand "Ok well we'll go home now and have a cup of tea" She starts to walk before I stop her.

"No Annie, I mean, I think it's time I go home" She looks at me, suddenly realization dawning on her face, she looks in my eyes smiling before nodding, I can see the tears filling in her eyes. She smiles to me "Ok, well let's get you ready" we both walk hand in hand with little Flynn talking nonstop about the fireworks, I giggle and laugh before we reach the complex. I remove my clothes and take a hot shower before going to bed feeling the cool cotton float over my body, the last thing I think before the sandman takes me into a realm of sleep is tomorrow I'll be on my way to see Peeta.

Ok guys what did you think? I was sooo nervous about this chapter so I hope you liked it It was always my intention not to make the baby Peeta's however I'm going to start to show Katniss making an effort on her part to, Peeta made a terrible mistake and we all know Katniss has such emotional baggage and a hard time with trust so she ultimately felt crushed, Peeta has recognized what he did to her and is now going to come fighting back however I will be exploring Katniss making an effort to. Katniss is not perfect either, she is stubborn, selfish at times, hard to communicate to and this is about a partnership, all relationships have issues they need to deal with and Katniss needs to realise that she's not perfect either, she has made mistakes in the past and Peeta has been there for her so now I will be exploring the confrontation between the two. I won't be including Gale in the story in the sense of interaction as this was just about Peeta and Kat however I have two ideas for new stories at the moment that I am writing up and one of them will be including Peeta/Katniss and Gale. Again I hope you enjoyed and please review, it truly makes my day and I'm so grateful to have amazing people like you reading my story as this is my first!:-) Apologies for any typos or grammatical errors, I do proof read before submitting so I hope it's ok


	14. Chapter 14

Hi guys! I am SOOOOOO sorry that it has been a while since I updated for you! I feel bad but I suffered a bit of writers block and I didn't want to rush it as I didn't want to let you down I wanted to wait and have a good think and give you a chapter that was good. I want to thank all my reviewers and followers including King Kubar, mrssherrange, Scooby-Lady, Kris Ivashkov25 and my many more plus guest reviewers and anyone that I left out, I thank you all, it's seriously humbling that people take the time to read I hope you enjoy and that it leads up to your expectations, please review and enjoy

Rated M, all rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Katniss POV

I sit on the train and watch outside my window, I watch the colours change district to district, I watch the cool blues of District 4 change to coppers of District 7 then as I get closer and arrive at District 11, the earthy browns and green tones that embodied District 12 too. My trip is long and tiring and takes all night, I haven't told anyone that I am arriving except for Annie knowing, it broke my heart when we had to tell Flynn that I had to go home, his sweet little face turned crestfallen and his little lip pouted before I saw tears falling from his eyes, he wouldn't leave his room as I packed and Annie helped and as we shared our last meal together, however when it finally came time to go to the train station, he shot out like a cannon ball from his bedroom with his toy seahorse in his arms hurrying into my arms crying for me not to leave, I held him in my arms as I reassured him that I was coming back, that it was not goodbye. Annie and Flynn came to the train station with me to say goodbye all the while Flynn's little lip quivered, I was so scared, saying goodbye to a life that I had temporarily made in 4 that I had become comfortable to, to going back to 12, a place that was once my home, uncertainty and doubt clouded my mind as I was not sure as to what I would find upon my arrival, hope? A home? Or would everything be lost?

I get off onto the station, its surreal as I haven't been here for a long time, the platform is exactly the same as when I left yesterday as only two people get on to go back to the Capital. The season is nice with the sun out and shining and a cool breeze in the air blowing the dark red, brown and orange leaves, the wind sweeping it across the platform. Anxiety kicks in as I walk off with my luggage and back to Victors Village, its 10:13pm so I know Peeta should be already at the bakery, I know I have to see him but I don't think I'm ready yet for a confrontation so soon. I make my way through the town using the backstreets, the last thing I want is people noticing me and it spreading like wildfire that I'm back home, it would certainly get back to Peeta and I know he would come straight to mine. I take my time observing District 12, I have been so used to District 4 that some of it seems new to me, my lungs and senses have been used to salt air and bright sun with the sounds of waves in the background, now I'm reminded again of the scent of pine being carried on the wind from the forest, the sounds of birds chirpings and instead of blue and yellow being the dominant colours that I've been used to, it's now green and brown. I make my way to Victors Village and stop, looking at the little Village, I'm filled with apprehension before I walk up there, anxiety and stress corrupt my thoughts. I take a deep breath and walk up the cobbled street, passing Haymitch's house, the one thing that was still the same, the geese pen, his overgrown lawn, empty liquor bottles thrown out in the yard. I look next door to a similar house, Peeta's, shivers run up my spine as I'm filled with nerves feeling like a million butterflies have been set loose from a cage within my stomach. I spot my house and walk slowly up the stairs feeling strange as I have not set foot on these stairs for so long. I place my key in the lock and turn hearing the lock open, I take a deep breath and close my eyes before walking in, to my surprise, it's better than it seems. I expected it to be musty and dank, instead, the blinds are open with light streaming through into the kitchen, the house is tidy and clean, as if someone cleaned it recently, I see Buttercup lying on the lounge stretching herself out, she's seems to have put on weight so I know she's been fed and looked after. I walk slowly around my home not recognizing it at first, the pictures on the mantle place are all neatly aligned of me and Peeta and the table and belongings are dust free. I take my belongings upstairs to my room and again the same, my blinds are open so the sunlight can stream across the room brightening it, my bed has been neatly made, has Greasy Sae been coming here? My bathroom has been cleaned and my belongings are all back in their normal place, I was certain that the day I left I left everything on the floor and it looked like a storm had ripped through it. I sighed and began to slowly unpack of what was my life at District 4, now memories, pictures of me and Flynn, of Annie, my salt body scrub and shampoo and conditioner that smelt like District 4, ornaments of seashells and faux coral, my light dresses and other miscellaneous items that I had collected. I change into something more comfortable and walk down the stairs when I'm done and take a look around at my surroundings, silence, it's deafening.

I leave my house and run into an old face, Haymitch stands before me, with a bottle in one hand, he stares at me, his eyes boring into me as he tries to evaluate what to make of me.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you, they say the one you fight with the most is the one most like you, didn't think you'd come so quickly" he swigs from his bottle

"I had some things to think out, get things sorted"

"Well you took enough time, you here for good sweetheart?"

"I hope so" We both stand there in silence, both having the same feelings

"good" he turns to leave before stopping to face me "oh and sweetheart when you begin your hunting you owe me, for all the shit I had to put up with in your absence and for the loss of one of my geese, if you're wondering why your damn cat is so fat it decided that geese was on the menu this week and ate one so next time, get me some squirrel"

I chuckle and nod, he turns to go back inside his home. I make my way towards the Hub, I needed to see Greasy Sae, to feel that comfort, I start to feel the stares of the people as they whisper "she's back, she's back" I keep my head down, I know it's not out of maliciousness or anything as I feel their warmth and smiles, happy to see my return. I spot Greasy Sae behind her counter serving her stew, she looks up and spots me looking shocked. She walks from around the counter before giving me a big hug as a mother would, she looks at me face as tears fill her eyes.

"All my stars you're back, gosh girlie you know how to scare a woman" she hugs me again and ushers me back to her stall where she serves me hot stew in a rich gravy and mash. I tell her everything on where I was, who I stayed with, what I did, she holds my hands and I stay with her for 3 hours, it feels good, it feels safe, like old times, she smiles and comments on my tanner skin and comments on the smell of salt and sea. After I take my leave I make my way back home taking my time while I collected my thoughts, I see a tall figure standing on my porch and I feel my stress and anxiety leave my body as I see Rory Hawthorne standing there, his tall figure as he stands in his cargo pants and long v-neck sweater, his smiles widens at me, he takes 3 long strides and picks me up in a hug swinging me around before letting me down on the ground.

"My God how I've missed this face! Hunting hasn't been the same without you" He smiles, we walk inside as we chat idly about being in District 4, Annie and Flynn, he asks me how I've been, how I've been coping, I ask him the same.

"And this is a picture of her, little Madison Hawthorne or as we like to call her Maddie" I look at the picture he gave me and smile, as Haymitch said she's all Hawthorne, no resemblance to Delly.

"yeah Gale had to go back early yesterday morning to District 11 but he was there for the birth, I'm not gonna lie, it was awkward as all fuck with Peeta there but as soon as it was confirmed that she was mine, he left which made me and Gale happy" he senses my tension and silence, he knows how hard this is for me.

"Sorry Kat, it's just been hard for us this past 9 months, the stressing, the fighting, to tell you the truth I'm glad it's all over" I nod politely

"So, have you seen Peeta?"

I don't answer

"Look Kat, I know it's not my place to say, as much as I hate the bastard for all that happened, and while I forgive Delly I know I can't ever forget, I know at the end of the day I still love her, and my love will be greater than my hate, if this was Peeta's baby I could understand if you never came back but these past few months I saw him ruin himself, drink himself into an early grave, and then I saw him come back fighting for you, it just seemed one day he saw himself and stopped pitying himself, he started fighting harder with more determination, for you. I know he used this place as a shrine to you, coming every day, looking after it, taking care of Buttercup, I know you asked me to look after her however he wouldn't give her to me, seemed like it was the only connection to you, maybe it wouldn't be bad to talk to him" I look at him, taking in his words not knowing what to say, there's so much to say to Peeta, I hate you, I love you, yet I don't know how to start.

"Look you've had a big day and I got to get back to the hospital to see how they are but I'll be back tomorrow ok" he hugs me again and I inhale his scent, musky woods and pine, God how I've missed it. He looks at me confused "you've been away too long, you smell different" I chuckle

"yeah I've been hearing that a lot" Rory leaves as it darkens outside, I make my way to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea before I hear another knock at my door, did Rory forget something?, I walk to the front door and open it expecting to see the grey seam eyes of Rory however instead I stare into the crystal blue eyes of my husband standing before me in a brown jumper and jeans.

"Peeta" I gasp. He looks into me and my soul as we stand on the porch.

"Katniss"

Ok well that's it for the moment, I am planning on a confrontation however I don't want to make their reconciliation so soon as I don't think that's realistic, so much has happened between them that it would just be unbelievable if she came back home and they got back together so soon, she just arrived back to District 12 and they have some major issues to address both Peeta's and Katniss's as well but before Christmas I wanted to give you a chapter I will be posting another chapter next week after Christmas, I hope you enjoyed it so please review, consider that my Christmas present For the time being have a Merry and safe Christmas, I hope Santa is good to you all and brings all the presents you wished for!:-)


	15. Chapter 15

Hi guys! Merry Christmas! I hope Santa was kind to you with pressies under your tree here is the next chapter here, I hope you enjoy it, I would like to thank all my guest reviewers, people who have favourite this story and people who have reviewed including King Kubar, anne-luy, kcat0109, hope21009, TheRocker09, Iamabooknerd and soooo many more, if I have forgotten to mention anyone don't worry I have not forgotten you, each and every one of you is so special to me, I'm so humbled that you read my work, it was the best present for Christmas I hope you have a great New Years! And enjoy

Rated M for language

All rights belong to Suzanne Collins

I look into his eyes, his crystal blue eyes and I feel all my barriers go down, my shields and armour collapse and I can't swallow, can't breathe, how is it that one person can have this effect on me? His hair is brushed messy, how I like it, he stands before me as I feel his eyes bore into me, he's grown a beared, not one that falls below his face or chin, but one that covers his face, it resembles a grizzly bear but right now all I can think about is how I've missed him, how I want to run into his arms and tell him how I love him but I can't, there's still that hidden demon in me that makes me scared of letting go. He holds a bag in his hand as he stands there

"Hi" he meekly smiles

"Hi" I weakly state

I feel the earth move as we stand there, the wind blowing and blowing the rustling leaves, the creaking of my old home coming alive which is the only noise between us two.

"I heard you came back and you've had a long trip, and I know there isn't enough food in your pantry so I have some left over bread from today that I thought you might like, and um I have some left over stew too so it's nothing much but it's a meal until you get settled" He looks at the floor while he talks, not reaching my eyes, I simply nod. I take the bread and container, it's still hot. I thank him and we stand there in silence, he shuffles his feet.

"Well I better be off" he walks off as I stand there, not knowing what has just happened, not being able to read his emotions, I watch him walk to his house as I turn to go inside, I hear him call my name out and I turn

"Katniss"

I look at him in the darkened street

"It's good to see you home" he then turns and walks into his doors, I walk into mine and close my eyes, taking a deep breath and thinking of him, even just standing there I caught his scent and it reminded me how much I miss him, I look into the bag and there is an assortment of my favourite, pumpkin loaf, cheese and chives, cheesy buns and a pretzel knot. I walk into my kitchen and open the container and see the steam rise filling my senses of plum stew and rice, god it smelt good, I know Peeta hasn't made this just on a whim as he knew this was my favourite meal with him, he knew that I would have memories of him, oh you shrewd thing Peeta, you were always smart.

I finish my meal before getting changed into my pyjamas, It's a surreal feeling sleeping in my bed, it's been so long and while I feel safe in my home, I haven't felt more alone before; no Annie to hold me and give me reassuring words and no Peeta to keep the nightmares away, I lie there and think of him, his strong arms around me, him nestled into the back of me kissing my shoulder and humming me to sleep, I get out of my bed and look over at his house, his lights are still on, his bedroom and his painting room. I go back to my bed and sigh and get lulled into the realm of sleep thinking of Peeta's blue eyes.

Peeta POV

I step back into my house, my heart racing a million miles per hour, as soon as I heard from Trinity at the bakery that she had returned my heart and thoughts raced, both trying in vain to catch up with each other. As soon as I got home I showered and got changed, I had intended to go over there and wait for her, to talk to her, tell her how much I missed her, how this time I would work harder, fight for us, how I have no one but myself to blame for this mistake but also to address the problems that led us to this. As I was going to leave my house I spotted Rory on her porch and stepped back waiting and watching from my window, I was upset at first but then thought it was the best, I didn't want to scare her away, I want her to stay. I decided to make her some bread and stew that I would also eat, I know after her long trip there's nothing in the pantry, had I known she was coming back I would have shaved too. I wait and I wait till I see Rory leave, I wait and watch as he walks out of Victors Village when I approach her house. When she finally answered the door she took my breath away, her hair was still long yet it neatly framed her face, her skin had a more even olive tan that made her silver eyes stand out more, I never thought she could get more beautiful but standing here I saw a goddess. I gave her the meal but treated the situation like I was approaching a deer, cautious and wary, not wanting to spook it off. She looked softer and just seeing her here made me question why? There's a reason as to why she was here, there has to be hope.

Once I got inside my home I sighed and closed my eyes thinking of her, my heart was thumping and my mind raced, God I missed her, I walked into my lounge room, my empty little lounge room and sat down to eat my meal alone and looked around, how I just wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to tell how I was sorry, that every day was torture and madness in her absence. After my meal I go to bed but in vain as sleep eludes me, I act like a kid excited on Christmas eve to find the presents Santa left for them, I toss and turn as I feel the empty bed next to me, she's so close yet so far, in the end I get up and go to my drawing room to sketch, to relax and take my mind off her, I take out my charcoals and look at a picture of her, I sketch every hair, her perfect mouth, her silver eyes and her perky nose, when I finish I look down at it, touching the face as I wish I was really touching hers right now. I hear the banging down stairs on the front door and run from the room, hoping it is her, I race and throw the door open to see a vision of drunkenness in front of me.

"Sorry boy, not the visitor you were expecting, it would take more than 2 bottles of white liquor to get me that attractive"

I smile and let him in, having Haymitch here would be good, just to talk to him.

"So, you're not at hers, I gotta hand it to you I'm surprised, I thought you would be at hers right now sprinkling roses on her doorstep and professing your love" he takes a swig of his bottle before collapsing onto the lounge.

I walk into the lounge room sitting opposite him "Haymitch internally I would love nothing better, but you and I know that she would run and I would never see her again, I can't scare her off Haymitch not this time, this time I have a chance, a shot, a second chance to redeem myself and I'm not going to fuck it up"

He stares at me for a moment "well well well look who got his balls back, seems like you actually know what you're doing" his raises his flask up to me before swigging it. We talk for a while, eating and talking casually before he leaves staggering off into the darkness, I take a long look at Katniss house before closing my front door and returning to bed, I look at my side to see the picture on my nightstand of me and Katniss on our wedding day before I'm lulled into a sleep of happier times and high hopes.

Kat POV

3 weeks later, 3 long, anxious weeks later and me and Peeta are still walking on eggshells, doing this dance around each other, like we're skirting an issue, that's there's an elephant in the room that we're not addressing. Even hunting at first was a tackle, I had spent so long away from the woods that I had forgotten the little things that made it important to hunt, the way I approached my game, even how I held my bow, at first I was a little off aim, but it gave me more determination to practice every day to get my skill back to 100% once again, I hadn't completely lost it, I just needed to fine tune it. He comes by every day to drop off fresh bread to me as I've settled myself more now. Haymitch visits often, probing about me and Peeta, I skirt around the issue as I find I can't talk to Haymitch about it, Rory visits often and for the first time the other day he brought little Maddie, I held her in my arms and at first when I did I was scared, I was holding a life, this perfect little life inside my scarred and broken arms, what a perfect contrast, something so innocent and fragile being held by something so damaged and fragile, however after a while I grew to like holding her, that new baby smell and how she just curled in my arms, it was relaxing, maybe because I just missed that interaction with Flynn, oh how I missed Flynn. Rory commented on how I looked like a natural holding her but I laughed, the good thing is he hasn't brought Delly around; I don't know how much patience I would have for her as well as time. Rory causally talks about her but not much, he understands my lack of interest but I politely reply back when he discusses how much having a baby has changed their lives, it seems the only person I can talk to is Annie, since being here I have called her nearly every day, I apologised for it but she said she didn't mind as she missed me, she puts Flynn on the phone and as soon as he talks my face brightens up and I smile, he talks about school and his activities and I generally find myself wanting to know everything he's done, what he's doing and how he is, he makes me laugh especially when he tells me he has girls trying to kiss him on the cheek at school and how he doesn't want to get girl germs, I roar with laughter, if his father was alive he would be telling him how he wouldn't mind when he's older.

Greasy Sae comes every two days to see how I am and we have dinner together with her granddaughter Caitlyn, she makes the suggestion we plan Haymitch's birthday which is good as it takes my mind off other things or should I say people in particular...

"You know how he hasn't got anybody now, no company, than man won't say it but he looks at you two kids as his own" Greasy Sae speaks as she puts the dirty dishes in the sink after dinner one night, Caitlyn sits on the floor colouring in, she brushes her dark seam hair out of her eyes I smile at her.

"Of course he has company Sae, it's called the geese in the pens and the bottles of white liquor in his cabinet" Greasy Sae smiles "I know girly, trouble with you is you don't see how much you two are really alike, stubborn as a mule, independent, always right but your all you've got, just a dinner with us, something small, I'll arrange the meal if you can set up how does that sound?" As reluctant as I am I agree, I should after everything Haymitch has done for me. Greasy Sae let's Haymitch know the next day and he says he'll come, not to celebrate and be with friends but for the free food, though deep down I do know he would like the company. I spend my day opening the blinds in my house to allow the sun in and cleaning my home, all the while I was gone this house remained intact and pristine clean, 3 weeks of me living here and it looks like a bomb went off, I'm picking clothes off the floor and have the washing machine going on, I wear little shorts and a t-shirt with my hair in a messy bun as I know I'm going to get dirty cleaning, I start with mopping the floor and leave the front door open allowing the cool air to come in on this hot day. I spend a good couple of hours cleaning the kitchen then proceed to the hall way cleaning it, I'm lost deep in my thoughts when I hear a knock at my door.

"Hey Sae, I've cleaned the kitchen so you're all good to start you're cooking now" I get up off the floor and turn around expecting to see Greasy but instead I'm meeting the eyes of one of the people who caused me so much pain, Delly. She stands there on my porch wearing a simple dress, her hair is in a bun and she stares at me long not crossing the threshold, apprehension taking over her body. I don't know how to feel at first; anger, shock, nervousness, I stare at her for a while not blinking, I'm shocked at first, the only thing that stops me lunging at her is Rory and how she's a new mother.

"Hello Katniss" she whispers, no malice or underlining connotations in her tone. I continue to look at her incredulously, not knowing what to say, after a while I respond.

"You have a lot of nerve coming to my house" I state as I stand there, we're both opposite each other, it's like a Mexican standoff with only our words as weapons.

"I know, I didn't come here for any trouble, I told Rory I wanted to talk to you, he said it was a fools idea, that I should leave you be, that I shouldn't disturb you but I just need to speak to you, he doesn't even know I'm here"

"Then why are you here?" I start to lose my patience and nerve with her and she can see it.

"I just wanted to speak to you, that's all"

"Well speak I don't have the time nor patience"

"ok but please Katniss, listen to me, please let me finish" she takes a deep breath in as I see she is uncomfortable and nervous, she looks at her feet not wanting to meet my eye, I stand there, still staring at her, if my eyes could kill I'm sure there would be scorch marks on her body. She begins her speech and I can tell she's been preparing for it.

"What I did Katniss, is inexcusable, I ruined and hurt so many people that I claim to love and who I do love and lost so much. My recklessness and carelessness cost so much, I nearly lost Rory, I lost my reputation in the town, I lost my friendship with Peeta and most importantly I lost my friendship with you, I lost the person who gave me so much, who I cared for as a sister and what I did to you, is something I can't even put into words" by this time she is crying but I interrupt her.

"Disgusting, inconsiderate, gutless" I say, I'm not gonna lie, I have no sympathy right now, after everything she has done I don't know how I am even standing here listening to this dribble, a part of me wants to slam the door in her face but anther is curious as to what she has to say.

"Yes Katniss all of the above, I wronged you in so many ways, I cheated on my husband and I was deceitful to you. It was never my intention to hurt the ones I loved and even though I was drunk there is no excuse for what I did. If it's any consolation these 9 months have not been as every mother should feel; it was hard, horrible and depressing. I was called a home wrecker, a whore, I had people stare me down as if I was waste to the point where I didn't leave my home but I didn't care what they thought because all I wanted was my friend back, my sister back" she's sobbing now and even though it pains me as a part of me does love her which makes it worse, a part of me can still not forgive her for what she did to me.

"Rory though he was here, I could tell he was not. Every time he looked at me he didn't see his fiancée, his love, he saw someone who hurt him, who betrayed him. But what hurt me more was that while I had Rory Peeta had no one" I'm about to say something, how dare she say something to me about leaving Peeta, she left me with no choice!

"Please Kat let me finish" she raises her hand pleading "I felt so bad because I watched as he descended month after month with drink and depression, all because of our mistake. After you left he was a shell of a man, and all we could do was watch. It hurt because I know what he was doing to himself, I felt the same pain as he did. You don't owe me anything Katniss, you don't even owe me the time you're taking now to listen to me, I fairly know I've lost you're friendship but If I could ask for one thing Katniss, please don't let go of Peeta, I know you probably had a hard time while you were gone too but I didn't see you, I saw him and I saw a shell of a man, a broken man. He doesn't need to be reminded of the mistake he made he knows too well, you have both been through soo much, you like two sides of a coin and if ones away the other one just simply doesn't work. I know you won't tell me but ask yourself can you really think of a future without Peeta?"

I listened for a moment and as much as I hated to surrender to my feelings, I couldn't think of a future without him, it scared me so. A future without Peeta was like a black star, sucking me into an abyss, none to protect me against the nightmares, a future alone, all I wanted was the future that was brighter, a future only Peeta could provide.

"Please don't let one mistake, though horrible as it was, don't let it ruin what could be an amazing future" and with that she leaves my doorstep. I stand there in silence, not knowing what to say, how to respond, how to feel before the sobs wrack my body and I succumb to it. I compose myself as I hear Greasy Sae and little Caitlyn coming up my stairs, I quickly collect myself and smile leaving Greasy Sae to start on the dinner. I go upstairs for a nap before the meal trying to calm myself down, as I sit down on the bed I take out my photo album and I look through the pictures, me and Peeta on our wedding day, me and Peeta on our first wedding anniversary, when he opened the bakery, his birthday, in our meadow, him smiling as he tried to shot an arrow with my bow for the first time, was I really ready to say goodbye to our future when I could hardly let go of my past?

Peeta POV

Greasy Sae had gotten some bread from me, she told me how they were holding a little dinner for Haymitch and Katniss's home, I won't lie I felt a bit sad, left out but I wasn't surprised, what did I expect? I made sure to give Greasy some really good bread that I knew Kat would enjoy, I pass little Caitlyn a sugar cookie and smile as she giggles at me. She heads off and I can't help but ponder what they will be doing tonight, how she will look, will she have her hair in a braid? Or down in loose waves like I love it, it's late in the afternoon when I close the store up and make my way home. I stare at her house and wonder, the leaves comes down Victors Village with the cool breeze and I can hear running and chatter in her home, the lights are on and I see her through the window, her hair is loosely down and she wears a thin strap orange dress, soft like a sunrise, dark and light orange swirls with brown sandals. I stare at her before looking down and making my way back to my home. I'm not going to crash a party, I'm not going to be rude, and I have some left over stew left so I might heat that up. I get changed from my baking clothes into some sweats and a white cotton tee when I hear a knock at my door. I go downstairs, probably Haymitch wanting to know where he hid his liquor. I open the door to meet someone else instead; instead of the drunken, lidded eyes of Haymitch I meet the grey, silver eyes of Katniss

Katniss POV:

Once I wake from my sleep, I think of Peeta again, the rest did me good and my headache is gone, I hop into the shower and rinse away my fears. The heat feels good against my skin and I come out feeling refreshed. I look through my wardrobe deciding what to wear, as I flick through the dresses I dismiss each one; no, no, no and then I come across it, the thin strapped orange dress, the one that reminded Peeta of sunrises, I decide this one is the best. I leave me hair down and put some of my salt and sea moisturizer on leaving me feeling softer and cleaner. I go downstairs to the smell of a rich baked dinner and hot bread out of the oven, Caitlyn is running around as Haymitch chases her and the home feels alive once again. I look around and while it feels good to have my family again there's one noticeable thing absent, I think back to what Delly said and look outside my front window at his house, his lights are now on which means he's home. I take a deep breath and go quietly outside my front door leaving a shrieking Caitlyn as Haymitch tickles her. It's darkening outside and the wind has picked up, the breeze carries the scent of pine and the woods across the air and the leaves tickle my toes that are in my sandals. I cross to his house and approach his door with trepidation before taking the plunge and knocking, I hear his heavy footsteps behind the door and he opens it. Just looking at him takes my breath away and I gulp, he looks at me and I look at him before realising I did go there for a reason.

"Hi" I say

"Hey" he says

We stand there awkwardly

"Um I'm not sure if you knew but we're having a birthday dinner over at mine, for Haymitch, just me, Sae and Caitlyn, nothing fancy but you welcome to come"

"Yeah Haymitch told me about it, he was excited about it, doesn't like to admit it, you know Haymitch. But you know you've arranged it for yourselves tonight and I don't want to intrude, you have a lovely time though" He smiles and is about to go back inside when I stop him

"it's not intruding if you're invited" He looks back at me and nods, he looks down at himself "well I better go change, thank you" he walks back upstairs and returns momentarily as I wait on the porch, he simply wears a pair of jeans and a black V-neck sweater, God it's the one that I loved him in, the one I used to wear around the house when he was working all day just so I could smell his scent.

We walk back together, I feel him look at me and as he looks down I look at him, we walk back to mine in silence.

There you guys go I hope it was ok, I wanted to give you guys a chapter before the New Year! I didn't want to rush into reconciliation as there are some underlining issues that need to be addressed on both parties. It's not going to be too slow but I don't expect them to be running into each other's arms too quickly as life is not like that. I thought it was important to have that Delly part as I want closure on all aspects, I felt Delly needed to say more than just "sorry" to Katniss, she needed to admit that what she did was irrevocably horrible and she understands the ramifications of her actions, I want to show that Peeta is going to fight for Katniss however he's not going to be like a lost little puppy otherwise he's going to get walked all over, they both have flaws and they will be addressed in the next chapter DEFINITELY! These are their feelings they are dealing with and it's a very conflicting situation, Peeta's is pretty straight, he wants Kat back however Kat feels like she's in a tug of war with her heart and mind, her heart wants Peeta back but her mind is going "do I trust him" "will he hurt me again" she feels very unsure right now and that's what we're going to see in the next chapter, a confrontation! I hope you guys have FANTASTIC NEW YEARS, party hard please review, it always makes me happy especially from my followers, guest reviewers and everyone, it makes me so happy. Again have a great NEW YEARS and I will see you next year! :-)


	16. Chapter 16

Hello my lovely readers! Happy New Year and welcome to 2013! Thank you for reading and reviewing, it means a lot! Here is part one of the confrontation, it was hard to write as it was an emotional rollercoaster so I hope you do enjoy it. Please review it, I want to thank my guest reviewers and my followers such as King Kubar, CrazyFuinnja, TheRocker09, VMars lover, Perrin33, PEENISSFORLIFE and there are so many many more of you that I love and, if I have not mentioned you do not think I have forgotten you, each one of you is so special to me I hope you enjoy and Happy New Years!

Rated M

Rights belong to SUZANNE COLLINS

4 weeks later, I've been anxious every day, me and Peeta have settled into a routine. He comes by every 2 nights to have dinner with me and brings me bread every day, our meals are small and quiet, we don't know exactly what to say, mostly we talk about his day at the bakery, what he did, he asks about my hunting and then we sit in silence, eating. It's not our usual talk that we used to have; it's the polite talk that you would make with a stranger or an acquaintance. Afterwards he would help me with the dishes and then proceed home, it's weird, this place that we're in, I know we're both uncomfortable and yet we're still not addressing it. Haymitch comes by to annoy me but also to watch me, see how I'm feeling. Greasy Sae and Caitlyn are constant people who come by everyday which eases my anxiety and makes me feel calm, Sae's been the closest thing to a mother to me, stable, loving, consistent and I have Annie who calls me every couple of days to see how I am. I still miss Flynn, I look at the clock when it's 3 and tell myself that Flynn would be leaving school now, I miss our walks to and from school, how he would want his mac n cheese after school, sometimes I even eat it in the afternoon as it was my routine. Rory comes by, he came by after Delly's visit last time to apologize, I said it was fine, he told me that he informed her NOT to come over here but I calmed him down, he brings Maddie over every couple of visits or just takes myself and him out into the woods hunting, it feels good to go out there with a hunting partner, it reminds me of when it was me and Gale, a better time, a happier time when Prim was alive, she would have answers, she would tell me what to do.

I go one day with Rory to the cabin and he helps me clean it, he made sure he boarded it up nice and tight but the dust has collected as I remove the boards that have protected it from the storms and harsh winds in my absence, it takes 3 days to fix it but after a while it's looking back to normal. Rory tells me how Peeta would wander the woods trying to find me while I was gone, thinking that maybe I had returned and was just hiding in the cabin in the woods. My heart sinks at this feeling, knowing that he would spend his days until the night in order to find me, I remove myself from my thoughts and make my way back to my house with Rory after a long day, the sun is sinking away bidding goodnight to the world as the moon crosses the sky with the stars covering the land in a blanket of darkness, he walks me back all the time as my protector though I'm pretty sure no one would mess with me, the Mockingjay, the girl with the bow and arrow. I arrive at my home to find Peeta already at my doorstep, he holds in his hand a bag of assorted bread and vegetables, I let him in and he waits for me to get comfortable, I tell him that I will be having a shower and for him to make himself comfortable but he starts on the dinner, I notice he wears a white V-neck jumper and black jeans, he looks tired after a long day and I watch as he chops the vegetables, how he looks so comfortable in the kitchen knowing where everything is. I make my way upstairs and remove my clothes throwing them into a heap as I set into the steaming shower feeling the water dissolve the traces of dirt and sweat accumulated from my day in the woods. I use my salt and sea body scrub and shampoo and conditioner, once I remove myself I lather my body in a rich sea salt cream, I don't feel like making myself look pretty so I get into my comfy pyjamas that are flannel and a white tank top, it's nothing much but I just can't be bothered, I then tie my hair in a loose braid and make my way downstairs.

As I enter the kitchen the smell of chicken gumbo fills my sense as Peeta sets the table, he stares at me and smiles. He's prepared a lovely arrange of bread of cheese buns and pumpkin seeds. We sit and eat our meal in awkward silence, the only noise that fills the air in the clinking of our cutlery and movement of our glasses as well as the rain. We start talking about our day, the bakery, the woods, God it's like we have taped this conversation, and we talk about the same thing ALL the time.

"So…..the weather is up and down isn't it? It's sprinkling outside now"

Peeta is silent for a while toying with his food.

"Are we really going to have this type of conversation Katniss?" he says not even looking at me, I suddenly feel anxious and don't know how to respond'

"Well I'm not sure what else you want to talk about Peeta"

"How about the thing we're not addressing here? You've been here for 7 weeks now and we haven't sat down and talked, it's like there's an elephant in the room" he looks at me with pleading eyes. I don't look at him, preferring the view of my food on the table. He never takes his eyes off me; they bore into my soul looking for answers.

I sigh feeling defeated "I don't know what you want me to say Peeta"

"Fine I'll start if you like" he looks adamant here, like no matter what he's gonna push the subject. He moves his chair in front of me trying to gain my attention. I squirm in my chair really not wanting this talk, what do I say? I was s unprepared.

"You came back, you've been back for 7 weeks and every day, every day I have hoped, prayed and wished that you would say something to me, if you would notice me or if it is totally lost between us. 9 months ago, I made the single, most horrific mistake of my life, I promised you during the Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell and Rebellion that I would protect you if it meant with my own life, that I would never hurt you, I would die for you and kill for you which I have. I never once thought that I would cause you more pain that what the Games, Quarter Quell and Rebellion did to you. But you have to admit here Katniss things before that mistake were not good between us, we weren't talking, it seemed every time we did it would end in a fight with you slamming doors and me leaving to go to the bakery, but that didn't give me the right to do what I did to you. I poured my hate, my anger, my bitterness in alcohol and worst of all I poured it into the wrong person and damaged and hurt the one person who I loved more than my own life, who I still love"

I feel the tears cascading down my cheeks, hot and burning as he takes my hands into his.

"the day you left, I died, I died inside, I didn't leave my house, I didn't eat, I stayed here looking at pictures of you and us and what made it worse is that I KNEW I had done that to you, for someone who loved you so much I caused you so much pain, I had Rory throw me punches, even Haymitch threw me one when he first found out, I had the town HATE me but I didn't care, I didn't need them I just needed YOU. And then you were gone, you were gone, the only times I saw you were in my dreams, so I drank myself, to kill the pain, to forget but also to pass out because I knew that when I was asleep you were there in my dreams, you were there for me to touch, to kiss, to say I love you too and to hear it back! But it hurt even more because every time I woke up it reminded me of the reality of how you weren't there and WHY!"

I'm sobbing now and I can't control the tears, his hand holds mine in a tight grip in fear that I will run if he lets me go.

"Every day I thought of you, where you were, what you were thinking, were you safe? I would go into the woods to try in vain to find the cabin and sometimes sleep in the meadow, our meadow, I never imagined I would hurt you but I did…."

It's breaking my heart to hear him like this, by now the rain is hitting hard on the roof and walls of the house, thunder outside roaring like a dragon taking over in the clouds. My hearts beats harder and harder as I feel it about to explode from my chest, my breathing becomes erratic and I know I just can't take it anymore. I get up to leave, though the rain is now torrential outside it will be easier to handle than what's going on in here, I need to breath and collect my thoughts, even go to the cabin, in the woods, in the dark, in the rain.

Peeta spots me and immediately follows stopping me by slamming the door that I have tried in vain to open and cornering me into the wall in the hallway, I have never seen him more determined, to get his point across? Or to fight for us?

"No, you are not going anywhere Katniss, every time things get too hard you run, you run to the cabin, you run to the woods, you even ran to another district! BUT NOT NOW YOU HEAR!" he looks me dead in the eye as he pins me to the wall, my eyes are red and puffy and I can feel how the sobs wrack my body as I stand hear sounding like a wounded animal.

"I love you, I never stopped and I never will, without you I just don't work, I AM SORRY, you can believe me if you want or not but I am sorry, what I did is unforgivable, I'm not perfect but neither are you" I look at him incredulously, how could he turn this on me? He cheated I didn't.

"I loved you, I love you still, I have fought for you, have been tortured for you, have been through a Rebellion FOR YOU, I risked my life and didn't question it, and then we got married and that was the happiest day of my life! I thought we would spend the rest of our days happy and we did for a while and then the fighting began because of the subject of children, is it so wrong what I wanted Katniss? What I wanted with you, a family? A little boy to teach baking and bread with golden little curls? Or maybe a girl, a perfect little girl, as beautiful as her mother, dark hair and silver eyes, I lost a family Katniss and all I wanted to do was to make one with the woman I love" he's crying at this point with tears running down his cheeks, his cheeks that are red to match his eyes "do you have any idea how it felt for me as a man that you didn't want my children? I know I came back from the Rebellion a broken man, defected and deformed, but I asked myself what more could I have done for you? I tried to talk you but you would close yourself off to me or run to the cabin, the woods, hunting, I felt disconnected and yes I turned my problems to the wrong person, I did the wrong thing, I cheated on you but you cheated on me too, by not talking to me, by shutting me out and spending your time with Rory hunting, instead of losing yourself in me you lost yourself in hunting, after everything I had done for you, you shut me out in the cold. I know that Rory is just a friend but he is also a Hawthorne and though he was engaged to Delly, do you have ANY idea the feelings that arose in me? My old insecurities about you and Gale? and then you were gone, you went to District 4 and I lost you and when you came back my heart skipped with joy and I thought I was going to fight for her, for us, our marriage because I was not letting go, I made a promise Kat, I made a promise that I would never let you go, that I would always find my way back to you, that I will always love you"

He's crying and heavy breathing, trying to catch each breath and more, he looks down at his feet while I stare at him, lost for words, my tears still fall but I don't feel them, I'm numb to them, we stand in silence, time passing each minute without words spoken, I wipe away his tears with my hand and he recoils at first but leans into my hand as I cup his side cheek, he kisses my hand and holds it, I kiss away his tears on his eyes and cheeks, away from his jaw hoping that I can kiss the pain away, he shudders at my touch before reciprocating by kissing my tears away on my cheeks, eyes and then finally my lips, I don't object as I feel a blanket of security engulf me once again, I feel it overshadow my worries away and for the first time in months, it's gentle as we try to gain our confidence, trepidation at first but our hands find each other's body, once we find a rhythm we lose ourselves, our hands reminding each other of how long we have been lost to each other, how much we have missed each other, our kiss is less gentle now as it turns to urgency, frantic, as we feel that if we even stop for one second then it's over, we'll be lost, his hands take over my back still pinning me to the wall not letting me go as I wrap my hands around his neck pulling him down to me, our mouths fighting for dominance, though it's freezing outside the air has become hotter between us and before long he's removing his top revealing his bare chest that I have missed for so long, his hard chiselled abdomen with his soft golden hair on his chest with a snail trail running down below. I'm starting to get hot and his see's my lame attempt of trying to remove my tank before his rips it over my head and chucks it in the pile of where he's top lies, it's the only time we have to admire each other, to look at each other with love and longing as we think of all the time we have spent missing each other.

The only sounds we make is the whispers of I love you, over and over again as we remind each other, thinking that the words will be lost unless we do, it's not too long before Peeta lifts me up wrapping each leg of mine around his waist and taking me upstairs to my bedroom, I let it as I want him, I know I need him as much as he needs me, he's the fire that lights up my soul, he's the air I breath and what makes my heart beat. We go up to my room in the darkness throwing our minds, body and souls into the night…

HAHAHAH I'm evil! I have left with a cliff hanger as there is sooo much more to come! This one was particularly hard to right as emotionally there is so much tension between the two, so much unresolved issues. It's not the finish yet as I think they still have a lot to talk about and get off their chest (so to speak) if they want to have a better future, it can't just be that as that would be unrealistic, they need to talk about their future, what they need to work on, how and I still have a surprise for you guys! One that I think you won't see coming! It will be in the next chapter so it will be interesting. I hope you did enjoy this chapter as it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster to write and I feel like there are still some things to address, I hope you did enjoy it as there is more to come, please review, it always makes me smile to see my reviewers and guest reviewers, followers and so on have reviewed, I hope you have had a great New Year's


	17. Chapter 17

Hi guys! Thank you for your reviews and for people who have added me on their favourites and are following me, it means a lot to me. Here is the new chapter, now I know some of you were concerned by the last chapter that Peeta may have been putting the blame on Katniss and thought Kat would run into Peeta's arms but that part was only PART 1 of the confrontation, I had so much more but I thought if I submitted all of it would be soooooo long that I thought I would lose your interest so I wanted to have it in each chapter to make it realistic, Peeta has had his say, but we never heard from Katniss so this is where we are going to hear Katniss side, her feelings, how she felt about her best friend and husband, her feelings about having children and so forth. I hope you enjoy, it's always difficult trying to write something soooo emotional, I have personally never had something like this happen to me so it's always a bit of a challenge to get the right feelings and frame of mind. I hope you enjoy, please review, I would like to thank all my followers and favourites of course, you all mean a lot to me so thank you and it's humbling that you take the time to read my story. Again enjoy and please review

Rated M for mature language and adult content

All rights reserved for Suzanne Collins

I awake the next morning, sore and tired but good, really well. I open my eyes to the sun that cracks through the blinds of my window creeping into my bedroom, I hear the birds chirp and the sun is brighter, it's 10:13am, I look to the right of me and find Peeta not there though I hear noises downstairs in the kitchen, I stretch my body out like a cat feeling every tired muscle waken, it aches from the previous night before. Flashes of last night come running back into my mind, how we lost ourselves for one night and abandoned ourselves to each other's needs, our desires, worshipping each other's bodies whether it be slow and full of love and attention or fast and full of urgency as we remembered how much we loved and missed each other, underneath it all. I awake to see the aftermath of our love making last night, my clothes on the ground, half of the blankets on the floor; some items had fallen on the ground as we hurried into the room last night, I remove myself out of bed and take myself to the bathroom to look at my dishevelled self; my hair is messy and I have hickeys all over my neck and collarbone, I have a couple of bruises around my hips but a part of me doesn't care, this feeling I have is something I haven't felt for a long time, complete and full however there is still that niggling feeling at the back of mind telling me despite what happened, there is still underlining issues that need to be addressed, yes Peeta had his say and told me how he felt but I never got to say how I felt. I hop into my shower and feel the hot water cascade down my body as the steam and heat rises. Afterwards I dry off and get changed into a cool little cream tank and a pair of olive cargo shorts, I sort through my jewellery box, I have never been a fan of ostentatious things or bold jewellery but I glance upon the small pearl necklace that was given to me by my friend Bannock, I think of him from time to time and wonder how he is, I still regret how things ended, he was my friend and someone I could talk to, I shake the feeling away and place the necklace around my neck and braid my hair down the side letting the wispy bits fall around my face. I walk down the stairs passing Buttercup as I walk down and I inhale the scent of bacon and eggs as it lingers in the airs filling my lungs, I take a breath before walking into my own kitchen to see Peeta, I'm still nervous, there's still things that need to be said on my behalf, how do I discuss my feelings with Peeta? How do I discuss what I was doing in District 4? My feelings towards him and Delly? And Bannock! What about Bannock? Do I address this now or later? No, let's take things one step at a time. I walk in to see Peeta in cargo caramel shorts that rest at his knee and a white tee, he's scrambling some eggs and frying the bacon, he's already got the table set up with fresh orange juice and toast with jam and in a vase of water is a few dandelions, a symbol of hope and memories.

I take a few steps closer to which he hears, his smile beams at me, his teeth light up the room as he strides over to me and kisses me on the lips, he inhales my hair "Good morning beautiful". He throws a towel over his shoulder and holds out the kitchen chair for me to sit at the table; I sit to which again he kisses me on the back neck to which I smile.

"Good morning" I smile back

"Yes it is a good morning" he smiles brightly, he returns to the stovetop and dishes the eggs and bacon on two plates and brings them over to me as he sits to eats his own, he holds my hand and kisses it as we both eat in silence. I am nervous but I know I have to talk to him, it's now or never if we want to have a future with trust, I finally gain my courage.

"So um about last night?" he looks up at me smiling while he chews his food, his wipes his mouth on the napkin and hold my hand "yeah about last night, it was good" he smiles. I nod and chuckle nervously however I know we have to be serious.

"Yes and though yes while it was very good, there's still something things we need to talk about Peeta" he looks down at his plate and nods at me turning serious.

"I know, last night we got carried away but I know there's still things that we need to talk about that you need to talk about so please, I'm not going to stop you or interrupt you or even go against your word, we need to talk for our futures sake" he turns his chair to me and listen holding my hands in his. I feel anxiety rise in my throat, I'm trying to talk but my tongue is caught, I've never been good with words, that's Peeta's department. I inhale to try and calm my mind and self before I begin.

"Peeta , after everything we went through, the Games, Rebellion, losing Prim, losing Rue, having my own mother abandon me when the love of her life died, the thought of children has always terrified me, I always thought what if we have one and the Games are brought back, they would like nothing better than to place the child of the two victors in a sick game for us to watch, that would be our punishment or my worst thought was what if you died and I became like my mother, abandoning her children leaving them to fend for themselves as my depression swallows me?, I couldn't and was scared that would happen. Yet as time went by I felt like you were pushing the subject of children when it was obvious that I wasn't ready, I never said no to it but I wasn't ready even after 5 years!" He can hear the pleading in my voice, my attempt to make him understand, he sits there staring at his feet all the while holding my hands in his, nodding away.

"And then after a while I just felt that you were pushing and pushing and pushing to the point I was so exhausted, there was always a fight. After the Rebellion and I returned here I had no one, I returned to District 12, a place of ruin that took time to heal, with only Haymitch and Greasy Sae and little Caitlyn, everybody I loved left me alone, my mother couldn't even look at me and Gale? Gale left for a cushier job in 2, but it still hurt especially after losing Prim, then Delly came and then you and my life got so much better" I'm crying at this point as I know the words are hard, they are as hard to say as to hear "when you came back to me I knew my life would get better as we could heal together, and then we got married and shared a life and I had Delly as my best friend, I introduced her to Rory. So you can imagine how much it broke my heart to hear that the love of my life and my best friend had slept together and possibly conceived a child? If it was a one night stand with some other woman maybe we could have gotten past that but Delly? Two people who claimed to love and support me, it literally emotionally, mentally and physically destroyed me, I cried so hard I must have soaked the ground. I knew things were tense between us but did you hate me that much that you had to do that?" I ask him, by this time I can see his tears falling on the kitchen floor as he kisses the knuckles on my hands.

"I felt I had lost so many people in my life Peeta but as long as I had you I felt I would never fall because you were there to catch me, but this time you didn't, you let me fall. No matter how bad it was between us, sleeping with my best friend is no excuse, Peeta I love you, and we have been through so much together I understand but it's gonna take more than one night of passion to get us through this, you slept with my best friend and cheated on me, it's going to take a while for me to get that trust back, it's forgiven but not forgotten and the first step in accepting you back into my life is by excluding Delly, I can't have her after what she did, I can't, Rory will always be there as he's my friend but I can't allow Delly. And for you and me, I don't want to rush it, just one step at a time ok, but if this ever happens again….I'll leave Peeta and this time I won't come back" He's nodding at this point before kissing my tears away as he cups my face.

"Katniss it is my entire fault, despite what was going on, getting drunk and sleeping with someone else is no excuse, that didn't solve our problems it just enhanced it. You don't have to hate or remind me of the mistake I made, I will be doing that for the rest of my life, every day of your absence, it killed me Kat, I missed you smile, you voice, when you sang, I missed how you would braid you hair, your snores, the little things and I know at the end of the day I had myself to blame. I don't care if it takes a life time Katniss, I'm gonna be here every day, I'm not letting you go, I made a promise on our wedding day, for better and for worse and I stick by that, I love you, and that's not gonna change. Your my dandelion, you always have and always will be"

He kisses my hand once again and takes a single dandelion out of the vase, he snaps half of the stem off before placing it behind my ear, and he kisses me on the lips, slow and gentle. We finish our meal and agree to take things one step at a time and not rush it. He goes upstairs to the bathroom, after a while I go upstairs to find him in my bathroom shaving his beard, I'm not gonna lie, he looks bloody better without it, less like a grizzly bear, he finishes shaving and once again I see the old Peeta come back, he's cleaner, smoother and more handsome, that sweetness shines through, I hug him from behind resting my chin on the back of his shoulder "and what brought this on? He smiles at me, wiping his face with the towel, he faces me holding me around the waist "well I thought it would be best to go for a cleaner, smoother look" he smirks kissing me on the nose "speaking of things that are smooth and hair free, I noticed something last night when we were together, what's going on down there?" I blush at this and remember when I was in District 4, swimming every day in a bikini, you wanted to make sure you maintained yourself, I smirk at myself to which he notices "well when you go swimming every day in a bikini, one must pay attention of certain areas, I'm sorry if it freaked you out" he laughs

"no not all, I thought it was kind of sexy, now I just have to get the image of you in a bikini out of my head to control myself" I chuckle before we walk downstairs together, I ask him if he needs to go to the bakery today but he says he has called in a personal day, thankfully Trinity agreed to cover understanding that it was me and Peeta, we agree to spend the time getting to know each other and take baby steps, the first we agree is going on a lunch date to the meadow, not something big just a picnic together , Peeta decides to bring his art supplies to draw whilst I pack the basket.

"I'll be back in a second I just have to get some pencils and paper to draw the most beautiful creature I saw just recently" He smiles as he hugs me from behind, I'm setting the basket up as I look back at him, completely oblivious as to what he is talking about.

"And what would that be?"

"You of course" he smiles kissing me again on the lips, I smile at the notion of me being beautiful, Peeta has always held me on a pedestal and claimed I am an object of beauty, I have always just seen myself as just me, a Seam girl. He gets his keys off the table

"Speaking of beautiful things, what's this around your neck hm?" he touches the necklace around my neck, the pearl, the pearl Bannock gave me, oh God how do I explain this to him, well Bannock was just a friend to me, even though he saw me as more. I start to get nervous and panic a bit.

"A friend in District 4 gave it to me while I was there, it was a present, and it's said that pearls are unique and they thought it was suitable for me" I reply back, being careful not to go into too much detail.

"Well your friend was absolutely right about that, they're especially unique and beautiful too"

I feel bad about lying to him especially when we have agreed to be up front and honest but I don't want to spoil the mood right now. We take our belongings and walk together to the meadow, on the way Peeta stops by the bakery to pick up some mustard scrolls and a couple of things, when I enter, the staff go from chitter chatter talk to silence, looking at me and staring, Trinity whom I've known for years gives me a big beaming smile and comes from around the counter to hug me in a warm embrace to which it feels good, like home. After a while the other staff come up to me shaking my hand, wishing me welcome as I have not stepped foot into this place since I've returned. Peeta comes out of his office to see his staff bustled around and gives a shy smile, I'm greeted with smiles and welcome back and hugs, it's nice, we soon walk after that walking to the meadow. As we sit we talk about our life, Peeta asks me about how I was when I was with 4, I discuss with him the bad, the nights that I would wake in a cold sweat from the nightmares, the days I missed him worrying about him and the situation, he looks down and nods, kissing my temple. I inhale and absorb my scenery, the beautiful golden meadow with the sun beaming down, the wind picks up a bit carrying the scent of pine from the woods, I hear the birds chirping and see the squirrels, it's a scene that I did miss while I was away. But I don't just discuss the bad, I discuss the good, the beautiful things I saw for the first time in District 4, the array of different sea life, the food, the brighter colours of District 4, how I would swim every day in the blue ocean as the waves engulfed me, as I talk about the things I have witnessed Peeta sketches it down taking everything into consideration to try and capture what I saw. When he shows me I smile, it's exactly how I remembered it, the colours, the sky full of seagulls, the waves on the shore, it's beautiful. He asks me about the fish as he's genuinely interested not knowing what they are, I explain all of them, the salmon, the mackerel, the oysters, the shrimp and for the first time in a long time I'm reminded of why I love Peeta so much, this feeling that I have is complete, I know deep down I could have never given this all up.

"Katniss, I want to ask a question and I know I have no right to ask but if we are going to have a clean slate, we need to be open and trust each other, nothing secret, I just need to know" he looks at me seriously as I eat the raspberry tart he collected from the bakery.

"Were, were there any other men that were interested in you while you were in 4? I mean I know I have no right to ask but I just, I just want to know in case I have any competition?" he asks trying to diffuse the situation with light humour. I breathe in deep looking away, what do I say about Bannock? How much do I tell him? The man who for a brief moment made me feel alive, I look back at him and he can tell by my apprehension that there is something to tell.

"I never slept with anyone nor had a relationship for that matter, there was a man, Bannock, he was sweet, kind, intelligent, thoughtful, he was my friend, he was a lot like you but was a merchant of the fishing scene, he had feelings for me, feelings that I didn't reciprocate, we did kiss, well he kissed me, I didn't reciprocate, I was sad how things ended as he wanted something I couldn't offer him, because to tell you the truth I was hopelessly in love with someone else, despite everything he did to me" I say

He stares at the ground, listening to everything I have to say, he nods and I can see the tears he is trying to hold back as he looks at me kissing my temple "it's ok, you didn't do anything wrong, if I hadn't of slept with Delly, you wouldn't have left District 12 and gone to District 4 and thus kiss this Bannock so there's no real reason for me to be upset, you came back to me" he smiles at me and continues sketching.

We spend many days like this, we've agreed to take days one step at a time, we have our date nights and talk to each other, we don't skirt around the issue of kids, we've agreed to concentrate and focus on ourselves first and repairing our marriage before considering children. Peeta spends his nights with me as he wraps his arms around me like a blanket shielding me from the dangers of the world and my nightmares, we have lunches in the meadow and he continues to paint and sketch whilst I have gotten back into my daily ritual of hunting. Whenever Rory visits he makes sure to not bring Delly and Peeta agrees to leave to avoid any tension, he knows that the friendship between them is over but he still respects my friendship with him, I can see the longing in his eyes though when he sees the pictures I have around the house of myself, Rory and Maddie but I can't bring the topic up, I'm not ready and after everything we have been through I don't want to rock the boat just yet.

It's not until one cool night, myself and Peeta are making dinner and we are laughing, it's something that I have eased back into of late as me and Peeta have been slowly coming back together again, he wears denim cut offs and a cool shirt whilst I wear a green dress with my pearl from Bannock, I still haven't told Peeta who it's from, we've been going so good I don't want to wreck, we're laughing as he watches my pathetic attempts to fold the napkins, I try in vain to fold it like a bird but soon I am littered with crumpled napkins surrounding me, I watch as Peeta does it so effortlessly to which he laughs as he watches me try again and again and again, in the end I throw it at him to which he confiscates all my spare napkins and kisses me, it's short and sweet.

"You're wearing that necklace again, that friend must have been very important to you, it's pretty" he kisses me again on the lips "but not as pretty as you" he smiles and returns to putting more ingredients in the stew. I get up to help him before I hear a formal knock at my door, Peeta's ears pick up on this too, it could be just Rory, no wait I know his knock it's too heavy.

"Could be Haymitch" Peeta says puzzled, I shake my head

"No Haymitch just storms in, the alcohol has killed most of his brain cells including his manners" I walk to the door, is it Sae? Who else?

I open the door; it's not Greasy Sae who stands on my door, nor Rory, not even Delly.

My mouth just gapes open as I stare into the irises of the only other person I ever felt nervous about,

Green eyes boring into mine as I inhale the scent of sea and sand resonating off him, the man who is standing on my doorstep as my husband waits cooking in my kitchen.

Bannock

Ok guys I hope you liked it! My frame of mind is if Peeta and Katniss have decided to give their relationship another go, well I want it to be baby steps, after everything they've been through I want them to re-establish that trust and love and affection again, I wanted Katniss to have her say in this as at the end of the day, Peeta cheated on Katniss, there was no excuse for it and I wanted her to express how she felt, that despite one night of passion, there were still issues that needed to be addressed and Peeta had to realise that it was his fault. By bringing Bannock back into I wanted to shake things up and make Peeta realise that he has another person to contend with for Katniss's affections and that Bannock was like a band aid for Katniss for while she was wounded, he healed her and I kind of want Peeta to get that jealous feeling, to fight for her. I hope you guys liked it I truly do, it's already hard when you're writing about something you haven't personally ever experienced before so I do hope you enjoyed it. Please review! :-) it always makes me happy that you have taken the time to read my story, I know when I get home from work I like to read your stories to see what your imagination creates happy reading and please review


	18. Chapter 18

Hi guys! Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for reviewing and following, it means so much that you guys review especially since that last chapter was really hard for me to write I want to thank all those who take the time to read my stories including King Kubar, firefoxxe, lilyrosie7, and to those who have put it under favourites and follow, I would name all those to thank but it would go on soo long so in the meantime THANK YOU ALL! to Darcy who wanted to know what a mustard scroll was, the bakery up the road from me makes these AMAZING scrolls that have like tangy American mustard that is baked into it and it tastes SOOO good! I know it's hard to imagine but believe me, it's good! And to the guest who commented on my authors notes, thank you very much, I always like to explain where my train of thought is as I want my readers to understand where I'm coming from and to be on the same page as me as it means a lot. We now have Bannock back which is interesting, I will be making a chapter in Bannock's POV, I have written it as I wanted to know what did he do and think when Katniss left? This is a twist so I hope you enjoy, please review, it always makes me happy and again I hope you enjoy

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Rated M for Mature language

Oh my God, he's here; Bannock is on my door step whilst my husband is in the kitchen, oh God. Though I feel nervous, my breath and words are caught in my throat as I feel my breath hitch and all common sense leaves my mind leaving me dumbfounded, my feet feel glued to the floor as he stares at me with his green eyes, my heart beats faster and faster and I find it hard to swallow.

"Kat, are you all right?" Peeta yells from the kitchen as I stare dumbfounded at Bannock, he looks at me with a small smile on his face; he carries his rucksack over his shoulder, black jeans and a blue thick jumper

"Katniss" he smiles, I still don't know how to deal with this but my train of thought is interrupted as I hear Peeta coming to the door.

"Kat, everything all right here?" he looks between me and Bannock, when I resume my composure and smile

"Yes, um Peeta this is Bannock, my friend from District 4 and Bannock this is Peeta" I don't elaborate anymore as I feel the room start to get awkward, Peeta takes a long look at Bannock and shakes his hand to which Bannock does the same, it's courteous but you can tell there is something behind it but then that's how guys act, women would give each other death glares and call each other names and before you know it getting into a cat fight but guys they do it differently.

"Bannock I didn't know you were coming" I say

"I wanted to surprise you, you told me so much about your home and that I just wanted to visit you, see the place that you love so much but I can see I have interrupted your meal so I best be off" he turns to walk and starts to descend down the stairs

"no Bannock! Come inside Peeta has made too much stew for one night and besides I would hate to see it go to waste and you've made a long trip here, come" he looks between me and Peeta, while he smile and accepts my invitation, I can tell by the way Peeta has his jaw locked that is not comfortable. Bannock comes in and I take his bag into the lounge room, he looks around my place.

"It's a lovely home you have here Katniss, it's good to see you kept a lot of the memorabilia from District 4, something for you to remember" he genuinely smiles

Peeta makes his way to the kitchen to tend to the stew, I bring Bannock into the kitchen where we sit for our meal, in his hands he holds a large package, he notices my eyes fixed

"Oh I brought you a couple of things from 4" he sits down with me and allows me to open it, I open to see in a box a couple of drawings from little Flynn

"Awwwww Flynn, oh how I miss that little boy" I smile to which he does to

"you should see him he's growing every day, as soon as he heard that I was coming, he sat at the dinner table and drew all these pictures for his aunty Katniss, I told him they were all so good that I had to take them all which made him happy" I smile at this news. I open another part to see attached to an icepack some cold salmon and tuna and a couple of mangoes

"Oh Bannock, you remembered!" I hug him to which I see Peeta looking out of the corner of his eyes, I slink back quickly remembering Peeta is there.

"Of course, how could I forget how much you love salmon? You practically inhaled that every time we ate it?" I laugh with him before I look up to see Peeta serving our bowls, his jaw is tense and he is awfully quiet, we all sit and start to eat our meal in silence.

"So Bannock, you knew my Katniss quiet well" I listen to Peeta as he emphasizes the word _my_ Katniss, that possession, that word of belonging, I can see the difference in his behaviour towards Bannock already, the way he was with Caesar during the interviews in the Hunger Games, the confidence, the bravado, I knew it was an act but deep down, he still had those fears and insecurities, he was like a curious child inspecting a bug, he was trying to find out all he could on Bannock, just like he did on the other tributes during the games. A part of me thought it was cute, him getting jealous but another part was nervous as we were just making progress in our marriage.

"Oh yes, quiet well. While Katniss was in District 4 we would take walks on the beach and I showed her all the different types of fish and sea life, we would all hang out together, myself, Kat, Annie and Flynn, it's good to see you're still wearing the necklace I gave you" he smiles at me while spooning the stew in his mouth. I glance quickly up at Peeta who sits there staring at me now

"So you bought Katniss that lovely necklace" Peeta inquires looking quizzical

"Yes, didn't Katniss tell you? I thought it was appropriate for her, being unique and special and pretty" he smiles again. Peeta smiles just staring at Bannock who seems oblivious, while his face is smiling I can tell his feelings are brewing. We finish our meal to which Peeta serves up some raspberry tartlets with vanilla bean cream, before long myself and Bannock are rehashing memories from District 4 and sharing stories, smiling and laughing. I feel guilty sometimes as I snap out of not realising what I'm doing as my husband cleans up in the back ground, silent.

"So Bannock, where are you staying?" I ask

He suddenly goes red and blushes a crimson colour as I realise he was intending on staying with me, he looks down at his thumbs nervously.

"Oh um, I saw a bed and breakfast whilst on my way here, I know it's last minute but I'm hoping they will be kind enough to accept a last minute reservation"

"No, we couldn't let you do that, you can stay here can't he Peeta?" I look at Peeta whose jaw is stiff as he looks at me

"no, no I couldn't do that, I don't want to intrude on your privacy, and really Katniss it's ok" he warmly smiles at me, rubbing my hand in assurance on the table to which Peeta sees.

"Well you can't go to that B'n'B it's too overpriced for a visitor, they will know you're from out of town and charge you extra" I say to him

"Of course we can't leave you to that Bannock, why don't you take my house? I have plenty of room there, I hardly use it anyway as I sleep here. With Kat" Peeta smiles at Bannock but I can tell it is a tense smile, a forced smile that Bannock seems oblivious to. I quickly clear my throat and smile at him agreeing.

"That sounds like a great idea Peeta" Bannock smiles and shakes Peeta's hand

"Thank you Peeta, for your lovely dinner and generosity"

"Well it's the least I could do, you took such good care of my Katniss after all" there we go again with the emphasis on my Katniss. I walk Bannock out as we talk casually, the air is crisp and cool and night has approached us, the owl's hoot in the back ground to which Bannock smiles at, he's never seen or heard the owls so close before, just heard of them in books. I hear Peeta walking behind us as we enter Peeta's house, Peeta takes him upstairs to help with his belongings and take him to the guest room. We wish him goodnight and I tell him to come over to our next morning for breakfast. Though Peeta's house is so close to mine the walk back to my house feels like eternity as we walk in silence, we enter with each other not even addressing the elephant in the room. I stand there awkward in the hallway waiting for his questions, waiting for an argument but he simply takes off his jumper and walks upstairs to our bedroom, Peeta when he was angry always addressed the issue, however quiet angry Peeta was scarier.

I follow him soon after going into our bedroom, he quietly removed his shirt putting on a cotton white singlet that emphasises his muscular frame and shoulders and his grey tracksuit pyjama pants, I walks past him undressing as I get into my pyjamas as we still don't talk to each other, it's not until a further 20 minutes when I come out from the bathroom that he speaks.

"Were you even going to tell me?" he sits on the edge of the bed, his head bowed down and his arms resting on his knees, he doesn't shout or yell, his voice is calm but there so much emotion behind it.

I sit on my side of the bed, turning away from him not knowing how to respond, I sigh

"How was I supposed to know he was coming? It was as much a shock to me as it was to you" I take my watch off throwing it on my bedside table before going under the covers. I don't bother with any pyjama pants as I slink in wearing my white cotton panties and grey tank top. Going to bed with a headache right before sleep was not on my list tonight.

"You know what I'm talking about Katniss" he looks at me with hurt and anger in his eyes as he stares at my necklace.

"It's just a present from a friend that's all it is" I sigh again, exhausted physically and mentally already.

"Are you sure that's all it is Kat? Because this was the man you told me wanted something with you, the same man who kissed you and after all this time you have worn his necklace EVERYDAY without telling me! He's not interested in being your friend Katniss, if he was he wouldn't travel all this way to another District like this, a guy doesn't travel all the way to another District for a girl without having hope and feelings for her" he looks away from me again and stares at his feet

"Peeta I told you to your face, there is NOTHING between me and Bannock, I DON'T have feelings for him, he's just a friend who helped me when I was low, when I was down and felt so alone, he helped me Peeta that's all that is, there's no romantic feeling between us!" as I say this to him I reach up and hug him from behind kissing his ears and neck to reassure him to which he flinches away from it.

"I thought we made a promise Kat not to keep secrets from each other? To be honest, this man travelled here with an intention on being more than just friends with you Kat and you can't even see it"

As he says this he gets up out of bed before looking at me once more.

"If there is no romantic feeling between you what so ever, then why have you worn his necklace every day" after that he leaves me going into one of the guest rooms to sleep, I hear the door slam as I sit on my bed in tears, I roll over and turn the lights off crying myself to sleep and wonder, will Peeta and me always be torn? Will our lives be ever whole? Will I always remain the Girl on Fire who in the end, just burnt out.

I really hope you enjoyed it! I so apologize for not writing for some time but work has been CRAZY! I'm entering stage 2 now of their relationship which will be interesting. What I wanted to show in regards to Katniss wearing the necklace is that I thought it was symbolic of the past and how she has never let the past go, whether it be Prims death or what Gale did to her, her strained relationship with her mother, Peeta's mistake etc. etc. and now she is wearing Bannocks necklace, how I wanted to portray it is that she isn't letting go of the past so how can they have a successful future if she doesn't let it go? There's no point in that toxic energy and also Bannock helped her a lot during her stay in District 4, he was like a band aid, he healed her and that necklace is like a safety blanket, she feels reassured. But also I want to show to Peeta that yes, there was another man interested in her, a man who is a lot like Peeta, who is willing to fight for Katniss and Peeta has always said he would fight for her so this is where we will see it, I want to expose a bit of that jealous side to him, in the past his resentment was to Katniss in regards to Katniss feelings and the competition of Gale, now we have Bannock and we will approach this, Katniss has to be honest, open and ready to let go of the past which I think is needed in their relationship. Again thank you so much for taking the time to read my little story, it truly makes my days and astounds me that I have the coolest readers so thank you all


	19. Chapter 19

Hello my faithful readers! Thank you soo much for your continuing support and reviews, it means so much to me, have I mentioned you guys are awesome?! Well here is the new chapter of my story, I want to thank all my reviewers and people who have given me support, including KingsKubar, Anne-luy, Hookedonpeeta, bchampagne, Kitkatlogan, VMars lover, goldensnitch1, Catoloverxclovelover and the many more, if I have not mentioned you, do not worry, all of you are stars who have brightened up my day here is a collection of thoughts from our characters before we lead to a confrontation. Please review, I hope you enjoy it! :-)

Rated M

All rights belong to Suzanne Collins:

BANNOCK POV:

I miss her, God I miss her, its funny how everything has changed since she left, colours seem dull, tastes seem bland, though the sun shines and the water glistens, all of it seems dark in my eyes. I remember the day I was told she was gone, I had felt bad the way things had ended between us that night, I felt guilty so I went back to talk to her but that's when Annie told me she left, left to go back to him, he cheated on her?! He lied, I didn't understand, I just knew that my heart ached and my insides were all torn up like someone was squeezing them and I couldn't breathe. Days went passed turning into weeks and every day seemed a little less brighter, my walks along the beach were cold and empty, my swims without her were chilling as the water sometimes, I opened up an oyster one day to find a pearl lying in there and though it was small and pretty, it wasn't as beautiful as the one I gave her, wasn't as unique. God it was like a sickness, a disease that had crawled underneath my skin and had gone right through to my bones, aching. I missed her laugh, her smile, her chocolate curls and her olive skin, the way we would talk, she was an enigma, a mystery that I couldn't identify but yet I yearned to learn more about, I craved her. The days were a little less bright and I couldn't get out of my funk, it felt like I had a cloud looming over me and she was my sunshine. I walk to work every day and look at the train station and stop, I walk up to the booth where they sell the tickets and look through the brochures, the ones that highlight each district; The highlights of the Capital, the lights and shiny people, then there's District one, very much the same, then there's 11, known as the agricultural district and then I spot one on 12, I look through the brochure flicking through the pages and look and what she has seen, the forest, the birds, the deers, the colours of brown and green. I think some more and wonder, it's been some time now, some months but still I can't get her out of my head, I miss her but what choice do I have? Do I stay in 4 and with each day wonder what could have been? Or do I take a chance and follow her?

I choose the latter. I take the brochure and make my way to Annie's. Once I get there I buzz from down stairs to which she lets me enter, she kindly lets me in and serves me a cup of tea and we catch up and talk before I muster up the courage to ask her what I came here for.

"So, have you heard from Kat?" I inquire

Without looking up at me she nods "she's in 12, she's doing fine" she rests the kettle on the stove and sets the tea on the table with some biscuits

"You know Annie, I'm uh thinking of visiting Kat in 12? And I was just wondering if you had her address?" I ask as I sip my tea.

She sighs and breathes in deep before looking up at me "Bannock, I'm not sure that's a good idea, you're only setting yourself up for more hurt, from what I've heard Kat and Peet are trying, it's been long but they are genuinely trying, I'm not sure what you think you're gonna achieve" she rests her hand on mine rubbing it reassuringly.

"please Bannock, I don't want to sound bad, it's just" she looks down at her own tea "I just don't want to see any more people I love get hurt" she looks up at me. I sigh and realise that I have a good friend looking out for me.

"I know Annie, but I can't go on like this every day without knowing, I just need to try at least" I look at her with earnest hoping she can understand. She nods and rises from her seat going to her desk in the corner, she removes her address book and a slip of paper scribbling down what I think is Katniss's address, she comes back and hands it to me to which I tuck it into my pocket thanking her, she nods and smiles warmly at me.

"I just hope that you find something, whether it be closure, answers, just be prepared ok?"

I nod kindly to her, before finishing my tea as I feel the anxious nerves of what awaits for me.

PEETA'S POV:

So, he was here. Bannock was here. The one who kissed her, the one who shared time with her in 4 and now I find out tonight the one who gave her that necklace. I collapse on the bed in the spare room, I can hear her crying in the next room and I shut my eyes wincing, not only at my pain but hers, I didn't mean to sound like a jerk but why is he here? I mean it's pretty obvious, how can she not see it?! But then again it's Katniss, she's always been pretty oblivious to this kind of area and she is in denial, denial is a pretty powerful thing, is she scared? Scared of what Bannock's surprise visit may bring to her? I don't even know anymore, all night I have been going over this, over and over again in my mind trying to analyse and make sense, I admit I feel pretty jealous of him, he knows things about her that I didn't, like how much she loved salmon, how excited she looked when she saw that, that little gesture and how excited she was, like a child that had been given a cookie. I feel the ache in the back of my mind and turn the lamp off; I can faintly hear her sobs in the next room, I turn on my side willing myself to go to sleep as I enter a dream world, where me and Katniss are free from trouble.

I wake up at 4:00am though I don't feel rested, last night was a terrible night's sleep, normally I would wake up either spooned with Katniss or wake up with her asleep on my chest but this morning I wake up cold and alone. I get out of bed and make my way to our bedroom , I quietly open the door to see a sleeping Kat, it's dark outside and I walk softly into our room though with her huntress ears she would probably hear me, I grab my work clothes and decide to take a shower in the guest bathroom, I don't want to wake her, last night was a stressful night for the both of us. Once I've showered with the hot water waking me for a long day ahead of me, I get going to work but not before I stop by our bedroom again, I always make a point that no matter what, no matter what fight or how angry we are, I will always tell her how much I love, I don't want her to forget. I quietly walk in and watch over her, she's so safe and sound wrapped up like a cocoon in the blanket, I notice a strand of hair fallen on her perfect face and smooth it back, I kiss her ear and whisper to her that I love her before leaving in the darkness.

KATNISS POV

I wake to the sounds of birds chirping outside, it's drizzly and raining but soothing, the rain pounds lightly on our roof sounding like a group of tap dancers dancing above, the window that was left ajar brings in the fresh air with the scent of rain, clean and fresh. I wake to this sound and spread my arms feeling for Peeta but he is not there, I faintly remember him coming in early in the morning and kissing me on the ear whispering I love you, it hurts that we were getting so far and now we have this set back. I bring myself out of bed, removing myself from the covers, I look at myself in the mirror before jumping into the shower, hot steaming water hits my skin jolting me into full consciousness, I let the water wash away my troubles as I know Bannock will be here soon. I dress in a powder blue shirt with black skinny leg pants with cargo pockets on the side, I put on my black boots and walk down the stairs, I pass by Buttercup who lazily looks up at me not even bothering to do his daily hiss and glare. I walk to the kitchen getting breakfast started, I decide to cook a nice hot meal, more than usual; little sausages, grilled tomatoes and scrambled eggs, I decide to also add some of the salmon that Bannock brought, inhaling the smell as I missed this, already my mouth waters at the sight of it. I hear a light knock at my door and open it to see Bannock. He wears a nice grey jumper and lack jeans, he hugs me as he enters wiping the droplets of rain from his jumper, we sit to eat our breakfast as I place our meal on the table.

"So is Peeta here?" he asks

"No, no he had to go to work early" I awkwardly smile, concealing my pain.

"I understand, working as a merchant means you have to get up earlier than the birds" he smiles at me as he pours me a juice and I smile genuinely. We talk about what we can do today with the weather being how it is, we decide though it's drizzly we can still go to the meadow where I can show him the woods. We walk together through the weather deciding if it gets worse we will have to go back, I show him the meadow, though it's not as nice as when it's sunny and you can see the golden glow, it's still beautiful as you inhale the fresh pine and smell of rain. I wear my heavy rain coat and wear my hair out, it's great to see Bannock smile as he takes in the beauty of 12 and the woods, looking around; the smile is genuine as he has never seen this before other than in books. We walk around and I explain to him about how to set snares and how to trap animals, a 101 in basic hunting, he seems genuinely interested and I can't help but feel a flicker of guilt as I think of Peeta, Peeta who is at work, working hard at the bakery and what am I doing here? Though I am now back with Peeta and we are working hard on our marriage I can't help but question myself, am I cheating on Peeta? Is this considered cheating? Though Peeta physically cheated on me and you can't compare, is this emotional cheating? Sharing my time with another man and feeling this relaxed? I start to question my feelings, feeling doubt, anxiety, confusion, I'm not sure. He talks to me about his business, how it's flourishing, we sit on a log and even though it's damp we don't care, once the rain gets a bit heavier we decide to walk back, we walk through the centre where I show him the hub, I introduce him to the townspeople whom I know and they seem genuinely fascinated by my new friend and listen in awe as he talks about the life and wonders of District 4.

He sits at Greasy's to a bowl of stew, I tell him that I'm just going somewhere for a few minutes to which he nods, it's ok though, he has people surrounded by him as they listen to his tales. I walk to the bakery to which I feel the warm air engulf me like a blanket and the warm air hit my face, the scent of freshly cooked bread lingers in the air, there's nothing better than freshly cooked warm bread that's buttered on cold days like this, I greet Trinity who's serving at the counter who smiles at me , I make my way to the back where the rest of the other employees are who greet and smile at me while they are busy with work, I spot Peeta who has his back to me, I see him pounding away on some dough, I can see his muscles are tense and his jaw is shut tight, I make my way slowly to him hugging him from behind and kissing him on the back, he freezes at my touch and begins to shape the dough, he doesn't respond which breaks my heart a little bit, I look around to make sure that no one is paying attention, I still clutch onto him like a child who clutches onto a bear.

"You still angry at me?" I ask

He freezes again

"I'm not angry Katniss, just hurt" he continues to pound the dough

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the necklace Peeta I just" I inhale his scent as I try to find the right words to continue.

"Things were going so well between us I didn't want to ruin it" I whisper

"Keeping this from me is like keeping the indiscretion I had with Delly from you" he looks at me with sad eyes "I know it's not the same, I slept with Delly I know, I remind myself of the mistake I made every day but you wearing the necklace everyday makes me feel, it makes me feel" he cuts himself short.

"Tell me"

He inhales deeply before continuing "It makes me feel like you doubt us, our marriage. Like you're still deciding on whether or not to stay, Kat I'm just scared that I'm gonna wake up one day and you're not gonna be here again, and then where am I gonna be Kat?" he looks back at the counter clearing some of the utensils. It makes me think of him, I never thought what was going through his mind, his fears, his concerns, I just thought of mine. I rub his back and kiss him on the cheek.

"Peeta, I came back for you, for YOU" I whisper to which he closes his eyes "if I truly loved Bannock the way I love you, I would have never come home. I would have never stepped foot on that train and you would have never seen me again. I came back home to you, you're my dandelion, my hope in the cold winter months, my hope in the spring, you're my Peeta" Peeta looks at me with his sad blue eyes before kissing me on the nose.

"I have to go back to work but I'll see you when I get home ok" he smiles a bit more to which I kiss him back. As I leave the bakery and head back to the Hub to meet Bannock I ponder on the choice I must make, whilst I love Bannock as my friend as everything he has done for me, I remind myself of the sacrifices Peeta has made and the journey we have come far along to be together, though I hate to admit it, I am the mockingjay and Peeta is the wind that makes my heart and mind.

I hope you guys enjoyed it; this was a series of thoughts from our characters from the last chapter, what was Peeta thinking? What was he feeling? What was Katniss thinking? What was she feeling? How about Bannock? What was his frame of mind when Katniss left? Were his feelings something more? I intend to update another chapter in the next 3 days where there will be a confrontation; we will see a jealous Peeta and some more understanding between the two, this is leading to something special that I have had in mind for you guys so I do hope you like it, please review, it always makes me smile and again thank you all for your support, I am truly humbled by it, I truly believe that I have the greatest readers


	20. Chapter 20

Hi Guys! Thank you for all your reviews and follows and to the people who have put me under favourite, it makes me smile I want to thank the following for being so loyal PinkiePie123, CatnipGirlOnFire, Kitkatlogan, NeedStories, Hookedonpeeta, VMars lover, jennaaaa, Catoloverxclovelover and the many more, I love you all I hope you enjoy, please review and again I hope you enjoy

Rated M

All rights belong to Suzanne Collins

Katniss POV:

It's so hard to talk to Bannock, he's been enjoying himself so much being here in 12 and to be honest I have enjoyed it to, our walks to the meadow, our lunch dates while Peeta's been at work, how we reminisce, it's just us 2 friends but I know deep down whilst I look at him like a friend, he sees something more and it's unfair. Peeta has remained silent, it's been 4 day's since I told him that I would always choose him over Bannock and while I always will, I know from his perspective it must look different. Peeta has closed himself off more towards me, sometimes he doesn't even come to mine for dinner, he visits me in the morning for a chaste kiss and to bring me bread but then leaves, I visit him at the bakery when he seems more relaxed there but then the happiness dies and he makes the excuse he needs to get back to work. Tonight Bannock is making dinner, I don't know exactly when he had in mind to go home, I don't want to ask in case it's too rude but I need to know, tonight he's making salmon and mango salsa, my favourite; I wear a light green dress with my hair down and a pair of sandals while he wears a crisp blue shirt with the sleeve rolled up to his elbows. I feel guilty as it is near 6 and Peeta is not home to have dinner with me, I miss him. I walk to the door and wait on my porch for a little while Bannock is making dinner, I make the excuse that I just needed some air from the onions, I wait until I can see Peeta walking up Victors Village, he's not there, my train of thought is interrupted as I see Haymitch approaching, he sways from side to side and I look at his drunken state, I've seen him worse so to my knowledge it looks like he's only had maybe 3 bottles of white liquor instead of his usual 5-6. He walks up to leaning against the railing, he say's nothing but stares at me until I break the silence "what is it Haymitch?" I don't even look at him as the words come out of my mouth.

"You know the day you two got married, I thought to myself 'Finally, this drama ends' I thought this shit had ended between you two, that you finally got your sense, made up your mind and would STOP jerking him around, I thought he wouldn't have to worry about Gale anymore. But 5 years later you're doing it again instead it's not Gale it's just some other poor dumb bastard waiting to get his heart ripped out" He's not yelling at me, in fact it's more the same tone he had during when he used to mentor us in the Games, when he would ridicule me and act like a condescending ass.

"What the hell are you talking about Haymitch? What have I DONE?" I ask incredulously

"What haven't you done? Everything that has happened is in the past, you have a chance to work shit out, a new beginning but it's never good enough for you is it? Yes he cheated on you, yes it hurt, love normally does hurt and the fact that it hurt you so bad that you had to escape to another District is proof enough because deep down you're afraid that you actually might love him more than he loves you" I stare at him so more not knowing what to say, he stops looking at me and eventually looks at the entrance of Victors Village to which I stare to, Peeta slowly makes his way up the street, his head down.

"And there is his right now, Bannock's a sweet kid and yeah he was there but Peeta has been there a lot more than Bannock" Haymitch looks at me before stumbling down the stairs towards his own house. I hated this, I hated it when Haymitch was right, I knew what he was saying, that I had to speak the truth to Bannock, it was only fair, what I was doing wasn't right no matter how good it felt, was I selfish to want to have my cake and eat it too? I see Peeta who hasn't spotted me yet and walk to him; he looks up with a shy smile on his face, he looks tired and weary from a long day.

"Hey"

"Hey"

We stand there in awkward silence, the night air picking up as the trees move in the wind, the leaves rustle on the ground and the owls in the background hoot to each.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come to dinner. There's too much food for me tonight, Bannock's made a lot and it would be nice to see you there?" He looks at the ground again

"Um, I'm not sure Katniss, you have a guest there and all" he attempts to walk around me before I grab his arm

"Peeta please, you are my husband after all" I ask, more beg him with pleading eyes

"Am I?" He looks at me, as if confirming

"Of course you are" He looks down again before nodding, we both walk home where he enters, he looks sceptical as if wondering if this was a good idea.

"You took your time, did the onion get you that badly" Bannocks smile quickly disappears when he sees Peeta in the doorway, it quickly comes back as he is placing the food on the table

"No, I just saw Peeta coming up" Peeta smiles before walking up the stairs to our bedroom and getting dressed, I hear him turn the shower on before I remove one of Peeta's beautiful pies from the fridge, apple and raspberry and whip up some vanilla bean cream. The air has gone silent as I know Bannock was hoping it would be me and him tonight. I make light of the situation and make light conversation telling him that dinner smells good and how I've missed salmon so much.

Peeta comes back down in a pair of jeans with his hair wet, slicked back and a black V-neck long sleeve t-shirt, he sits down next to me holding my hand, Bannock sits across from me as we eat our meal. The silence is deafening as I feel tension in the room like a cloud enveloping us, which makes it harder for me to make the conversation.

"So Peeta how was work?"

Peeta goes into detail about the pastries he has been making, always polite and a charmer, he talks about the chocolate croissant he made and how popular it was today. He talks about considering expanding the bakery and having it as a café as well with tables and chairs; he's got the money now. I nod excitedly, more so than usual, Bannock sits there silently as he listens taking everything in.

I start a topic with Bannock about his business to but "Yes, business is well in 4, my family is expanding our business to, we're thinking of opening our own little sea food restaurant, nothing too fancy but somewhere nice to try new things, eat fresh seafood" I suddenly take a deep breath in whilst still smiling, I feel like this is a verbal cockfight between the two, seeing who has the most and can boast about their business, I'm about to start something new when I spill my red wine all over my dress "Oh shoot" I've suddenly got Peeta's hands wiping my chest and Bannock is handing me a serviette, Peeta quickly glances at Bannock to which Bannock takes his seat again.

"It's ok, I'll just soak it and put something else on, excuse me" I quickly go upstairs and change into a lavender dress with a white ribbon at the top, it is soft cotton and has a white little bow at the chest, I know that this dress always made Peeta go crazy and he said he used to love seeing me in it. I soak my dress and quickly get the stain out, as I just spilled it, the stain comes out but I leave it to soak overnight. I make my way downstairs and hear nothing at first, I'm nervous about how this is going as they don't speak to each other, how much worse is this night gonna get? I slowly make my way downstairs before I hear them

"So" Bannock says

"Yeah" Peeta replies

More silence. I hear Bannock inhale in before he starts is conversation

"So Peeta, there always been this one thing that I have wanted to ask you, that I've been dying to know"

There's more silence as I wait in the darkness of my landing

"Why. Just why?"

"What are you asking?" I can hear in the tone Peeta is bored and could care less on what Bannock is asking, all pretences have gone since I left the room.

"Why would you cheat on that? Don't get me wrong I know you had your problems from what Kat told me, but to cheat on her? Was it really that worth it? There wasn't a day when I couldn't stop thinking of her"

I stand there shocked, I'm pretty sure at this point that in a second I will be running to Haymitch's asking him to pull apart two grown men who are fighting in my kitchen but instead I get the opposite.

I hear Peeta inhale deeply before talking "you're right, it really wasn't that worth it but you're wrong if you think you can begin to understand what happened in our marriage" I hear Peeta snipe back, an edge of aggression in is tone.

A couple of second pass by in silence before one of them begins again.

"You know that I'm fighting for her, I didn't come here to lose" Bannock retorts

"I know Kat probably told you about our history; the Games, the Quell, Rebellion and after. Before the Games, I loved her enough to get beaten by my mother when I threw bread to her so she wouldn't starve" I can hear him scraping his plate as he talks to Bannock, eating at the same time.

"I lost my leg for her during the Games and protected her, during the Quell, my heart stopped beating and I got kidnapped by the Capitol who every hour abused and tortured me, hijacked me, after the Rebellion even though I was still getting episodes I still came back for her, so you see where I'm going with this Bannock? I've had my leg taken off by a sword wielding psycho, I had my heart stopped by a force field, I had an entire Capitol and a power hungry President torture me on a daily basis using tracker jacker venom and yet I'm still here, they tried to get rid of me yet I'm still here" It's scary at first how he talks, there's no rise in temper, just certainty, casual as if he was talking about the weather with someone, it's a couple of more seconds when I hear Peeta get up from his seat to take his plate to the sink.

"Now if they couldn't even kill me what makes you think that you can even HURT me" Peeta retorts. I close my eyes on the landing as I let the words sink in on everything that Peeta has done for me; lost a leg, tortured, brainwashed, we had been through so much together and yet we survived. We survived the chaos and fire of a Rebellion and yet home life was trying to tear us apart? I knew then with 100% certainty that tomorrow would be the day I speak with Bannock, I came down stairs to see a now smiling Bannock and Peeta, and the pretences were up again for my sake. I sat between them as we ate desert to what I considered to be the last supper.

Peeta goes to bed early that night, saying he was tired from work, he goes to bed after Bannock leaves though, not wanting to leave him with me. I clean up afterwards and make way for bed afterwards, I get changed into my comfy cotton pyjama pants and white singlet, I see Peeta has already gone to sleep as I slide beside him. He's bare chested which is what I love to see, I see his chest rise with every breath he takes and it takes my breath away to, he so peaceful, so happy in this state. I cuddle up to him before turning the light off, I cuddle into his chest hearing the sounds of his heartbeat and listen as if it is a lullaby, soothingly and calmly drifting me to sleep. I sleep soundly that night before my nightmares take me again. I dream of me and Peeta in the meadow, we're so happy, I'm lying on the ground before fog comes rolling in and I can't see him. I can hear him but can't find him the white fog, I scream and scream and can hear him cry for me, he can't find me and I crumble in my spot and cry, I'm so lost without him. I wake up dripping with sweat and shaking, Peeta is over me, holding, calming me down, he holds me in his arms as I cry as he kisses my forehead. He tells me over and over again how he's here, he's here. I look up at him and kiss him with urgency, realising I don't ever want to let him go, I don't want to be in a place where I can't find him, He takes my hands away and kisses my eyes.

"Let's just go to sleep Kat, ok? You've had a bad dream" I shake my head

"Please, I just want you right now, please" He nods before kissing me back, Peeta and I make love three times that night and I sleep feeling secure and safe and sound. I fall asleep in his arms naked, he stroked my arm to get me to sleep. When I wake at first I see the morning sunlight hitting the room, it's 9:30, I feel guilty as I slept in. I panic as Peeta is not there, I get up, my heart skips beats and I panic before seeing the note left on the bedside table;

_Katniss_

_DON'T PANIC!_

_I just had to go to work but you looked so soundly asleep I didn't have the heart to wake you. I will be home for lunch though, remember I love you so so much and I'm not going anywhere. _

_P_

I look at his note and smile. I stretch my aching limbs and go to take a shower. I wear a white little blouse and green cargo pants before making my way downstairs. Peeta left me a bowl of fruit and milk in the fridge with some oats, I drink my juice before going over to have the TALK with Bannock. I slip on my shoes and open the door to see Bannock already sitting on the porch.

"Bannock, how long have you been sitting here for ? You should have knocked I'm so sorry"

He smiles before waving his hand "its ok, I thought you could use the sleep, you did have a big night after all" he looks at me

I ponder for a second not knowing what he's talking about.

"You uh left the window open, it was a bit hard NOT to hear"

I die a little inside as I am mortified that someone heard us. "Oh God Bannock I am so sorry" I place my head in my hands, embarrassed and mortified hoping there was a hole somewhere to crawl into.

He laughs before shaking his head "its ok Katniss, I just moved to a different room" We're silent for a few seconds before he talks again.

"You know, when I was switching rooms last night I was trying to find the other guest room when I accidentally went into Peeta's art room. I looked at all his painting and there were some beautiful ones, ones of the meadow we visited, ones of birds and sunflowers but the ones that took my breath away were the paintings that were all of you. Just you" He say's looking out, not at me.

"That's when I realised how much Peeta loved you, I see on the back of every painting he dates it and he painted a lot while you were away Kat. I saw in those paintings his hurt, his anger but most of all his love, for you."

I start to feel like I didn't have to bother starting the talk, Bannock has already started it for me. "It's hard not to hate the guy, I think I would actually like him if we weren't both after the same thing" He looks at me smiling, I feel the hot stings of my tears coming down my face, the sinking feeling as I hear the truth.

"That's when I realised that as much as I love you, and as much as I envy him and don't like what he did to you; he truly does love you, you only have to look at the way he stares at you to see that, it's like a blind person seeing the sunlight for the first time" He turns to me before hugging me before I start crying, he turns to me cupping my face.

"Your face is too pretty to cry. I know how hard it is for you to talk about your feelings so I'm gonna do it ok, I know you love him don't you?" I nod "you deserve someone whose going to make you so happy Bannock". He smiles once more before I see his eyes rimming red "Don't be sorry for loving someone Kat, I'm just sorry that person isn't me" He smiles before kissing my hands and smiling. He picks up his bags before making his way down out of Victors Village towards the train station. I sit on my porch and cry my eyes out as a soft wind picks up, for the loss of a loved one, though I didn't love him in that way, I did love him deeply as my friend, my friend that I will miss. How he came into my life as soft and swiftly as the wind here in District 12

There you go, another chapter! I feel that Bannock was the push Katniss needed in resolving her trust issues what with Haymitch having a word with her and her hearing the discussion between Bannock and Peeta. She needs to choose and realise her feelings, she can't deny them and even though Haymitch might have been a bit rude, I don't think it's in his nature to be sweetness and light. Though I love the character of Bannock and he was an instrumental tool in the helping of Katniss's healing, she's ready to venture forth now WITH PEETA. I still have my surprise in the future and I REALLY hope you guys liked this chapter, I wanted to show the masculine side of Peeta that he was her husband and he has no intentions of going anywhere, like he said, he has fought all those obstacles and yet he's still there so this is nothing to him. Please review, I will be updating in a couple of days' time for you guys, I hope you enjoy and again please review


	21. Chapter 21

Hi guys! Im SOOOO SORRY for the absence, my prize, my baby, my laptop that is an extension of me had an accident, I accidentally dropped it one day and the screen smashed! I had to wait 2 weeks before my computer guy came back from his holidays to fix it as I trusted no one but him, I swear I had withdrawal symptoms! Well here is the next chapter! Yay, we are starting to get closer to the conclusion, I still have a trick up my sleeve, the next couple of chapters will be quicker as my computer is fixed now, I want to thank all my readers who have been following me and have been loyal, all of you are fantastic! I hope you enjoy and please review! It always brings a smile on my face

Rated M for mature content

All rights belong to Suzanne Collins

It's been weeks now since the departure of Bannock and my life felt a little bit sad, a friend that I had, an important person was there at a time when I was so low, was gone. The weather had changed now to colder as we entered in our 3rd week of our cold snap, the days were long and freezing making hunting harder, though I did not have to ever worry about food it was nice feeling that I still had a purpose to some of the townsfolk in the village. The thunder clouds would roll in bringing sheaths of rain as it hit our roofs and the soft earth hard, the thunder would sound like a giants roaring from the clouds above, the nights and days sometimes would be so dark you could hardly see your neighbour's yard as the harsh, freezing buckets of rain would pour down soaking us all. Though despite the dreary weather and dark days outside, it was a contrast to what was happening inside this house with Peeta and me. The day Bannock left Peeta found me on the porch a mess; my eyes were red and puffy from crying so hard. He didn't say anything, he just held me and kissed me on the forehead, the more time that passed the more I saw where he was coming from, I still didn't trust Delly and could never forgive her for the trust that was broken and was quite clear to Peeta that she was never to be back in our lives to which he accepted so how could we move on if I still kept Bannock in my life? How would he feel? I was being a hypocrite. With me and Peeta now, life was getting better, the days were brighter and our marriage was coming along well, I felt bad sometimes having him go to work in the freezing cold with his leg, I know the cold would make his leg ache and working on it all day was painful which is why I would always make sure dinner was ready for him when he came home and also so I could rub soothing cream into his leg in front of our fireplace, keeping him warm from the cold weather. But that's how our relationship always was, we would always protect each other; yes we fought sometimes as we had habits that annoyed each other, but the making up was the best thing afterwards, I felt guilty at first that sometimes I would deliberately do something to annoy Peeta like leave the dishes in the sink just so we could have a little fight that would lead to great make up sex, again I felt guilty at first but that guilt soon left as I thought "worth it".

Today I'm getting the house ready for both Annie and Flynn, it was actually Peeta who suggested they come to visit as he knew I was missing them, and Peeta was at the bakery working and didn't want me to walk all the way to the train station in the rain so he sent Haymitch instead to pick them up. I was doing the finishing touches the room Flynn would be staying in, Prim's old room, it still hurt some days to come in here though we refurnished it, years ago Peeta suggested that we both go through her old bedroom and make it a guest room, he reminded me that Prim died and would want me to live not mourning her and being in misery every day, he helped me place her belongings in boxes carefully and then took them to the attic, I have to admit, the 2 hardest days of my life after the Rebellion would have to be that day and the day Peeta told me about him and Delly. I finish making his bed before I hear outside the distant voices of little Flynn and Haymitch, I smile to myself looking forward to see the little face of Flynn, I hurry downstairs having the fireplace already lit and dinner already in the oven. I'm only wearing black tights and a long warm taupe jumper with my hair down as I open the door, Annie comes through shaking the rain off her and embraces me into a warm hug, I see Haymitch walking up the stairs carrying little Flynn in his arms as he holds an umbrella in his hand covering Flynn so he doesn't get wet, Flynn is rugged up and wearing his little rain coat nestled into the crook of Haymitch's neck for protection from the rain before looking at me, his little face lights up as he struggles to free himself from Haymitch's arms.

"Aunty Katniss, Aunty Katniss!" He excitedly squeals.

"There he is, oh look at you" I smile as he jumps into my arms, I don't even mind that he is soaking wet, I just want to feel the warmth of his hugs.

"I missed you"

"Missed you more!" he giggles

We get them comfortable and place their belongings in to their rooms; Annie and Flynn get changed into warmer clothes as I place their wet clothing in the washing machine. Flynn puts his little seahorse pyjamas on with fleecy little ugg boots as we figure there's no point in changing and then getting re-dressed again. We sit down to a roast dinner with fresh bread that Peeta made this morning, I look up at the clock to see it won't be long before he comes home, Flynn is sitting down on Haymitch's lap showing him all the pictures of District 4, when he sees me enter he gets up, Haymitch looks up at me amused before getting up and swaggering to the kitchen, Flynn looks at me lifting his arms

"Uppy" he pouts, I giggle and pick him up as he squeezes me and hugs me, I inhale his hair and smell the aroma of District 4 as memories flash back to me, sea air, the waves, the salt. We walk together in the kitchen and sit down to eat.

"Will Peeta mind if we start without him?" Annie whispers in her soft little voice

"Oh he'll be coming soon, with dessert too!" I look at Flynn whose eyes light up at the sound of dessert. 5 minutes pass as we hear the front door open and a soaking Peeta enters, he walks through with a large brown bag of fresh baked goods and dessert running his hands through his hair

"Hello, hello, hello!" he smiles with those brilliant blue eyes and flashes those pearls, Annie gets up and Peeta hugs her, kissing her on the cheek "Oh Annie, it's been too long" she smiles back at him, he looks at Flynn whose gone all quiet and shy now.

Peeta squats down next to him "and who is this little guy" Flynn goes shy as he continues to play with his food with his fork "say, are you little Flynn O'dair? Wow!" Peeta stated more excitedly "you know I knew your daddy very very well" Flynn still doesn't look up as he has a sheepish smile on his face "you know Flynn, I made a special dessert for you at the bakery today, especially for you, you see Aunty Katniss here told me you love chocolate so I made all these chocolate biscuits just for you in the shape of seahorses and starfishes, I hope you like it?" Flynn suddenly smiled and looked at Peeta with his tiny little hands holding the package, he looks excitedly in it as me and Annie as well as Haymitch watch smiling

"Say thank you to Mr. Mellark" Annie softly speaks

"Thank you Mr Mellark" he hugs Peeta with his little arms reaching up to hold Peeta and a little part of me ached inside as I saw the bond already forming between the two, Peeta was a natural, it's like he was born to one day be a father, with so much love to give. I quickly glance at Haymitch who has been watching me as he then returns to swigging from his flask. We all sit down and eat and as soon as we finish dinner Flynn immediately opens the bag of chocolate biscuits Peeta has made attacking them like a lion taking down a zebra. Peeta has made for us adults a beautiful peach crumble that he serves with vanilla bean cream, as we sit and chat all four of us, Peeta sits close next to me with his hand clasped into mine, at times I see Annie notice it as she sees the bond that me and Peeta have worked so hard to get back. As it gets later, we see Flynn yawning, Annie goes to take him to bed before she hands him over to me "I think he would probably like you more to tuck him into bed" she smiles, I see Peeta look up at me and smile but I know there's more thought put into, I take little Flynn to bed, tucking him in.

"Aunty Katniss, whose room is this?" he looks up at me as he asks, his innocent little eyes boring into mine. I inhale deeply as apart from Peeta, I don't talk to anyone about Prim. I look back at him and smile

"This was my sisters"

"Sister, I didn't know you have a sister Aunty Katniss" his heads nods to the side

"Had, Flynn, I had her, I lost her a very long time ago" I gulp feeling the pit to hit my stomach.

He starts to giggle "Lost, how did you lose your own sister Aunty Katniss"

I smile as I remember his innocence

"Well she died a very long time ago Flynn"

He suddenly looks very sad "how come she died Aunty Katniss" Oh God this was so hard to talk about, how could I make sense about it to a little boy when I could hardly make sense of it myself

"Well she was taken away from me, her name was Prim, you would have loved her too, she would have spoiled you rotten, she would ask me to sing to her sometimes, she had blonde hair and oh she had a lot of love in her, which is why so many people loved her Flynn"

"Where did she go?"

"Well, she is with your daddy, Flynn, she's with him, and where they are Flynn, they are happy, so so happy. You know sometimes when you dream, you dream of your daddy" he nods to me

"That's where they live baby, they live in your dreams, so they can always be with you, in here" I point to his head "and here" and then I point to his heart, I quickly wipe away a tear from my eye so Flynn doesn't see, the last thing I want to do is to have him see me sad.

"Don't be sad Aunty Katniss" he takes his little hand and wipes away a tear from my cheek

"Aunty Katniss" I tuck him in tightly and turn the night light on

"Yes baby"

"Will you sing me to sleep" I stop and look at him, it's something I haven't done for a long while

"Sure baby"

I nestle beside him and stroke his forehead; he breathes deeply and closes his eyes.

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your eyes_

_And when they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, and here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you."_

I look down at him to see he is fast asleep, I slowly remove myself from him before I kiss him goodnight and leave closing the door. I wipe my eyes before I look up to see Peeta standing by the door, he leans against looking up at me closely, he closes the distance and hugs me tightly, no words need to be said, he knows how hard it was for me to do it, but he's proud that I got it done. He kisses me and it's gentle and soft and leads me downstairs. After 2 hours, Annie goes to bed and Haymitch passes out on our lounge, by this time it's coming down in sheets out there and Haymitch is heavy, to get him back to his house would take a lot of lifting on Peeta's behalf and having him work all day, I don't want him doing anymore lifting which is why I tell Peeta to take him to the bedroom behind the kitchen next to the pantry. Peeta and I turned it into an extra bedroom in case he was having a bad night or one of his episodes, downstairs. I got changed into my pyjamas and crawled into bed after I took Annie to bed; I'm hoping the weather will be a bit better tomorrow so I can take her and Flynn to see the meadow.

It's not long before I hear Peeta come in and he gets changed, I feel his warmth circle me and he wraps his strong arms around me, securing me into a blanket of warmth and love. "You looked so gorgeous tonight" I give a snort of derision

"Peeta I was only wearing a jumper and leggings" I hear him inhale my hair and feel him kiss my neck, I feel the throaty chuckle coming deep within his chest as he responds "no, not that, not that you didn't look good in that, I mean the way you were with Flynn, when you sang to him, when you held him, kissed him, how you held that little boy, you have so much love Kat, is was beautiful for me to see, so thank you" I don't have to turn around to know that he has closed his eyes, though the house is quiet, I feel my thoughts are loud, the rain is starting to get heavy outside as it bangs on our window with the wind howling outside like a shrieking ghost. But amidst all that, I can't help but let my hand wander down to rest on my stomach and pondered, I remember all the times I spent with Flynn, how at ease I felt, how I laughed and giggled, how I felt joy, the feeling of having another little person living in this big house with me and Peeta, again I felt my stomach and thought, how bad could it be if we did have a child?

Well there's another chapter guys! I REALLY hope you like it, again I am SO SORRY for the absence, with my computer problems that I had to get fixed and when I did get it back I had a real think of what I was going to write as I didn't want to rush it and deliver something bad as I feel you guys as my readers deserve more, you deserve the consistency and flow of the story. What I wanted in this chapter was to see the effect that little Flynn has on Katniss, he brings out that softer side to her, for years she has been so against the idea and notion of children that I think after everything they have been through, as Peeta said she has so much love, she doesn't show it to everyone but the people she does show it to feel that love. Look at how she loved Prim and took care of her, she has that maternal instinct in her and I think it scares her but she can do it. I think she is afraid of moving forward but with Peeta at her side, she is capable. Again I really hope you like it, now that my laptop is all better the next chapter will be up very soon. Please review and follow, you guys are all awesome and it makes me so humble that you take the time out of your busy schedule to read my story. Again thank you


	22. Chapter 22

Hi Guys! Well I promised you guys that it would be as long as last time for a next chapter! I want to thank all my supporters and followers and those who have reviewed including goldensnitch1, Kitkatlogan, VMars-lover, Davolon, bleedblueforever, Catoloverxclovelover, iluvucla, CatnipGirlOnFire and I-read-not-write and again those who are following and have favourite this, thank you all. I hope you enjoy and please read and review, it always makes me smile!:-)

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Rated M for adult content

It's been 2 weeks since Annie and Flynn arrived, and to see them and how much they love District 12 has brought a smile to my face. It reminds me of the days when I would spend with Prim, the bond that we would have and how her smile would bring warmth to my heart. I remember the first time I took Annie and Flynn to the woods, Peeta had to work but made a scrumptious picnic for us consisting of different sandwiches on different types of bread; sourdough, wholemeal, pumpkin seed, it was all so delicious. Annie enjoyed the scenery and the smell of the pine filled air, the look of Flynn's face as he spotted his first deer, his shyness as he was rooted to the ground; I remember hugging him and telling him to remain quiet, to watch the animal, I watched him as he watched the deer in awe with his little fingers clasped with mine and his eyes as big as saucers, it brought a warmth to my heart. Every day we would walk to the woods, spend some time at the lake and the cabin and visit my Peeta at the bakery.

"So how's life in 4?" I asked Annie as we sat at the Bakery one day, little Flynn with Peeta, I couldn't help but glance every once and a while at Peeta and Flynn as he had Flynn in a little bakers outfit on a step ladder, helping him make cookies, I watched the way they interacted, it was so cute and adorable, it was like Peeta was born to be a father, with so much love to give.

"its well, life is good, Flynn has missed you so it's good for him to spend time with you, I'm so glad we came and I have loved every moment if being here, I can see why you love it so much" She sips her tea and eats the scones that Peeta made for us, she lathers eat with cream and raspberry jam.

"I must say Kat you're a lucky woman, to be married to Peeta and being such a good cook" She said as she licked her lips of the raspberry jam.

"I know, I am a very lucky woman" I smile as I look at him, I watch as he pats little Flynn on the back giving him kind words of encouragement.

"So how is everything back here?" She asks covering her arms with her shawl. I look at her deeply and wonder how to respond, I know what she's referring to and think of how to answer.

"Well things between me and Peeta are getting better, one day and a time, I still get scared some days but then when he holds me I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I can't accept Delly or her apologies, I know it may be selfish but having her betray me like that, it just hurt so badly. When I came back here all those years ago, it was like the only people who cared about me were Peeta, Haymitch, Sae and Delly and Rory came back too. But now things have changed, Rory and me still talk, we're like brother and sister but Rory can't seem to talk to Peeta either, I know it's a shame but after all that hurt and betrayal could you easily forgive the person who did that to you?" She pats my hand and offers a warm smile

I breathe in deeply and watch over my shoulder to see where Peeta and Flynn are, Peeta is putting icing on Flynn's face as he giggles and then offers him the spoon covered in chocolate to for him to lick.

"So have you um seen Bannock" my heart flutters with nervousness as I'm scared as to what she is going to say. Does he hate me? What did he say about me? I bet he said awful things. Annie breathes in deep before averting her eyes, she looks down at me.

"when he came back, you could tell he wasn't the same, sadder and less cheerful. He returned to work but it was like he was going through the emotions, I think he just needs time, time for his heart to heal, he really cared for you"

I feel guilt hit my stomach and my conscious makes me feel bad. "I feel so bad"

"Do you really Katniss?" Annie asks

I'm stunned at first and she can tell by my look. "what do you mean Annie?"

"What I mean to say Kat is that, you've known all your life what you've wanted and if you had to do a do over again who would you pick? Peeta or Bannock? You know who you'd pick, it would be Peeta, you two belong with each other, your soul mates and you know it, just like I and Finnick were" She says with no malice or mean intention in her eyes or behaviour, just the truth and kindness, as she was looking out for me.

"I'm sorry Annie, I know how hard it is for you to talk about Finnick"

"Don't be, yes it makes me sad what happened but we got the most amazing gift, our son, and every day with him is just a blessing, a part of Finnick that I get to look at every day" she smiles as she gazes at little Flynn.

I think hard about our topic; kids, Flynn, children. This had been a topic that had been rummaging through my mind for the past couple of weeks. I had been picturing and dreaming of Peeta holding a little baby, interacting with our son and now that Flynn had been here it only made my feelings more stronger. It was that connection, that connection I craved for, though the love that me and Peeta shared was strong and our bond could never be cut I wondered what a little addition to our family could do. These past few weeks had made me crave Peeta even more as our sex life increased, I'm sure Peeta wondered why but he certainly never complained about it from the bedroom to the kitchen, to the lounge room and the shower which was Peeta's favourite. It wasn't until 2 days later when I was in the forest hunting for dinner, Peeta had been at the bakery all day and I wanted to cook something for him and Annie and Flynn, something special. I had spent the day out in the woods whilst Flynn and Annie were with Haymitch, Haymicth had shown Flynn his geese but I don't think Flynn had taken to them after he had gotten bitten by one when he was trying to feed it, I swear I thought that night's dinner would be goose a' la orange' Haymitch was so pissed but Flynn just never went near them again. It wasn't until that day though that I felt something was wrong, something was different. When I killed the rabbit with my arrow, shooting it right through the eye, I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me as I put the dead carcass in my bag with 2 squirrels, this is strange I thought, I have NEVER felt sick over a dead animal that I have hunted and I have been hunting since I was a young teen, what was wrong. It wasn't until the trip home that I noticed something was definitely wrong when I had to go behind a bush and vomited, all I had this morning was Peeta's breakfast and his food never mademe sick. It wasn't until I was getting home closer and closer in the drizzly rain that it dawned on me; nausea, vomiting and my breasts had felt heavier and sorer, no, I couldn't, I couldn't be? Could I?

My walk home became quicker and quicker, as I ran up the stairs to our house I entered the warmth from the fireplace and the laughter and chatter of everyone, Haymitch was sitting in the lounge room watching Flynn colour in, swigging from his flask, I think he noticed my hurry pace.

"Woah, Woah, what's your hurry girl"

I looked down from the stairs at him, stuttering and trying to collect and gather my thoughts "Oh, I uh, I'm just a bit wet so I want to change my clothing" He looks at me closely before looking me up and down before averting his eyes to Flynn. I run upstairs and close my door before running back into the bathroom locking it, I rummage through the cabinet not caring for the items and toiletries going on the floor before I find the thing I want; a pregnancy test, I stare at it with shaking hands.

I hear Peeta's voice

"Kat, are you ok babe?" I feel the flutter in my stomach and the fear in my heart as it goes faster and faster , Peeta is so close on the other side of the door.

"Yeah I'll be out in a minute, I'm just coming out of the shower, I'll be done in a minute"

I hear his heavy steps go out of the bedroom and walk down the hall and then stairs. I read the instruction on the back and whisper to myself "easy to use, pee on the stick and wait for 60 seconds in which a red line means not pregnant, blue line means you are"

I pee on the stick and wait for what seems like the longest minute of my life. I wait and wait checking every second while I bite my nails before I look at the stick after a full minute passes, my heart feels like a jackhammer and beats harder and faster as I see the faint blue line get stronger and stronger and more prominent. There it was, a strong thick blue line.

There it was

I was pregnant

There you go guys! I know it was a short chapter but I wanted to give you at least something! In this chapter I wanted to show the maternal side of Katniss coming out more and more, she's getting warmer and warmer to the idea of becoming a mother but of course still nervous as anyone would be. In terms of the Delly relationship, I think the damage is done, it would be hard to reconcile with the person who slept with your husband, especially if they were your best friend. Rory is the same, he feels betrayed by Peeta so I think the relationship is lost, though Katniss and Rory remain best friends and act like brother and sister as they grew up together, the relationship between Peeta and Rory is lost and Kat and Delly is lost too, it would be hard for anyone to reconcile with the person who slept with their loved one. As I said I am drawing near to the conclusion but I am going to give a choice, I have already written the epilogue however if you would like to read right up to Katniss's birth I can continue which means the story will be a couple of chapters longer or if you want it shorter I can soon update with the conclusion which is the epilogue, I just want to give you a choice and variety Again please read and review, I always love hearing from the lovely people who have been supportive and followed as well as reviewed, its humbling that you take the time


	23. Chapter 23

Hi Guys! Well after some great feedback I am continuing a couple of more chapters till the birth. Thank you all for reviews/following/ favouring, it means A LOT! twilightfanatic18, Katie, Kitkatlogan, Abm550, amarilis24, Just-Kiss-Her-Peeta, funfactor5, Davolon, goldensnitch1, VMars lover, NinjaJacq, firefoxxe, Iamabooknerd, I-read-not-write and the many more, thank you all guys so much. What I will be addressing is the feelings and kind of emotional conflict that Katniss will be having as she has found out that she is pregnant, she is excited but still quiet scared and nervous as she is still dealing with sorting her emotions. Please read and review, it always makes me happy and enjoy! :-)

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Rated M for mature language/situations:

I read it again, and again, and again. The sign that indicates that I have life growing inside of me, a part of me and apart of Peeta, I feel a wave of nausea hit me again and before I know it I'm emptying the contents of my stomach down the toilet. I feel the acid burn my throat and I'm gasping for air, trying to control my breathing and my heart rate. It feels like its going a million miles per hour, I sit there scared but excited too, nervous, in wonder. So many thoughts and questions are running through my mind as I sit on the cold tiled floor "Am I fit to be a mother?" "How will the child be?" "Will I destroy it like I have every other thing in life?" I remove myself off the floor before and then splash some cold water on my face, I get dressed into a leaf green cardigan and jeans with small flats that are comfortable. I head downstairs taking in the aroma of hearty stew with rich gravy, I walk quietly in as I take in the scenery: Flynn wants to be Peeta's little helper and help hand out the bowls filled with stew while Peeta looks on smiling, Sae and Annie are deep in chat about District 12 and the flowers that grow and the animals nearby, Haymitch….well Haymitch is Haymitch, drinking from his flask as his sits outstretched. I remind myself that this is my family, my family who love and care for me and now I'm about to begin a new one, a new one with Peeta, I start to feel the flutter of butterflies in my stomach, I see Peeta look up at me.

"There she is, we were wondering if you were washed down the sink you were taking so long" he comes over and kisses me on the lips, his hands on my hips, he wears his black V-neck sweater and blue jeans, he has his ugg boots on which make me laugh. We all sit down to eat, Peeta's hand rest on my own as he shovels his food in his mouth, even when he is eating Peeta still finds something to do to me that reminds me how much he loves me. I decide to go to the doctor tomorrow; District 12 has now a decent little hospital, when they built it they offered my mother to be chief doctor, a prestigious position and place for her to live, but no, not even a prestigious job could bring her back to District 12, nothing could make her live with her tragic, broken daughter, Greasy Sae was more of a mother to me than she was. She was there combing my hair when I was too much of a dishevelled mess, when I first came back she and Peeta were the ones who would make sure I ate every day, she would actually watch me to make sure I ate, even Haymitch would come over to bear me some company, but no, not my mother. She just wanted a fresh start, she couldn't bear to face me, I wasn't the daughter she loved more, in her new life now she has a new start, a new fresh life.

Tomorrow Annie and Flynn leave back for District 4, I must say these weeks with them here have been blissful, to have little Flynn here and my interaction with him clarifies my fears of motherhood, it felt natural and organic being with him, I hope my child is the same, but if they are anything like Peeta I know they will. After our peach cobbler I help Annie pack her belongings and Flynn's whilst Peeta gets Flynn ready for bed, he draws his bath and helps him with his pj's before placing him in bed. He reads him a story and I can't help but smile to myself when I hear his little giggles down the hall, Peeta reads him a story doing funny voices for the characters, when I hear this it reminds me that this is not a time to be scared or nervous, that in 9 months' time Peeta will be doing that to our child, reading a bed time story. As everyone goes and Annie goes to bed, myself and Peeta settle for the night in our own bed. I feel the warm embrace of Peeta's secure arms as he holds me

"This is my favourite part of the night"

I turn towards him; I feel his bare chest against mine as the heat radiates from him warming us both tonight.

"What is?"

He smiles at me

"When it's just us 2" he yawns and the kisses me before whispering goodnight. It's then at that time I wish I could tell him that's it's not just us 2 but 3. I close my eyes and try to get to sleep nervous for tomorrow.

I tap my foot nervously on the floor as I sit there, I have done all the preliminary tests, got my blood taken as I wait for the doctor, I look up as she enters, blonde wisps of her hair fall onto her face as the rest is held up in a loose twist, her lab coat is open as she wears a plain grey top and pant suit underneath, in her early 40's she has a kind smile and warm heart.

"Well Mrs Mellark, we have your results, your symptoms are pretty normal for a woman in your condition" She turns to me and smiles

"Condition?"

"Why yes Mrs Mellark you are pregnant, 8 weeks along."

I sit there and draw out a nervous breath before nodding; she smiles at me and chuckles.

"Now being 8 months along it's early within your pregnancy, I'm gonna get some paperwork together for you that will answer any questions, it's just about relaxing and taken care of yourself, I would start by eating a good diet, you're now eating for two now" She smiles at me before leaving the office, I take a look down at my tummy and hold onto it with both hands, though it is flat as from all the physical activities of hunting in the woods, I can't help but think for something so flat it's holding something so precious. After I collect the paperwork I make my way back home, it's been snowing of late so I make sure to rug up and keep warm and wrap my scarf tighter, I wish Annie was here a bit longer so she could walk with me through this, I grew sad saying goodbye to Annie and Flynn this morning, as we waved goodbye to them, it made me smile though seeing Flynn hug Peeta tightly, how Peeta earned his trust, Peeta gave Flynn some biscuits for the train trip home in the shape of sea horses and fish. My mind raced with thoughts on the walk home as to who apart from Peeta and Greasy could support me through this time, there was a time where Delly was my friend, I know if we were still friends she would probably walking every step of the way with me making sure I ate right, answering my questions and reassuring my fears, but that was the past now. I get closer to our house, as I enter the door I hear noises outside, I see Peeta outside in our garden, he's chopping ting wood for our fireplace and I watch the level of concentration on his face. I walk to him, I tighten my jacket around me securing my warmth , he looks up at me smiling, I see the sweat on his forehead, he brings my chin forward and kisses me .

"Hello beautiful, I'm just getting some wood for tonight and for Haymitch, drinking to death is one thing but I won't let him freeze either"

"I thought you were at the bakery today?"

He nods at me "I was, there was a rush this morning when I got there, supplying people bread for the cold weekend but after a while it stopped and I sent everyone home, they say that there might be a mini blizzard so everywhere is collecting and storing up food and staying inside, I thought best to as well, bakery's closed and locked and depending on tomorrows weather I'll go in" he smiles at me.

"Say Peeta, I was thinking, you know the bedroom next to ours? Well I was thinking that, I don't know, redecorating it?"

He looks up at me, quizzically

"Yeah, ok we can, what brought this on?" he smiles

"well it's just, I don't know, I've been thinking and you know, some changes have to be made, especially now" He looks at me concerned now, worry clouding his face.

"Why? What's happened Katniss? What's wrong?" he drops the axe next to him, he holds me in his arms, I have to say I am quite proud of him, years ago if anyone was to give Peeta and axe or any weapon as of fact, it would have triggered an episode, but not now. He stares at me longer

"Well, because ..."I find it hard to actually say the words; in my head I'm screaming it at him but to actually say it to him physically is harder, he stares at me and that's when I decide to put him out of his misery.

"Because I'm pregnant Peeta"

He doesn't say anything to me, but just stands in silence, shocked and surprised. I stare at him some more wondering if the news has sunken in by any chance or if he heard me.

"Did, did you hear me Peeta, I'm, I'm pregnant"

I suddenly see his eyes brighten and him smile.

"You're pregnant?" he whispers quietly, as if he is too scared to say it louder in case it is not true, I simply nod. He holds me in a tight embrace before whirling me around, he smothers my face in kisses and I can't help the giggles that escape my mouth as he holds me tighter

"How far long?"

"2 months, confirmed this morning"

He smiles at me, before cupping my face and kissing, I see the tears in his eyes starting to well.

"I can't wait to tell Haymitch"

"Can we wait please? Just till I'm passed my 3rd month and then we can tell everyone" he nods at me seriously before combing my hair with his fingers, he looks at me smiling kissing my nose, my eyes and then mouth

"God how I've waited for this for so long and now I get the chance to have a little you and a little me, oh God Katniss, I know it will be a girl I just know it! Come on let's get you inside out of the cold, I'm making a very special dinner tonight to celebrate and I want you to lay on the lounge for the rest of the night and relax" He picks up the wood and walks with me inside our home.

"Peeta I'm pregnant not invalid"

"Katniss, that's my bun in your oven and if I know one thing about baking it's that buns need time to cook and I'm gonna make sure that for the next 9 months our bun comes out healthy and nicely cooked" he smiles to which I laugh at his corny bakery joke.

"Again, like I said Peeta I'm pregnant not invalid" After placing the firewood next to the fireplace, he comes back to me and holds me tightly as I look up at him pouting.

"Katniss, all I heard in that sentence was 'Like I said Peeta, I am pregnant', and that's all I really want to hear" he holds me closer as it dawns on me the next 9 months will be a surprising journey.

I just want to say thank you to all who posted reviews on continuing, thank you for your support and to those who have been following as well. I just wanted to do a quick update and I will be doing a couple of more chapters till the birth, I have a twist up my sleeve for you guys that I think you will like. I wanted to give you something and I will be posting a new chapter in the next week, as I said I have a surprise for you, a twist regarding the birth so please review, again I hope you enjoy it and please review


	24. Chapter 24

Hi Guys! Thank you guys SOOO much for the lovely support and reviews! For all the people who have followed/reviewed and put this down as their favourite! I'm so pleased that you have been enjoying this story which has become my outlet and I'm so happy to share it with you. Here is another chapter, I hope you enjoy!

All rights are reserved to Suzanne Collins

Rated M for mature situations and language

5 months later

My tummy is swollen, my feet are large, and there are days where I believe they should call it "all day" sickness and not "morning" as I have it morning, noon and night. It's hard to move with my weight and I know it will be harder in the coming months, but to see how Peeta's been in the coming months, I forget all the hassles. Peeta has spoiled me since the day he found out I was pregnant, he won't even let me lift a finger which I find funny, I pretend to be frustrated but deep down I love how he spoils me, he serves me breakfast either in bed or at the lounge, he'll rub my feet when they are swollen , when I told him I still wanted to hunt I saw his terse side come out, I admit I normally get my way with him but when it came to the hunting Peeta put his foot down and was adamant that I would not go into the woods, finally we came to a compromise that I could take walks in the woods but NO hunting. Whilst I did not want to distract Peeta from the bakery I was surprised that he went the effort to talk to Rory, whilst I was nervous at first he assured me that It did not end up with them beating each other, he admitted when he turned up at his front door the look on Rory's face was not that inviting however when he addressed his concerns they both agreed that it was in their best interest, whilst their relationship may have ended they still have in common one thing and that was the safety of Katniss, so now when Rory has a day off he escorts me to the woods to keep me safe from the animals and makes sure I don't trip.

I have to admit the day I let Peeta tell all our friends and family that we were expecting was one of the happiest for me, it was like seeing a little boy open his presents on Christmas day; the awe, the excitement. The first person he went to of course was Haymitch, when Haymitch found out he embraced me in a warm hug and said "I'm finally gonna be a grandpa!" I let Peeta tell Greasy Sae who comes by every day, she's been put under strict instructions by Peeta to watch me and to make sure I eat enough, my favourite was when I called Annie to let her know, I could picture her happiness on the phone and laughed when I told little Flynn.

"Aunty Katniss, who put the baby there, how does it grow?"

I laughed at his inquisitive little voice as I tried to put it into words "well your uncle Peeta did, my tummy is ….like an oven and it's gonna take 9 months for me to cook him"

"9 months! That's a looong time to bake" I laughed at how long he elongated the word, as I giggled when Flynn said in the background that he was getting a new little cousin, I loved this aspect of pregnancy, how myself, Peeta, Haymitch, Greasy Sae, Rory and Annie, we had been through hell, a war, torture and we came out as a family, we made ourselves a makeshift family that had more love. Speaking of family, I didn't know if I could tell my mother that I was pregnant so I let Peeta do it. I overhead his conversation, the way he spoke, it was warm and when he got off the phone he informed me of it, she asked to speak to me but he told her I was laying down not feeling well, she prescribed to him some things I could take and passed on how happy she was for me but to tell you the truth it meant nothing to me, he embraced me in a tight reassuring hug that let me know that everything was going to be okay. I know it seems unfair however it meant more to me when we told Greasy Sae and the rest, their reaction meant more.

"Peeta I've already eaten, you don't have to fix me any more food!" I said as I walked to the kitchen in my night dress and ugg boots, Peeta was wearing his trackies and jumper whilst making me dinner and organizing my meal.

"it's just something little for you, something snacky" he looks at me smiling, I look at what he has made me, chocolate croissants that have been heated up and ooze the hot chocolate in the middle with hot cocoa with whipped cream on top, I have to admit my mouth waters at the sight and smell

"Peeta I feel like a goose being fattened up"

He laughs at my analogy

"well your right to one thing, I am fattening you up but you are definitely NOT a goose, besides you need to eat so you can have your strength and can be healthy" he follows me to the lounge, tucking me in whilst resting a tray on my lap with my meal

"How is chocolate going to be nutritious for our baby?"

"As long as she comes out healthy that's all that matters"

"She?" I ask quizzically

"Of course! Are you kidding? Cute little girl with your hair, your smile, your stubbornness" he smiles "she'll be stealing all the boys hearts just like her mother stole mine" he kisses my cheek as he passes me and I curl up to eat my snack.

I notice people treat me differently now that I'm pregnant, as I walk to town to visit Peeta, people are nicer to me, approach me, I think they believe that the baby hormones will eat the bitch hormones but I hate disappoint them, my morning sickness has only made me intolerable, crabby and the fact that I can't do my favourite pastime activity which is hunting has made miserable, but it's a small price to pay when I see Peeta smile. I enter the bakery to visit him before I meet Rory for a walk in the woods. I enter the warmth and the smell of hot pastry and freshly cooked bread hits my nostrils, with my senses heightened I can smell the herbs they are using and it makes my mouth water. I see Trinity behind the counter who smiles at me, she comes around, hugs and pats my tummy, I walk out the back to see Peeta and walk to his office, I see him hunched over paperwork, I know he hates this aspect of the business, he prefers to be out there doing the baking, he looks up at me weary, he holds out his hands to me and kisses it whilst he still looks at the paperwork. He sits down in his chair rubbing my tummy as I stand

"How are my girls?"

"You like saying that don't you" he nods at me, he wears today his forest green shirt that contrasts so well against his blue agean eyes

"Yes yes I do" he kisses my tummy "here I baked some personally for you, your favourite cheese buns" I take them out of his hand and begin to eat them hardly making time to chew, just swallow, Peeta chuckles before Trinity walks in "Katniss, Rory is waiting outside"

I stare down knowing that Rory refuses to even come in here, Peeta pats my tummy looking down "you look after mummy today"

I walk out with Trinity and walk down the steps to meet Rory, he turns to smile at me, his long brown overcoat flutters in the wind and his coal scarf is wrapped tightly, I step towards him before I feel it, at first I think its morning sickness, then I feel the flutter, like a butterfly fluttering its wings but then it dawns on me that it's my little bubby, my little hope in the spring moving in me, like a little caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

Well I know it's a short chapter and a bit fluffy however it will balance out with the next chapter that I have in store which is drama and full of suspense! I really hope you guys like it as I have some surprises in for you as I want to make it as compelling as I can, please review and enjoy, it means so much that you guys have loyally followed me on this journey with me and I hope you can follow me on many more to come in the future, please follow and review as the next chapter is coming soon!


	25. Chapter 25

Hi guys! Apologies for the long delay, uni assessments have kept my time unfortunately but now that I have one major assessment out of the way I thought I could catch up on some writing for you guys! We now have only 2 more chapters till the end of the story which is why I want to thank so many people who have reviewed, followed, favourite and taken the time out of their busy day to read my little story. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review

All rights belong to Suzanne Collins

Rated M for mature nature.

9 months, 9 looong months and in a couple of weeks' time I will be greeting my baby. Though I have had 9 months to prepare myself for the big day, I still feel so nervous, so scared for when the time comes. The pain, the screaming, the blood, I've heard horror stories from other women not to mention when I was younger and my mother would help the women of the Seam bring their children into the world, I'm just so scared. I sometimes envy Peeta and how prepared he is, how calm and stress less he is, I wouldn't blame the baby if it preferred him over me, in these past months I have changed so much and learnt new things about my body and what it can do. Before I saw my body as a scarred shell, broken and destroyed, scarred with rough patches, an mark of the war and rebellion against the Capital for those to see, now it's a vessel , a vessel nurturing and carrying a life, it's a concept that seem so strange and foreign to me. I have never seen myself as the maternal type, but in these months of being pregnant I have seen my body morph into a vessel to carry my child, or should I say our child. My breasts have grown and my stomach is swollen but I don't mind it, whenever I grow scared of the unknown I just close my eyes and pat my stomach, a reminder of the life I am bringing into this world, I breath in and out and sometimes I feel my bubby in their kick, as if she can read my thoughts and feelings and reminding me that it's ok. Peeta has been there for me every second and every step of the way, he even went the extra mile when I reached my 3rd trimester, working down to 3 days a week instead of the usual 6, and even on the days he works, he starts extra early so he can come home around noon. I feel guilty sometimes on how easy my life is now, sometimes I have periods where I can't stop smiling, though I do this in private, happy at the thought that despite the best efforts of the Capital to bring me and Peeta down they couldn't but then I feel the black cloud swallow me and the twinge of guilt and regret comes back, the images of Rue, Finnick, Prim and the others flood my mind, how they died, I then feel guilty for the happiness that has come into my life, that's when Peeta finds me and reminds me that to live the rest of my life in misery and suffering would be a disrespect to the memory and lives of Rue, Finnick and Prim and all the others that died with them, that they wouldn't want me to live my like this, instead they would want me to live and be happy at the thought of new life coming into this world. It's those days where I feel safe in his arms when he holds me tight and doesn't let go, where I fall asleep in his arms.

I owe him so much, these past months of my pregnancy have been difficult and yet he has been patient, he has put up with my hormones of being incredibly horny and wanting him as soon as he gets in the door, to uncontrollably crying and accusing him of not finding me attractive anymore cause I'm fat. I do admit when I couldn't even fit into my father's hunting jacket because I became so large I cried for hours, but Peeta would just hold me and get me to rest my hand on our child and tell me that if my father was alive, he would understand and be happy in the knowledge that the reason I couldn't fit into his jacket was because I was with child. I was no longer light on my footsteps anymore, Peeta could even hear me walking down our stairs or into the kitchen I sounded like an elephant and ate like a wilder beast. My consumption of food increased by the day and now I was consuming cheese buns and olive bread by the dozen, but Peeta wouldn't care; he would just sit there smiling rubbing my tummy as I engorged myself. I do admit I miss the woods terribly, Rory, Peeta and Haymitch all agreed that as I was later in my pregnancy now and close to due date I shouldn't be going in there now, Rory now just walks with me to the rim of the meadow and back always with me, but I can't even walk into the meadow otherwise I will want to go further and further. I miss the wind on my face, the smell of pine, the green forest floor and the sounds of the animals. I miss sitting in the meadow feeling the long grass under my skin, picking the dandelions and bringing them home with me, the smell of lavender and prim roses, and it makes me homesick.

The happiest day during this was my baby shower, I wasn't used to it to say the least, it kind of reminded me of the Capital in the sense of attention and cameras and so on, Effie had organised it for me but was told by Haymitch and Peeta to pull it back, much to her dismay, the look on her face when I said on the menu I wanted something called pigs in a blanket was mortifying to say the least, she visioned crepes and things you would find in the Capital, but I reminded her that this was District 12, and I wanted a District 12 shower, she negotiated that if she couldn't have waiters and a red carpet then she wanted the finest red velvet cupcakes delivered and a District 12 themed shower with cut outs of deer's and trees, I was happy with that. Little Flynn and Annie came all the way over with Jo, Flynn drew me pictures and rubbed my belly talking to the baby while Annie supported me, telling me of what was to be expected after having a baby, she brought a beautiful blanket from District 4 of sea turtles and fish and a mobile that had sea horses to soothe the baby at night. Jo came and to see her made me feel like I was looking at my old self, before my mind was consumed with baby brain and I was thinking of nipple cream and bottles, suffice it to say Jo did look so out of place and sat in the corner sipping her champagne not wanting to be at the scrapbook table or the onesy decorating table, when the discussion came to lactating and cracked nipples and messy diapers, Jo quickly made it to the corner of Haymitch and started taking swigs from his flask.

I wake up one day to the sounds of birds chirping through the open bedroom window, my back aches today, more so than it has been but I put it down to weight of the baby, being of small frame this baby weight has taken its toll on me so I put it down to that. I get up and get dressed, I put on my green maternity dress that is made of soft cotton and walk down the stairs, the mangy cat Buttercup runs down past me, its bell jangling away, I slowly walk down the stairs keeping a hold on the railing as I go. I inhale the warm scent of waffles, my favourite, I walk into the kitchen where Peeta is to find him serving waffles on a plate with caramel sauce and freshly whipped cream. I sit down to my de-caffeinated coffee and orange juice as I scoff my food down, I savour the rich caramel sauce and drink my coffee as Peeta finishes and cleans up, he leans down and kisses me on the lips and I can taste the waffles from him too

"I'll see both my girls later on, I won't be too long just need to do some paperwork and be home by noon" he smiles at me and puts his jacket on leaving. I eat my meal in silence with Buttercup sitting idly beside me, I sit there and wonder what to do with the rest of my day, my back continues to ache with the muscles feeling like they are tight and coiled. I place my dishes in the sink feeling like I can wash them later, I look outside and see the perfect weather and walk on the porch, I close my eyes and inhale the scent of the woods lingering in the air, oh how I wish I was free again and running in the woods jumping over rocks and climbing trees. I ring up Rory and see if he can walk with me today to the edge of the meadow and the woods, on the third ring he answers and I plead with him.

"I'm sorry Kat I really am, but I've been called down to the Justice building I'm sorry, but look I have tomorrow off so I will go with you then ok? Don't go by yourself you hear me?" his tone is of a worried brother warning his sister against going out to that party on the weekend but I so badly want to go. I tell him find and after my phone call I ponder who else I can call. Haymitch is passed out by this time, Greasy Sae is down at the Hob and she's too old for the walk, Delly? well I no longer count her as a help or friend. It's just on the outskirts I want to go is it really that bad? I start to become fidgety and annoyed, my back aching is not helping at all with it, in the end I decide to go myself, I mean how bad can it be? It's only on the edge and I won't be too long, I get changed into my stretchy tights and light t-shirt with jacket and start my walk. I feel the light cool air hit my face as I pass Haymitch's house and start my walk, I look over my view and immediately start to feel better in mood. The beautiful long grass, smell of lavender in the air mixed with pine, I spot a deer and a couple of rabbits, oh how I missed being able to hunt in my condition. I walk up to the edge of the meadow and lean against a tree, soaking in my sights and relaxing, I try in vain to get comfortable as I lean up against the tall, strong oak tree but nothing. When I finally feel some comfort I feel it, I feel it run and I don't know what to do. I look down and see the wetness I have made, I touch my legs and I'm sopping wet, I start to feel it then. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. My water has broken, I'm alone and I'm out in the fucking woods by myself and my water has broken you idiot Katniss! I try to have slow movements and slowly walk but I keep wincing as my back is fucking killing me, shit, shit. I try to quicken my steps but I find I'm just too scared, I put my hands out resting myself on whatever I can find, tree trunks, branches all the while trying to stay calm, I breathe in and out, in and out but it's so hard when I can feel my heart racing Oh God. I'm such an idiot Katniss! I've put my baby and myself in danger when all I had to do was wait for 1 fucking day for Rory, 1 day! But no I couldn't do what made actual sense; I had to go what I think is best which is basically the opposite of logical, shit!

I try to quicken my steps without making too quick movements that might endanger myself or the baby, I hold my baby as I try to reach home but it seems it just takes forever and ever, I rest upon a tree to catch my breath, I'm sweaty and clammy and hot and my bloody back aches. God, I look up and feel the heat of the sun blaring on me, I get back up to try and get home quickest before I hear my name called.

"Katniss" I look around and can't see anyone. I continue my attempts at walking before I hear my name again.

"Katniss!"

I look up and see the last person I would expect or want to help me, Delly

Delly runs to me from across the path leading from the meadow, I turn and continue my feeble walking. I take small steps before I hear her rushed steps and the look of concern on her face.

"Katniss, what's wrong? Are you injured or hurt? What are you doing out here?" her shrill voice does nothing but aggravate me and my condition as well as my ears even more. I ignore her as I try to walk calmly back home before her shrieks get louder

"Katniss, Oh my GOD has your water broken? Katniss we have to get help or get you home quickly, Katniss let me HELP!" I hear the strain in her voice as she walks beside me, her hair a mess and her cardigan baggy around her.

"Delly, what are you doing here?" I ask, clearly annoyed

"I was trying to find strawberries for my jam but that's not the point here Katniss, why are you out here so close to your due date?" I wince in pain from my back, aching even more and the trail of the walk

"Go home, Delly I can handle this fine thank you very much"

"Katniss you can't expect me to leave you out here like this are you mad?"

"No Delly you idiot I am tired, I am aching and more importantly I am leaking, so just get out of my way now or…." I prepare to go on before I see a side of Delly I haven't seen before.

"KATNISS, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME AND YOU LISTEN NOW! I have done things in my life that I am proud of and that I am not proud of and hurting you is top on my list of things I am not proud of, now you listen to me and listen good, I am not leaving you out here as you are about to give birth to yours and Peeta's child, now hate me all you want but I am helping you out of here and you can go on and hate me later all you want ok?" I see the fire in her eyes and the determination, though she tries in vain to be assertive and angry I think it's cute as Delly could never be fearful in her life. I look at my surroundings and see the situation I have placed myself and my baby in. I nod my head and place my arm around her as she helps carry me, I do admit, having her here and leaning on her for support has helped me. I find that with this added support I am getting home quicker as I start to see glimpses of Victors Village, as we get closer with Delly giving me reassuring words of how not to panic and how the baby will not be making an appearance for some time, I see Haymitch tending to his geese in the yard.

"Haymitch" Delly shouts as we walk past his house on the way to mine. Haymitch's bleary eyes widen at the sight of Delly carrying me and he drops his feed bucket.

"Stupid girl, what HAPPENED?" He rushes over and picks me up in his arms carrying me inside

"Her water broke, she was walking out near the meadow alone" Delly chases after us with Haymitch taking long strides, he kicks our front door open and takes me in walking up the stairs to Peeta and I's bedroom, he rests me on the bed

"Walking by yourself in the woods really Katniss?" Haymitch gruffly says before shouting "Delly call Peeta NOW"

"I wanted my walk in the woods but Rory was busy I didn't think…." My sentence is cut short as Haymitch interrupts

"Of course you never think that's the problem! Delly, what's happening, where is Peeta?" as he bellows, he grabs my fan from the wardrobe and puts it on the chair, putting it on me as I sweat to try and cool me down

"The phone is engaged, they're probably making an order" I hear Delly say

"Well run to town and tell Peeta that his bun is about to come out of the oven, and I tell you girl, you better run like your ass is on fire" as I hear Delly run downstairs

"Haymitch, I don't know how much you're able to help me"

"Don't worry kid, I'm gonna call the doctor for you now, I mentored you and Peeta through the games and all, I think I can mentor you through this" he helps me get comfortable before I look outside the window again to hear the birds chirping like they were this morning, I Katniss Everdeen, have survived the Hunger Games, Quarter Quell, a Rebellion, lost a sister, brought back my lost, hijacked husband, yet this journey, this adventure I was about to begin on, was the scariest of all.

There you go guys, another chapter. Like I said now that my assessments have finished I will be able to dedicate a bit more TLC to my story, it only has 2 more chapters left as I have started on a new story to. It's very exciting the next chapter as we have been waiting for the arrival! I want to thank so many people for their support and loyalty and who have taken the time for the kind reviews, following and placing it under favourites, thank you and this week will have the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed


	26. Chapter 26

Hi guys! After this only one more chapter left! Thank you to all those who have reviewed, followed and placed this story under favourite. It is so lovely to know that people have an interest in what you create so thank you. I hope you enjoy, please review and again I hope you enjoy!

Rated M for mature content

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

I feel the pain in my abdomen and the heat and pain in my back, I'm breathing in and out to calm myself down, I keep telling myself that this will be over soon and this will pass, but it's hard to get mind over matter when I feel like time is stretching itself and the pain is just intensifying. Delly has run to the bakery to get Peeta, I wince at the pain while Haymitch runs around fetching towels, clean sheets, I lie on my side hoping that will relieve some of the pain, I feel the hot sweat on my forehead, and I clasp at the sheets when I feel another surge of pain in my abdomen. I hear Haymitch panicking and swearing his head off wondering where Peeta and Delly were, I silently laugh at how calm and stoic he was during the Games right through to the Rebellion but how here he couldn't handle the mess of seeing a live baby being born, I hear footsteps coming up and see the doctor, I sigh in relief as I turn on my back for her to look at me, wisps of her hair are in her face as it's evident she ran here, she opens my legs to see how I am

"Ok Katniss, well you're ok, it's gonna be a long birth so take this time to get as much rest as you can, you're gonna need your energy, we're just in time for me to give you your epidural so Haymitch can you come here and help turn Katniss, Katniss you're gonna feel a slight sting in your back however this is going to make it less painful ok" she smiles at me reassuringly, I look at the needle and jump at it, I wish Peeta was here to hold my hand but then again I'm glad he's not, I'd be scared he would be triggered into having an episode just looking at the needle, at a time when I need him most. I hear my name called in a panicked voice before I realise that it's Peeta

"Katniss! KATNISS!" I hear him charging up the stairs before he enters the bedroom, his hair is messy, and his breathing is rapid as his body gasps for air. He looks at my state which is a mess, my hair is stuck on my forehead due to the sweat, I'm red in the face and in pain, he sees the needle in the doctors hand, but instead of waiting outside he comes to my side, his kiss is full of urgency and need but also to let me know that I was safe and that everything was going to be ok, it was a kiss of safety and love. He looks at me in the eyes as he hovers over me

"Really Katniss, really? Going into the woods by yourself? Do you know how lucky you are that you didn't trip over in your state or get attacked by a fox or worse, you put your baby, our baby in danger!" he exclaims

"Mr. Mellark, I'm sure we can have this discussion after the baby is born ok, right now Katniss is only 2 centimetres dilated so she needs your support and she needs rest for a long night ahead of her" the doctor starts to roll me over on my back and begins to inject me in the back, Peeta holds my hand and looks down.

"That's not gonna do anything bad to her is it?" he looks at her worried and then at me

"No Mr. Mellark, this is good for her, this way she won't feel anything from the waist down, it's not permanent it's just a great pain reliever" she smiles at him as he strokes my forehead, he nods at her looking at me

"Hey, how you feeling?" He smiles at me

"Like I'm about to give birth to a baby!" I smile at him "Thanks for being here, you didn't have to rush, you know it's gonna take hours"

He shushes me "No, no, no, it's ok" he smiles "I was worried when I saw Delly coming into the bakery but when she told me you were in labour, I dropped everything and ran, I have to admit I was angry when I was told you went alone in the woods but will get passed that as I think we have more pressing matters" He laughs and I laugh with him.

"Katniss, whatever happens, I want you to know I love you and that I am not gonna leave your side, you're my everything and thank you, I know it's been hard and we have fought and we have been through trying times but we have got here, you and me, together. Always" he kisses my hand and my forehead; I smile as I feel the tears brimming in my eyes.

"I want you to rest, ok, just rest"

My rest is interrupted with the constant feel of interactions, Peeta can feel it as he puts his hands on my stomach, I'm so thirsty but I can't drink water, only have ice chips which Haymitch passes to me. Peeta sits by my side, I hear him ask the doctor questions on the birth, how many centimetres I'm dilated. After 4 hours I'm only 4 centimetres dilated, God!, I shut my eyes and try to get as much rest as I can but it's not easy . After a while I awake with a jolt and feel a shooting pain in my abdomen, it's now late afternoon, I can tell by the sun position that it's about 5:00, I look at Peeta and he rushes to my side, he calls the doctor over and she examines me again.

"Ok Katniss, you're at least 10 centimetres dilated now, how you feeling?" she looks at me; I look at my arm now which has a drip in it. She sees my concern "it's ok Katniss, we just wanna make sure your vitals are stable and that you're getting as much hydration ok" she smiles at me and asks how I am again.

"I'm feeling contractions, they're coming every two minutes" she nods

"Ok Katniss, I think that means we are ready to start pushing" she opens my legs further and I can't help but start to panic, Oh God this is it isn't it? I'm about to become a mother, this is it! I thought I was prepared for this, I thought all these months I was getting prepared but Oh my God, she's about to come, she's about to come out now! I look at Peeta and he can see my frantic look and desperation, he pushes me forward and gets behind me his legs on each side of mines, I fall back onto his chest as I feel him act as a support, he kisses my temple and grips my hands "it's ok baby just push as hard as you can and squeeze my hand as hard as you want, I don't care if you break one of them ok just squeeze, I'm here, I'm not letting go"

I start to push and I feel the pain, it's hot and searing, God! I hear a screaming sound, a sound like a monster, or an animal roaring, before I realise the sound is coming from me, the sound of me screaming like an animal, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole of District 12 can hear me right now. My jaw is clenched and I feel the sweat pouring off me, I breath heavily feeling exhausted believing that I do not have the strength for another push however the doctor and Peeta urge me, to keep pushing that it's almost over, that it's almost over. I curse the heavens, I curse the world and I curse Peeta for this pain, I swear and scream, I hear Peeta give me words of encouragement in my ear but right now nothing is encouraging, not when I feel the pain. On my last push, I feel it, I buckle down and push with every fibre of my being and squeeze till I hear the gasps of pain from Peeta as I think I've broken his hand. On my last one I hear it, the shrill scream, the shrill cry, not like mine, not guttural, not like an animal, this one's different, I haven't heard it before. I look up at the doctor where I see her, I fall back into Peeta's chest breathing in, the sigh of relief that the pain was over. I hear Peeta crying and sobbing not of pain from his hands but of happiness, he kisses my temple

"Oh God thank you, thank you so much"

I see the doctor clean her and check her vitals, she gets her stethoscope to make sure that she's breathing well, after she's finished cleaning her up she wraps her up in a yellow blanket, warm and soft. She places her so carefully in my arms as I lean back into Peeta's chest, I hold her scared that I might drop her, but the scared and frightened feeling is replaced by a warm love, love that I feel for this baby, this beautiful little creature that was so innocent, so much of me and so much of Peeta. She stops crying in my arms as I look at her features, brown hair like mine, rosy little lips, dimple in her chin like Peeta, she yawns in my arms as I hold her, sleeping like a porcelain doll. I look up at Peeta who has tears in his eyes, he has his arms around mine looking at how little bundle of joy, our little bundle of hope, she is a part of us.

"She's so much like you Katniss, I have another little you" We lie back in silence watching her sleep, watching her yawn. Haymitch walks in as the doctor walks out smiling, Haymitch holds her and to see him act around her is so beautiful, he holds her in his arms taking in every feature

"Oh you look just like your mummy don't you? Yes you do, oh you're probably gonna be as stubborn as her too, moody when you're a teenager and sulky too but you know what? I'm still gonna love you, you're probably gonna be a great little hunter too and you know what? I bet a great little baker with that daddy of yours too! Yes you are, yes you are because you are the child of two great Victors and two great people, oh here you go, back to your mummy and daddy" he places her back into my arms, I laugh with Peeta as we watch Haymitch become an adorable mess cooing over a little baby. He looks at me

"You did good kiddo, congratulations" He kisses me on the cheek before leaving, I lie back into Peeta's arms as we savour the moment of holding our little girl, it's not until an hour of silence has past that Peeta breaks the silence

"You know, we haven't even given her a name? How bad is that?" he chuckles. I look at her hard and think to myself before I make the suggestion.

"How about Rose Mary Mellark? A bit of Rose and Mellark?" He looks down at me and smiles

"A bit of a flower and a herb that I bake with…I like it" he smiles and kisses me on the mouth

"My little Rose Mary Mellark"

We lie there in silence cradling our newborn, dreaming of the future we now have together.

Well there you go, the BIRTH! There is one last chapter, thank you so much again, I really appreciate all you guys, I apologise if there are any errors, my neighbours decided to throw a massive, noisy party which distracted me as I tried to write, believe me it's hard to think and write and to edit when you can hear someone singing a poor rendition of a Taylor Swift song!:-) The last chapter will be up this week, so please review, read, favourite, it always makes me smile!:-)


	27. Chapter 27

Hello my lovely readers! Well it's the last chapter and I wanted to say a big thank you to all my readers and followers who have supported me and reviewed, for all the kind words. This story started out as an idea, something that started in my imagination and I got the courage to unleash it here where I was supported by so many lovely and amazing people so thank you, my biggest advice to budding writers out there who are intrepid to write, don't think about just DO IT! Unleash your creativity and imagination because to see it come alive is fantastic! So thank you for the amazing reviews, time and patience and support. I am now writing my second story for you guys, another Peeta/Katniss story so look out for it; it's called the "The Path Less Taken". I hope you enjoy, please review as it always makes me smile

All rights reserved to Suzanne Collins

Rated M

5 years, its 5 years later and my life has grown and bloomed more. I look out the kitchen window, the sun beams and the birds chirp high in the trees, the breeze brings the smell from the forest and the meadow, the lavender grows outside with my primroses and the smell flows in the breeze. I cut the sandwiches and smile as I watch my husband being tackled by my two beautiful children, it's funny how so long ago my life was covered in darkness, blood, pain, violence but now it is pure, innocent and happy . I watch as my beautiful little 5 year old girl Rose tackles her father as they play trying to tickle him. Her hair is in two plaits that sit on her shoulders as she giggles, her red check dress flies as she runs, she is the perfect embodiment of both me and Peeta, my hair and my eyes, dimple in her chin like Peeta, she is the little charmer when it comes to her guests and takes after her father in the arts. Her drawings cover Peeta's office at work and he already has a little apron for her with butterflies and lady bugs sewn onto it courtesy of Greasy Sae, she has his inquisitive, calm temperament but can be stubborn as me, it's hard trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, it's like having an argument with myself however as soon as she gets approached by Peeta she is putty in his hands and sometimes the other way around, when I tell her not to eat that extra cookie all she has to do is look at Peeta with those sad puppy dog eyes and he's given her the whole cookie jar, but I can never get mad at him for long, he just adores his little girl or as he says sometimes "his little Katniss". But then I look at my little boy and my heart melts, at two years old he already charms the girls as I take him for his daily stroll in district 12, he will be blowing kisses and waving with the ladies cooing over him and pinching his cheeks. When I gave birth to Hunter Rhys Mellark, it was a harder pregnancy than with Rose but an easier labour, though there was pain it was a lot quicker, his curly blonde hair and blue eyes, I watch him as his chubby cheeks and chubby legs follow his big sister as he crawls over Peeta in the back lawn, his giggle resonates as Peeta pretends to roar like a lion, he picks up Hunter and tickles him blowing raspberries on his tummy as his sister cries "My turn! My turn Daddy!" Daddy, that's a word I thought I would never hear in this house just like I thought I would never be called mother but I was scared, scared of going into the unknown, I was so used to darkness and trying to survive by myself, I was too scared of the idea of happiness and what it could bring, an unknown feeling but that was replaced with the help of Peeta. Yes we had our trials and tribulations, we had gotten through the Hunger Games, Quarter Quell, a Rebellion, we had a rocky marriage but we survived, sure we could have walked away from each other for good, but we didn't, because we knew that at the end of the day we loved each other and that is all that mattered, we faced all of that and we're still here.

Haymitch now had taken his grandfather duties with pride and cut back his drinking, now instead of drinking himself to an early grave he drank 2-3 a week, coming from a man who drank 4 bottles per day or more, this was a good change. He hired Sae to come and clean his house 3 times a week, it was presentable and hygienic to have my children there and play, he didn't like to admit it but he was a softie when it came to those children, I will never forget the time he first heard little Rose call him "pop pop", he just held her close and wouldn't let go, he didn't mind taking care of them for a night when me and Peeta had our date nights together and would return them the next morning in one piece but I don't think he was ever in one piece, I will never forget the sight when he gave them to me and he had blush and lipstick on, it appeared Rose got into mummies make up and wanted to play dress up, but Haymitch never once complained. He liked having Rose help him tend to his geese and little Hunter patting them.

Annie was always by my side and it was cute to watch little Rose follow Flynn everywhere whenever they came for a visit, she was his little shadow and I didn't mind one bit as he always took care of her calling her his little sis, but you never know, maybe that might change later in life? Flynn was the splitting image of his father, he was growing into the finest man and I knew when Flynn grew up he would be a man Finnick would be proud of. Rory was still my best friend and I loved him dearly, his daughter and Rose were best friends, always having tea parties and dressing up, it was funny to watch Rory sit and join their tea parties surrounded by their bears and toys but he relished being a father. I see Delly around, we were hospitable and treated each other like acquaintances, I will always be indebted to her for what she did for me and helping me and my daughter, I owed her but there will always be that awkwardness between us just like there is between Rory and Peeta, things have improved but I know Rory and Peeta will never be best friends and neither will Delly and me, our little girls and me being best friends with Rory are what keeps things together.

I look up at the sound of my two children coming in being carried by their daddy, Peeta walks in wearing a white tee and jeans that hug him tightly, he puts Rose at the table sitting her down and puts Hunter in his high chair, I'm making Peeta's lunch when I hand him Rose and Hunter's; Rose likes her sandwich with the crusts cut off and Hunter in little soldiers which is easier for him to eat as he sits there in his little shorts and blue t-shirt. As Peeta sets Rose's plate down in front of her she pipes up

"Daddy" she looks up

"Yes my princess" Peeta states

"I love you" and she chomps on her sandwich, Peeta turns around and gives her a big kiss on her cheek.

"I love you too my baby" Hunter looks up at Peeta with a frown on his face scrunching his nose and forehead

"And I love you too my little boy, yes I do" he kisses Hunter to which I hear him giggle under his father's kisses. Peeta walks over to me and leans down in front of me as I make his lunch kissing my expanding tummy "and I love you in there, yes daddy does" he kisses my tummy to which I feel a light kick. He hugs me from behind kissing my neck as he whispers in my ear:

"You love me Real or Not Real?"

I turn around to him and kiss him before I look into his beautiful blue eyes

"Real"

There you go guys! I hope you enjoyed this journey with me as much as I did, again thank you for all the AMAZING reviews, reading, following, favourites etc.; it has meant so much that you guys read my story especially being my first one. Look out for my new story "The Path Less Taken", it's a bit darker but a story I think you guys will like. Again I hope you guys enjoyed this and please review, keep posting and follow as my new story will be up soon.


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